The inspiration for this list was the desire to do a top ten post that would provide no useful information but just humor. I picked bungee jumping since I’m sure most of you have never contemplated doing something that obscure. If you have then all the better. The point is I hope you enjoy the list even though it may not apply to you.
Top Ten Things Not to Do While Bungee Jumping.
10 While Bungee jumping, do not attempt to light your smoke. If you do, at best you’ll still be trying at the bottom of the jump. At worst, you ‘ll be successful, and between the highs and lows of the jump, your shirt is now on fire. (Tough to put out with this wind huh, Bunky?)
9 While Bungee Jumping, do not attempt to tighten your ankle cuffs. If you do at best, you will turn the keys the proper way for tightening. At worst, you’ll be confused loosen them instead. (Sure feels funny this free flight thing huh, Pilgrim?)
8 While Bungee jumping, do not try to impress your friends with too many acrobatics. If you do, at best that Triple Lux with come off without a hitch. At worst you have extended the Bungee’s about one foot too far. (Could have used that foot when you hit the canyon floor huh, Buford?)
7 While Bungee jumping, do not try to eat your leftover Pad Thai mid-air. If you do, at best you might get a bite or two. At worst, you’ll finish the jump looking like the after photo of a food fight. (If you are careful you can save some of those noodles, Buster.)
6 While Bungee jumping, do not group text your friends. If you do, At best your text won’t be understood. At worst, the auto correct feature will alienate every friend you have. (You thought the message, “Best of Luck to You,” would be well received huh, Leroy?”)
5 While Bungee jumping, do not edit your latest manuscript. If you do, at best you get one or two words covered before the first bounce. At worst, the wind will take your manuscript and spread it over several miles. (Should have numbered those pages huh, Slick?)
4 While Bungee jumping, do not close your eyes on the way down. If you do, at best you might miss the good parts. At worst, the ride personnel will assume you’ve passed out and will throw you into an EMS vehicle despite your protestations. (Who ever heard of someone taking a nap on a bungee jump, Ferd?)
3 While Bungee jumping, do not jump before taking care of that 32 oz Big Gulp drink you just finished. If you do, at best you’ll feel like a full watermelon when the g-forces hit you at the bottom. At worst, you treat all the bystanders to a show at your expense. (Now where are you going to find some dry pants, Tex?)
2 While Bungee jumping, do not turn the GoPro camera to capture your face. If you do, at best you forgot to turn it on. At worst, the video of you screaming like a kid will go viral. (You could have taken some beautiful shots of the valley, but no you had to be a hero, huh Ralph?)
1 While Bungee jumping, do not forget to tip the cuff connector guy. If you do, at best you can take care of it after the jump is over. At worst, Tiny the WWF champ was highly offended you forgot him. (That ground comes up fast without those bothersome lines huh, Burt?)