Top Ten Things You Never Should Have Asked Your Mother

mom

 

The inspiration for this list was a discussion between my wife and me about some of the ways kids able to light the parental upset fuse by a simple question. We both have asked some and have been asked some.

Top Ten Things You Never Should Have Asked Your Mother

10 You should never have asked your mother “What meatloaf again?” If you did, at best you got a cold stare and shoulder. At worst, you were invited to partake of food at the neighbor’s house. (The look told you she meant it)

9 You should never have asked your mother on her birthday “How old are you now?” If you did, at best you got a lecture on poor manners. At worst, you were witness to flying cake and a bedroom door slam that you still see in your nightmares. (The heat from the flaming candles should have been a clue to clam up)

8 You should never have asked your mother once your dad told you no “Dad says to come and ask you for the car keys.” If you did, at best you’ll get a response that confirms your dad’s opinion. At worst, you will have been solely responsible for the resultant three months of additional chores once the parental units caught up to your scheme.( Good luck on ever seeing those keys)

7 You should never have asked your mother “Don’t you think that dress is a little out of style.” If you did, at best your mother will go change but not talk to your for the rest of the day. At worst, you will be subjected to a long lecture about all the things your mother gave up so that you could have the most up to date clothing. (She is probably right you ungrateful dependent you)

6 You should never have asked your mother “Can you and dad leave while my friends come over?” If you did, at best you will get a firm “No” in response. At worst, you will be delighted to have your parents sitting in the very room where you and your friends are gathering. (Your worst nightmare has come true)

5 You should never have called your mother on April Fools Day asking “Come bail me out of jail?” If you did, at best a cold cloth applied by dad worked to revive her. At worst, the joke will have backfired to the point where your mom still thinks there was something behind it. (Not nice to play highΒ stakes jokes on your worried mom)

4 You should never have asked your mother to bake cupcakes for the soccer team the night before the event. If you did, at best the cupcakes were made but you owed your mom big time. At worst, the cakes were made but you were so tired from helping you had the worst game ever. (Notice in each case the cakes got made?)

3 You should never have asked your mother to give you lunch money instead of packing a lunch since all the cool kids buy their lunch. If you did, at best you got the money but also a discussion about proper nutrition and peer pressure. At worst, you didn’t get the money and now find your lunch consists of every food you can’t stand including a lot of fruits. (Mom’s way of telling you to quit trying to be part of the in crowd.)

2 You should have never asked your mother to tell a fib about where you were when your stood up date called to talk to you. If you did, at best your mother simply hands the phone to you. At worst, your mother tells your date that you are not interested in talking. (The truth will ice that relationship. Won’t it?)

1 You should have never asked your mother to babysit your kids. If you did, at best all had an excellent time. At worst, your mother doesn’t want to return them to you.

50 comments

  1. I think I’m guilty of at least four of these; but I’m not telling you which four!

    1. I don’t think we want to know.:-)

  2. So, that question about incorporating my “crop” into the Christmas cake that time, that was a bad idea…?

    1. On several levels Dale.

  3. Reblogged this on Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog and commented:
    John keeps the Monday Blues (and your bright ideas) at bay with some great advice πŸ˜€

    1. Thanks for the reblog Chris. πŸ™‚

      1. Welcome John – It made me laugh πŸ˜€

      2. Always a good thing. I would like a banana through the nose reaction someday.

  4. So her keeping the kid is a bad thing?

    1. Ha ha ha. Maybe not.

  5. Several of those ships have already sailed John. Some even made the return trip courtesy of our daughter.

    1. That’s why I never had kids πŸ˜›

      1. I understand. πŸ™‚

    2. I know what you mean πŸ™‚

  6. If, after the age of ten, you still need your mom to tell you how old she is, you have failed thrice. Once in maths. The other in keeping an important date in mind. The question of manners is the most trivial!
    And to play Mom against Dad can only work in disfunctional families, where the parents do not work together – congrats on finding out you are growing up in a subpar family. Now save money for the therapist you will need in future.

    1. You have hit the nail on the head. Thanks for the visit. -)

  7. LOL… Okay… i was *very* young, not even in school, and they didn’t talk about these things then. grooving to the radio in my little white go-go boots… Next to These Boots Were Made for Walking, my favorite was Diana Ross singing Love Child. I was happy for her that she was so “loved” and singing about it. I sure hoped i was a “love” child too. πŸ˜€ Then came the “thing not to ask your mother…” She didn’t share my concept.

    1. LOL. I can see the expression now.Great one Teagan

  8. “At worst, your mother doesn’t want to return them to you.”

    Ooops, caught a typo. That should read: “At best, your mother doesn’t want to return them to you.”

    1. Ha ha ha. One man’s typo is another man’s truth.

  9. But one could ask one’s mother how young she is. πŸ˜‰

    1. Hmmm. She might see through that one as well.

  10. Reblogged this on Kim's Author Support Blog and commented:
    Another great TOP TEN article on things you shouldn’t do by John Howell. πŸ™‚

    1. Thanks for the reblog Kim

      1. You’re welcome, John!

  11. My mother would agree 100% with this list, John. I remember, when I was very young, I asked my mother if there was TV when she grew up. She wasn’t amused.

    1. Ha ha ha. I’ll bet she wasn’t.

  12. Mothers rule. A happy mom means a happy home. πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ I’ve broken at least half the rules of what not to have asked my mother. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

    1. I think we all have. πŸ™‚ Thanks

      1. πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ Indeed.

  13. Great list, John. I think I’ve heard (or said) several of them. A wise person learns fast that Mom means business!

    1. Yes. In the most business -like manner

  14. As a mom I remember some of these questions! Too funny! And one should never ask a mother about weight.

    1. Yeah that is true especially around the Holidays

  15. Love 10. I’ve never asked my mum any of these, but as a mum, I’ve been asked quite a few. Must be a generation thing. πŸ˜€

    1. It must be. Thanks Dale

  16. Okay, I’m guilty of both 10 and 9. 9 consistently.

    1. Guilty of 9.9 is especially egregious.

      1. No, just 9. I can’t possibly be guilty of 9.9.

      2. I thought you said 9.9.

      3. I reread it. 9 consistently. okay not so bad.

      4. Haha. But now I feel as if it would be cool to be guilty of 9.9…

  17. Brilliant list!
    And I fancy myself a bit of a list expert.

  18. Number 7 brings back some painful memories πŸ˜‰

  19. Love these! πŸ™‚

%d bloggers like this: