Top Ten Things Not to Do When Texting

Texting

The inspiration for this list came to me when I inadvertently sent a text to the wrong person. Lucky there was nothing in the text that might be embarrassing but caused my fiction mind to go into overdrive. I hope you enjoy it.

Top Ten Things Not to Do When Texting

10 When texting, do not use acronyms that you don’t understand. If you do, at best you might be misunderstood.  At worst, you may shock the receiver with your lack of social grace. (You thought WTF meant “Why the Fuss,” didn’t you, Ferd? Too bad Nun Mary Teresa was the recipient of your misunderstanding.)

9 When texting, check to whom you are sending the message. If you don’t, at best your message will provide some laughs. At worst, that disparaging comment about Tiny the WWF champ’s mother will go right to him by mistake. (You could have sworn you were messaging your best friend only to discover you replied to Tiny’s last text to you where he threatened to break your leg. Don’t look but he’s heading toward you now, Buford.)

8 When texting, do not rely on auto-correct to cover your mistakes. If you do, at best you will need to explain that last text. At worst, you just sent a group text to the garden club where you explained that the male Pinto plant needed to be placed inside a moist verdant vessel. (Well, that sure didn’t come out the way you intended did it, Alice?)

7 When texting, do not rely on voice to text as a time saver. If you do, at best your numerous repeats will make it a longer process. At worst, your voice recognition program only understands Cambridge English and you are from New Jersey. (Good luck with that bit of technology, Bunky. BTW Homeland Security thinks you want to blow something up.)

6 When texting, do not include a duck-faced or tongue-out selfie with an obscene gesture thrown in. If you do, at best you’ll demonstrate your lack of originality and IQ. At worst, your selfie will be passed from phone to phone until it ends up with your boss. (That call from HR can’t be good huh, Bosco?)

5 When texting, do not send pictures of your food. If you do, at best folks will think you need a hobby. At worst, you will demonstrate a cry for help that needs intervention. (How is that good feelings camp treating you, Tex?)

4 When Texting, do not use the technology with wish someone a happy Valentine’s day as your only effort. If you do, at best you’ll never have a relationship with that person. At worst, the resultant storm will not be assuaged without some very expensive make-up gifts. (Seemed like an easy way out huh, Pard?)

3 When texting, do not use emojis to express what should be said in person or in words. If you do, at best you’ll be seen as an automaton. At worst, you will receive emojis back that have at the core a message telling you to place your phone in a very dark place. (You don’t know where those emojis came from do you, Buster?)

2 When texting, do not do it while in a social situation. If you do, at best you will look up and find yourself alone. At worst, the rest of the group will take your action as disinterest in the event or them and ignore you for the rest of the evening. (Let’s hope you even notice, Clod.)

1 When texting, do not drive a car or operate machinery. If you do, at best you’ll escape with no consequences. At worst, you’ll hurt someone with your negligence. (You’ll have to live with that the rest of your life, Dope.)

48 comments

    1. *takes bow* Thank ya, thank ya very much.

  1. Number 1 is among the best pieces of advice you have offered in these posts. Regarding 10 – I always thought FFS meant Fat Finger Syndrome. I’ll leave that with your imagination!

    1. I always liked ROTFLMAO. Thanks, Keith

  2. Your list is why I don’t text. Great advice for those who do, John…especially number one. Happy Monday!

    1. Thanks, Jill. Happy Monday (oxymoron?) to you 😀

  3. Gwen Plano · ·

    Great list! My kids love to text, and it drives me bananas. I especially love #7, though, as one of my brothers only texts via voice. His messages are beyond hilarious – and I think he is unaware.

    1. I can imagine. “Hey Mom you want to go to the Palladium tonight?” Thanks, Gwen

  4. Wouldn’t it be a great world if everyone paid attention to #1?
    That aside, this was a fun start to my Monday. #4 and #5 were my favorites, and the pic at the top is hilarious. I think all of us have probably texted the wrong person at one time or another. I know I’ve done it more than once. Fortunately, nothing embarrassing.
    Auto-correct is another story. I once told someone they were an idiot (although I can’t remember what I was attempting to spell).

    1. Probably idol. Thanks, Mae Clair. Some day everyone will understand the problem with texting and driving. Of course there are still people who drink and drive so maybe not.

      1. Good point!
        And you could be right about idol.
        Now I’m wondering why I might have been texting that, LOL!

  5. Never tried a voice to text because I can see it going horribly. Especially with auto-correct. Mine has started to do this weird thing where it completes the word it thinks I want. I have to stay vigilant or I’ll finish the text without realizing ‘terrific’ got turned into ‘terrible’, ‘turtle’, or ‘terrifying’.

    #1 drives me nuts too. How can anybody think that’s a good idea?

    1. Thanks, Charles. I was almost run over by a guy on a bike texting. I absolutely hate that “finish the word feature” 😀

      1. I remember my first week in Florida had something like that. Went for a walk around the new area and a pick up truck nearly hit me. The driver was on the phone and got up on the sidewalk for a bit. Should have taken that hint and returned to New York. 😀

  6. Funny, but truly sound advice! 🙂

    1. Hmmm. I must be slipping. Thank you, Jan. 😀

  7. I had children to explain emojis to me. Funny stuff, john!

    1. Me too, Steve. Thanks. 😀

  8. Well done, Mr John! Glad to see I’m not the only one who doesn’t text while driving. Thanks for the Monday chuckles!

    1. I hoe there are a lot who don’t text and drive. Thank you, John

  9. I’d love to stamp #1 across some people’s foreheads.

    1. Looking in a mirror is probably hard for them. 😀

  10. So far I haven’t done #9 with texts, but certainly with emails: most embarrassing! 😉 As to #8: I have a love/hate relaionship to autocorrect. Sometimes it’s helpful, sometimes not, and sometimes it can be outright funny/witty.

    1. This one was in MY spam folder. Man what is going on?

  11. Texting while driving is illegal in Illinois (though I still see folks doing it). Surely nothing is so important to say in a text that it can’t wait until one pulls over and stops the car? Great list, John!

    1. Thanks, Debbie. Stop is a good idea. 🙂

  12. Fab advice, with a little comical spin. 🙂 Thanks for sharing, John!!

  13. #7 reminds me of an expression my best friend and I used to use. When we were both working, but wanted to have lunch, we would choose a restaurant, decide who should pick whom up and schedule a “drive-by” for 11:45. One of the places we’d go is a place called Mickey’s – I’d get a call from him which would simply be “Can you do a drive-by for Mickey’s today?” I can only imagine that as a text.

    #1 is the best advice ever!

    1. I could see it sent to city hall too Thanks, Dan

  14. Great advice, John! #1 texting while driving should be a heftier fine & enforced!! See too many texters on the road. Scary! Have sent text messages to wrong people, but TG no embarrassments. Have to keep up with the the techie times, text family members and send photos! Happy week! 🎶 Christine

    1. Thank you Christine. I agree on the hefty fines. 🙂

  15. All sound logical to me although I don’t know the first thing about texting. Stands to reason you cannot do two things at once. Oops. o_O

  16. This top text error is very funny, good list, predictive text corrections are horrendous but good for blaming poor spelling on. I could never drive and text my eyes are glued on the road, our roads are too busy and congested.

    1. Good for you. 😀

  17. Reblogged this on Don Massenzio's Blog and commented:
    Some excellent tips from John Howell on what not to do when texting.

  18. Well said. Texting has unfortunately become our secondary language, and many of us aren’t as fluent as we think we are.

    1. Thank you for the comments and you are right. 😀

    1. *in her notes section of the phone while caroming down the highway* 😀

  19. I’m so glad I don’t own a cellphone…

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