Ten Things Not to Do on a Sunday

Sunday

 

The inspiration for this list is the belief that everyone should take at least one day to recoup energy. My time of choice is Sunday. The items on this list are here as a result of observations that others believe differently about Sunday.

10 If it is Sunday, do not start a plumbing self-repair job. If you do, at best it will go well. At worst, you will have somehow caused a major flow of water which can’t be stopped until Monday. (Good luck, chief. All the plumbers are off today and that 24/7 emergency repair line has been busy for twelve hours)

9 If it is Sunday, do not mow your lawn. If you do, at best you will only lose a couple of friends. At worst, you will get a visit from Tiny (The WWF world champion) who has a severe case of sleep apnea, and you just woke him up from his first nap in days. (I would use those new Nike’s for speed Buster)

8 If it is Sunday, refrain from using that shop vac to clean out your car. If you use it, at best most of your neighbors will be at church or inside and won’t hear it. At worst, the one neighbor who has anger issues which are triggered by high pitch sounds will decide to silence your machine forever. (Too bad he took out the entire electrical line when he ripped the plug out of the wall.)

7 If it is Sunday, do not drive by the church on your way to the golf course or brunch. If you do, at best the service will be underway and all inside. At worst, you get there just as the congregation gets out all excited about today’s sermon which was about rescuing the lost sheep from sin. (Yup. You now are on everyone’s list as a lamb to save. Good luck with peace and quiet for the next three weeks.)

6 If it is Sunday, fight the urge to use that new chainsaw. If you lost the battle, at best your cutting will be short and sweet. At worst, you will find you have gotten into a cutting situation where the tree looks like it will fall in the wrong direction which will be either on your house or you. (Don’t call for help Bunkie cause no one will come.)

5 If it is Sunday, do not use any sharp objects. If you do, at best you will have no injuries. At worst, you will do your usual self-infliction and have to go to Doc in the Box for help. (Guess who is on duty at the clinic? I’ll give you a hint. The doc is the lowest in seniority and least experienced.)

4 If it is Sunday, do not rush to a restaurant without a reservation. If you do, at best you will have quite a wait as others had the same idea. At worst, the restaurant is not open on Sunday. (WTF don’t they know it is all about you?)

3 If it is Sunday, do not try to watch a football game and finish that last chapter of your novel. If you do, at best both events will be a bust. At worst, you will have a last chapter that reads like an ESPN broadcast. ( “Her hero tried valiantly for the extra effort but was crushed by the overwhelming size and weight of the opposing warriors. The decision was made to go for a final charge, and he breached the line and scored.”)

2 If it is Sunday, do not decide to take in a movie at the last-minute. If you do, at best you won’t see the film you want because of the crowd. At worst, you will need to wait in line for a possible hit on the ten o’clock showing. (“Man where did all these people come from? I can’t believe these people have nothing to do today.” Yeah believe it)

1 If it is Sunday, and you live near me. Please take the time to relax. If you don’t, at best, I’ll put up with the noise for a time. At worst, I’ll write you into a Top Ten post or even worse, one of my novels. (In the novel the outcome won’t be so good either.)

46 comments

  1. Reblogged this on Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life and commented:
    John Howell with 10 things not to do on a Sunday.. I think I managed to break several of these rules yesterday – excellent as always.

  2. Loved this list. I wish he had added one point about it being sunday and having to work on a Sunday.
    Susie

    1. Then there would have to be another day.Thanks for the visit and comment., Susie. 🙂

  3. Luckily, I like Sunday’s for relaxation. We’d get on well as neighbors. 🙂

    1. Good to know in case you move in. 🙂

      1. Well, they say it’s a small world. 🙂

      2. It is isn’t it? 😀

  4. I’m with you John. You should be writing safety notices for the home.
    Hugs

    1. I think that might be another career. Thanks, David 😀

  5. What would a top ten list be without Tiny beating up on the offender? I love that guy. 😀 — Suzanne

    1. I put him in there cause I like him too. Thanks, Suzanne. 🙂

  6. Good one, John. Number seven cracked me up!

    1. Thanks, Jill. Made me laugh as well. 🙂

  7. Now I’m curious as to what inspired this list.

    1. Several hundred Sundays.

      1. Those kind of build up, huh?

  8. I was guilty of #10 precisely one time in my life John. A simple “this will only take a few minutes – what could possibly go wrong” project. Expensive ending.

    1. They do bite you in the end don’t they? Thanks, Dan.

  9. Ah – the ultimate revenge of the author! Where would we be without these satisfying bursts of retribution! 😛

    1. Ha ha ha. Just had to do it. Thanks, Jan. 😀

  10. Great list, Sir John! Here’s #11 – If you’re a Texas Rangers fan, don’t watch them play the Toronto Blue Jays and get swept in the third game. Great game – very close – love my Jays! #ProudCanadian

    1. Yes. Good for you. I am not a Texas Range fan so I’m glad for your victory.

    2. I’m not a Texas Ranger Fan so I’m glad your team won. Good for you. 🙂

  11. Like your list – for my Sundays I prefer to read, watch football, or go to a movie.

    1. I’m with you. Don’t like going to the movies. Have lost too many loafers on the sticky floors and too many Juggy-Fruits on the seat of my pants.

  12. 🙂 🙂 I think my husband had done all of these!

    1. Ha haha. Good for him. 😀

    2. Ha ha ha. Good for him. 😀

  13. Maybe the doc in the box guy can also try to save your soul. Might save a few minutes that you can dedicate to the movie line.

    1. Ha ha ha. Good idea. Thanks, Craig.

  14. Wouldn’t be so bad to be written into your novel, you know. T’would be fun to see oneself living on the edge. 🙂
    Enjoyed this, John. And I agree..Sunday no projects.

    1. Of course not so good seeing oneself impaled with a pitchfork. 🙂

      1. You’re welcome, John! 😀

  15. When you work full time, have a part time job modeling for art classes, are running for state representative, and write novels, it’s difficult to take even an hour, much less a day, to recoup energy. And we run our church nursery every Sunday morning (I’m the baby person while my wife is not), so half of every Sunday is already reserved. I still manage to adhere to this list though, except for number two. The theater by our house plays classic movies on Sundays at 2:00, and if I can get away and if the movie is one of those I’d love to see on a big screen, we will go…

    1. Thanks for the visit. I must say you are pretty busy. Good luck on the State Rep

  16. Loved #3 & #1 especially!

  17. Hahahahaha. I can’t believe how many of these I’ve missed. Need to keep up. Fabulous as always, John. 😀 😀 😀

  18. 11. Write a Stream of consciousness Saturday post….ah, hang on.

    1. Ha ha ha. That is advice for only one person in the universe. You don’t have to take it.

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