Top Ten Things Not to Do in a Fast Food Drive Through

~ John W. Howell

Drive through

10 If you are going to a drive through, do not ask the order taker for a dining recommendation. If you do, at best you’ll get a repeat of the “how can I help you?” At worst, the order person will tell you to eat somewhere else. (Didn’t expect that did you? You better take the advice.)

9 If you are going to a drive through, do not ask for a description of the special of the day. If you do, at best there is no special. At worst, the order person will believe you are mocking their position and will get even. (Do not lift that lid on the soft drink just throw it away.)

8 If you are going to a drive through, do not tell the order taker that this is a to go order. At best, you won’t hear the comment since the mic is turned off. At worst, you’ll have to sit and listen to the laughter of the entire order crew and patrons as the order taker broadcasts “THIS IS A TO GO ORDER” over the loudspeaker. (What were you thinking? DRIVE THROUGH. Duh?)

7 If you are going to a drive through, do not ask for special handling of your sandwich. If you do, At best you’ll be asked to pull over. At worst, you will sit in the penalty box in the hot sun until the staff finally remembers you are there. (Your special handling request is forgotten as well)

6 If you are going to a drive through, do not joke about a wine pairing. If you do, at best you’ll confuse the order taker and will take more time. At worst, the order taker will seek out a manager to find the answer. (The manager’s name is Tiny and this is the fourteenth hour Tiny has been at work. Tiny was also the Class A high school wrestling champ in the state and had to relinquish the title because of anger issues. Bon appetite.)

5 If you are going to a drive through, do not change your order. If you do, at best you will get both. At worst, you will get the order of the car behind you which bears no resemblance to what you wanted. (You have to wonder how a burger that big can fit into a mouth.)

4 If you are going to a drive through, don’t forget to check your order. If you do forget, at best the only thing missing is a straw. At worst, that deep-fried chicken sandwich that you didn’t order triggers your cholesterol and blood pressure to new high levels. (“So how did we come to eat that thing?” is the question asked by your doctor. It is very sad that you try to blame the drive through.)

3 If you are going to a drive through, do not try to stock your condiment supply with a request for extra. If you do, at best you’ll get one more catsup, and that’s all. At worst, you will get too many catsups and not enough mustard and mayonnaise. (The charge for all of this will be on your credit card bill, and it will be way too much.)

2 If you are going to a drive through, do not answer “yes” to any questions regarding quantity. If you do, at best you will spend more and eat more. At worst, your three-week exercise program that had you feeling good will now need a reset. (How can something that only weighs twelve ounces put three pounds on your frame?)

1 If you are going to a drive through don’t wait until you get to the order spot to decide you are a vegan. If you do, at best there will be nothing on the menu for you. At worst, the cars behind you will raise an uproar as you search for an acceptable item. (That police officer heading toward you is responding to the manager who  finally gave up asking you for your order.)

34 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do in a Fast Food Drive Through”

  5. When we moved to the Mid-West, we discovered frozen custard. And the best — Freddy’s. So, if you stumble upon this drive-through, worry not about these 10 horrors and choose a taste of heaven — you deserve it.

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  11. I haven’t been to a McDonald’s in ages. Don’t get me wrong, I love the stuff…but the problem is? I love the stuff. But when I DO go, I always go inside even if I’m getting it to go. Not sure why this matters, really. I guess I think I have a better chance of them not messing with my food if I make the effort to come inside…which is completely delusional, I know.

    Another reason I would always go inside first? To test the straw. Because there’s nothing worse than driving down the road and going to take a swig of soda and getting the straw with a slit in it. Ugh! I hate that!

    You’re not drive-through John. You’re full service.

    Love the list!

    Liked by 2 people

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