Top Ten Things Not to Do on a Men’s Weekend Trip.

 

Ski FallThe inspiration for this list is some men only ski trips I have taken to Lake Tahoe. Some of the items in this list are as a result of observation. There is at least one in which I participated. I’ll let you decide which one it is. I also wanted to do this list while the memory of snow is a good one.

Ten Things Not to Do on a Men’s Weekend Trip.

10 If you are on a men’s trip, do not volunteer to cook anything. If you do, at best you will be relieved after the first meal. At worst, the group will love what you do, and you’ll spend the rest of the trip chained to the six burner stove. (You always wanted someone to praise your food but not this much huh chump?)

9 If you are on a men’s trip, do not take your time to enter the house when you get there. If you do, at best you’ll have the last pick of sleeping accommodations. At worst, the last pick willΒ be the swing on the three season porch and the three seasons have passed. (Yes, that is snow on your shoulder this morning.)

8 If you are on a men’s trip, do not wear your at home sleeping attire. If you do, at best that hole filled T-shirt will be the talk of the group long after the trip is over. At worst, pictures will be taken and go viral. (Pretty hard to explain no bottoms isn’t it?)

7 Β If you are on a men’s trip, do not slip and fall headfirst into the hot tubΒ while holding onto a pastrami sandwich. If you do, at best you’ll be able to get rid of the sandwich before it hits the filter. At worst, the damage deposit will be entirely consumed replacing the filter. (Guess who’s going to pay the whole thing?)

6 If you are on a men’s trip, do not decide to gamble unless you know what you are doing. If you do, at best you will lose early and quit. At worst, you will win early and then continue until you are cleaned out. (Sure, the casino accepts American Express)

5 If you are on a men’s trip, do not try to convert anyone to your vegan principles. If you do, at best everyone will think you are joking. At worst, your fellow travelers will keep their distance hoping they don’t catch whatever you have. (The explanation of the virtues of the vegan lifestyle might be better if your audience is sober)

4 If you are on a men’s trip, do not forget the effects of high altitude on liquor consumption. If you do, at best you might just pass out. At worst, you will spend the night using the ceramic microphone to call trains to places like Pittsburgh. (Amazing how long the process of detox takes, huh Bunky?)

3 If you are on a man’s trip, do not think the whole group wants to go with you to visit the place you were married. If you do, at best you’ll go alone. At worst, those that do go with you will end up thinking they have wasted their time and demand you pay for drinks. (Okay, I confess. This one is mine. My wife and I married at Lake Tahoe, and I did convince some to visit the spot with me. Yes, I bought the drinks after.)

2 If you go on a man’s trip, do not think you have to use all the drink coupons on the journey to the destination. If you do, at best you will still be flying when you land. At worst, you’ll have to face the trip home without any fortification and in the center row between two members of the University wrestling team. (Maybe a little more air would help, but you can’t raise your arms trapped by the incredible hulks on each side.)

1 If you go on a man’s trip, do not forget a souvenir for the folks back home. If you do forget, at best you have just had your last men’s trip. At worst, the memory token will be chosen for you and will cost a little more than what you would have spent. (No, two tickets stubs from a casino show will not do.)

43 comments

  1. Aw, I was picking you for the high dive into the tub. That’s not so bad. I would have gone with you for free drinks…”yeah yeah, married there, ok, oh, there’s the bar :)”

    Thanks for another good list, John.

    1. Thanks Dan. That is about the way it happened. πŸ˜€

  2. I was in on the pastrami sandwich until you confessed. Nevada has its own unique warnings for those vacationing there. It’s amazing how a discount vacation can clean out the bank account.

    1. Ha ha ha. Putting one’s head under water in a hot tub is dangerous to your health let alone with a sandwich. This one was fiction. πŸ™‚

  3. Was unaware of the high altitude and alcohol thing. Now those tiny bottles of booze on planes are very suspicious. Speaking of suspicious, #7 is oddly specific.

    1. Totally made up. πŸ™‚

      1. That’s just what the pastrami bandit would say. πŸ˜›

  4. This is hilarious, John! I loved #7 and the photo…it’s perfect!

    1. Thanks, Jill. Enjoy the snow.

  5. Reblogged this on Chris The Story Reading Ape's Blog and commented:
    Keeping up with the Monday Funnies theme with John Howell πŸ˜€

    1. Thank you , Chris. Nice surprise this AM.

      1. Welcome John – Great fun post πŸ˜€

  6. Awww – I had you down as the pastrami sandwich! πŸ˜‰

    1. Nope. Wasn’t me. πŸ™‚

  7. You crack me up. Hope I never run into a casino that accepts American Express.

    1. Keep it in your pocket.

  8. These were great, John. My favorite was the hot tub and pastrami sandwich. I could see that one happening. πŸ˜€ — Suzanne

    1. I think everyone liked that one. Thanks Suzanne.

  9. […] Source: Top Ten Things Not to Do on a Men’s Weekend Trip. […]

    1. Thank you for the ping back Kim

  10. LOL… I hate to say it, John… but apparently most of us found it easy to imagine you trying to rescue the hot tub from your pastrami sandwich. Thanks for the Monday chuckles. Mega hugs!

    1. I know. I have one rule in life. Do not get into hot tubs if you don’t know who has been in before you. If one should go into one do not submerge your head. Leave the sandwich in the kitchen.

  11. Ha ha. Did I miss mention of actual skiing? o_O With all these antics going on, I suspect it was much to cold outside, right. πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

    1. Oh skiing? Yes there was plenty of that. πŸ™‚

  12. John, I love #1 — yes, I can totally appreciate the need for trinkets, souvenirs, baubles…well, you decide, only better make it rather expensive and glittery!!

    1. Yeah. I got there eventually.

  13. I tried to keep guessing all the way to #3 and when I hit where you were married, I thought this is John! You are a bit romantic perhaps? Great fun! It made me think of guys’ hunting trips too. Have a good week!

    1. I am a romantic. Thanks Jo.

  14. I’d have no problem offering to cook, if it meant that I’d be “chained to the six burner stove” and didn’t have to actually participate in a “men’s weekend trip”, which sounds to me like the worse sort of holiday torture I can imagine.

    1. I’ll bet you would be in pain for sure. πŸ™‚

      1. I don’t do “lads” activities, they’re almost exclusively awful.

      2. I have to agree. We did this event for ten years and for the most part was fun.

  15. Haha! Sounds hilarious, John! Should make a very entertaining movie! πŸ˜‚

    1. Thank you. I’ll write the screenplay

      1. Great! Can’t wait to see it!

  16. This is hilarious, John!

    1. Glad you liked it.

  17. Do I can’t wear my Star Wars PJs when we finally book that bloggers’ weekend in Vegas, John?

    1. Star Wars jimmies are perfect. The commando bottom ones you leave at home.

      1. Will do, buddy.

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