Top Ten Things Not to Do While Bungee Jumping

Bungee jumping

 

The inspiration for this list was the desire to do a top ten post that would provide no useful information but just humor. I picked bungee jumping since I’m sure most of you have never contemplated doing something that obscure. If you have then all the better. The point is I hope you enjoy the list even though it may not apply to you.

Top Ten Things Not to Do While Bungee Jumping.

10 While Bungee jumping, do not attempt to light your smoke. If you do, at best you’ll still be trying at the bottom of the jump. At worst, you ‘ll be successful, and between the highs and lows of the jump, your shirt is now on fire. (Tough to put out with this wind huh, Bunky?)

9 While Bungee Jumping, do not attempt to tighten your ankle cuffs. If you do at best, you will turn the keys the proper way for tightening. At worst, you’ll be confused loosen them instead. (Sure feels funny this free flight thing huh, Pilgrim?)

8 While Bungee jumping, do not try to impress your friends with too many acrobatics. If you do, at best that Triple Lux with come off without a hitch. At worst you have extended the Bungee’s about one foot too far. (Could have used that foot when you hit the canyon floor huh, Buford?)

7 While Bungee jumping, do not try to eat your leftover Pad Thai mid-air. If you do, at best you might get a bite or two. At worst, you’ll finish the jump looking like the after photo of a food fight. (If you are careful you can save some of those noodles, Buster.)

6 While Bungee jumping, do not group text your friends. If you do, At best your text won’t be understood. At worst, the auto correct feature will alienate every friend you have. (You thought the message, “Best of Luck to You,” would be well received huh, Leroy?”)

5 While Bungee jumping, do not edit your latest manuscript. If you do, at best you get one or two words covered before the first bounce. At worst, the wind will take your manuscript and spread it over several miles. (Should have numbered those pages huh, Slick?)

4 While Bungee jumping, do not close your eyes on the way down. If you do, at best you might miss the good parts. At worst, the ride personnel will assume you’ve passed out and will throw you into an EMS vehicle despite your protestations. (Who ever heard of someone taking a nap on a bungee jump, Ferd?)

3 While Bungee jumping, do not jump before taking care of that 32 oz Big Gulp drink you just finished. If you do, at best you’ll feel like a full watermelon when the g-forces hit you at the bottom. At worst, you treat all the bystanders to a show at your expense. (Now where are you going to find some dry pants, Tex?)

2 While Bungee jumping, do not turn the GoPro camera to capture your face. If you do, at best you forgot to turn it on. At worst, the video of you screaming like a kid will go viral. (You could have taken some beautiful shots of the valley, but no you had to be a hero, huh Ralph?)

1 While Bungee jumping, do not forget to tip the cuff connector guy. If you do, at best you can take care of it after the jump is over. At worst, Tiny the WWF champ was highly offended you forgot him. (That ground comes up fast without those bothersome lines huh, Burt?)

62 comments

  1. Gwen Plano · ·

    OMG… I don’t know how you think these things up! #10 left me in tears…good grief! LOL
    The photo is amazing – dance in mid-air. 🙂

  2. As if I needed ten more reasons not to take part in that activity!

  3. Yes! I now wait through every post for the Tiny reference! Love it

  4. You’re crazy! This was hilarious, John!

    1. Thanks, Jill. I wanted to do one that was so obviously outrageous that it would never show up anywhere as an advice post. I think I succeeded by your reaction. 😀

  5. I am hoping you didn’t figure these things out through trial and error? 😉 Great, fun post, John!! Cayman sent me over here to check out your blog. (I hosted a small party at my place last week, because the weather was so nice and I wanted to check out some new blogs!) Have a writerly day!

    1. Thanks for coming by, Kate. Any friend of Cayman’s is a welcome friend. I’ve been following you for quite a while and have enjoyed your writer’s advice. 🙂

  6. Great list. Gives me 10 more reasons I don’t have an interest in hurling myself off a bridge with rubber bands strapped to my ankles. :p

    1. I’m with you. Never had the desire. 🙂

  7. Picturing the Pad Thai. Maybe a sandwich would have been better. The #1 tip is a good one. It’s also the reason I always tip the guy at the curbside check-in with the airlines. I do appreciate his being out there in the early morning cold, AND I would like my luggage to be on the same place as me.

    1. I had an argument at La Guardia with the curbside guy. My bags went to Antwerp and I went to Idaho. I did tip him but didn’t help. 😀

      1. Yikes! Those cities are about as far apart as you can get. Must have been a good argument.

      2. My wife and I had to attend a business dinner in jeans. Made a big hit.

  8. If Tiny isn’t tipped it sounds like there will be a lot more human pancakes. Hilarious, John. 😀 — Suzanne

    1. Thanks, Suzanne. He tends to have a low threshold for understanding. 🙂

  9. My list would include: Do not bite your tongue while trying to suppress a manic scream!!!

    1. Ha ha ha. I love that GP. Thanks. 😀

      1. I guess you can’t beat the truth for a good laugh!!

      2. I think you are right. 😀

  10. Well – I bungee jumped. It’s been many years ago, but I assure you, I didn’t do any of the things listed above, although #1 probably isn’t a bad idea to consider.

    1. And you are here to tell the tale. Good job.

  11. I’ve never jumped and I don’t think I’ve ever thought about it. #3 and #9 got the biggest chuckles.

    1. Thanks, Frank. Enjoyed them too.

  12. Heh heh… I’m still chuckling about “Pilgrim” for some reason… the name tickled my funny bone. You killed me with #3. And I’m delighted Tiny made it to the bungee fest! Wouldn’t want him to feel left out.
    John, I think you’ve given us a huge, bouncy, lovely dose of whimsy this morning, and I thank you. Flying pigs are nothing compared to this. Mega hugs.

    1. Thanks, Teagan. My practical side took the day off and I loved it. Glad you enjoyed it. 😀

  13. Great Monday morning fun, good sir! As a former smoker, I really liked #10!

    1. Ha haha. Can you imagine a butane lighter and a bungee jump. 😀

      1. Actually… I can actually see some numbskull, dying for a smoke, trying that!

      2. I would think the ten seconds of free fall and bounce back would mean he could wait. You are right, of course.:-)

  14. Good morning, John,
    When I read #6, “do not group text”, I also thought of “do not have group sex”. 😉
    Have a wonderful day,
    Pit

    1. Yes, group sex might be a confusing and at best shortly lived thing. Thanks, Pit 😀

  15. My favorites were #3 and #2. Especially #2. Can you imagine that face, LOL.
    I can honestly say that bungee jumping is something I’ve never contemplated or intend to, but should lunacy strike…well, I’ll have your list 🙂

    1. Yes you do. (Don’t do it) Thanks, Mae Clair. 🙂

  16. No options for me! Saw someone once bungee-jump out of a hot air balloon and vowed it was not for me in any form!

    1. I agree. Thanks, Jo

  17. There is NO WAY I’d consider bungee jumping, not even if somebody paid me! After all, how much can you enjoy money when you’re six feet under??!

    1. Ha ha ha . I’m with you Debbie.

  18. I will take your advice about Pad Thai to heart. Too many people try too many complicated things while eating Pad Thai. I have seen people try eating it on a date. Never a good idea.

    1. OMG. How about on a job interview? Ha ha ha.

  19. Although I have been skydiving, I have no desire to bungee jump! My son & daughter-in-law went when they were in Whistler a few years ago. They loved it but I am still not convinced! Hilarious list John.

    1. Thanks, Lynn. I’m with you.

  20. Up here we have those who jump off the bridge in Twin Falls with parachutes. I threw a plastic army man with a ‘chute in tribute. On bungee day you might want to skip the Metamucil too.

    1. Metamucil or sauerkraut for lunch

      1. Yeah, that Ruebin sandwich would do it. Wait one hour before diving, kids.

      2. Big sign on the entrance to the bungee place.

  21. This is not a ‘How-To’ post??

    1. Nope. Next door is the how to. 😀

  22. You never fail to entertain, John! 🙂 Thanks for the laugh.

    1. Thank you, Jan. Glad you liked it.

  23. Wait a minute. Wait one gosh durn minute! No smoking whilst bungee jumping? It’s only a month into Trump’s America! He couldn’t have passed a bill outlawing such a thing that quickly!

    And Tiny takes the top spot! Officially, at that. Like . . . Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway didn’t announce it. Because you know how THAT works out.

    Nicely done, Sheriff.

    And MUCH good luck, peace and love and more good luck manana. I’ll be catching up on my purchases and I look forward to delving into your mad talents.

    1. Thanks, Pilgrim. 😀

  24. I now know more about bungee jumping than I thought possible–all new–and I feel somewhat seasick. O_o o_O 😀 😛

    1. Yes. Here take this brown bag. Go over there. 😀

  25. Phew! You had me there. I was thinking “What! No Tiny, this week.”

    1. Yup. He has to make it somehow. Thanks, Hugh. 🙂

  26. Thank God I’m a coward…

    1. You are me both.

  27. ROFL!! I’ve never even thought I’d do it. Flying shotgun in a glider…Yeah, I’d do that. I don’t even do the death drop rides at amusement parks!

    1. I would do Glider as well. Thanks 🙂

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