Top Ten Things Not to do in The Back of a Police Car

~ John W. Howell

Spring Break

 

Spring break inspires many things. There are enough police interventions during this time to be an inspiration for some stories. I picked a small segment of time and provide advice to those who find themselves behind the grid so to speak.

Top Ten Things Not to do in The Back of a Police Car

By John W. Howell © 2017

10 In the back of a police car, do not start a campfire thinking you need to stay warm. If you do, at best the foam extinguisher may make your face break out. At worst, your dad will not answer your call, and the judge is remanding you over for psychological evaluation. (Looks like the cost of the car and long-term care will be on you, Pumpkin)

9 In the back of a police car, do not remove your clothes. If you do, at best you will be asked to put them back on. At worst, in addition to all the charges so far you have added indecent exposure. (Let’s see how this plays in the hometown paper, Bunky)

8 In the back of a police car, do not sing Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody. If you do, at best you will be on key with no consequences. At worst, your performance will be videotaped and go viral showing up at every job interview background check for the next ten years. (Wonder why it’s so hard to find work, Buford?)

7 In the back of a police car, do not try to kick your way out. If you do, at best you may sprain an ankle. At worst, the resisting arrest charge will require arm and leg restraints for every court appearance. (Nothing makes one look guilty quite as much as chains huh, Tex?)

6 In the back of a police car, do not try hysterical crying as a method of possible release.  If you do, at best you may be locked up for your own protection. At worst, you may find yourself strapped to a gurney under observation at the local hospital. (This was not an intended result was it, Bucky?)

5 In the back of a police car, do not think you are in a public restroom. If you do, at best you find no place to wash up. At worst, you will notice the name tag on the officer now holding you around the neck which reads, “Tiny.” (You didn’t know this was Tiny’s (WWF champ) favorite car did you, Slug? Now it might be a little too late.)

4 In the back of a police car, do not whine about the tight handcuffs. If you do, at best you will be ignored. At worse, your cuffs will be traded out for a full straight jacket. (Makes the cuffs seem like a luxury right, Pard?)

3 In the back of a police car do not try to tell the officers how mush of a mistake they are making in arresting you. If you do, at best they will continue to ignore you. At worst, instead of a short ride and warning, they may personally drive you to the county jail and book you in. (Nothing like making it tougher on yourself huh, Slick?)

2 In the back of a police car do not wave and smile at everyone you pass. If you do, at best no one knows who you are. At worst, unbeknownst to you, some your parent’s friends witnessed your procession. (Those scholarship funds just aren’t going to cover all your college expenses now that you are cut off are they, Buster?)

1 In the back of a police car, pray you don’t get sick. If you do at best maybe the prayer will be answered. At worst, your prayer has been ignored, and you are now faced with two angry police officers and a very messy backseat. (Tomorrow morning ought to be a beaut huh, Roscoe?)

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Published by John W. Howell

I have been working in business for over forty years and now have the time to work in special areas of interest. My passion has always been to create compelling stories of fiction. I have authored six novels and am working on my Seventh. The first novel is still in manuscript form and being utilized as a door stop in the laundry room. The second is a contemporary fiction novel of 89,000 words and is complete and I am currently seeking a publisher. I also write poetry but have not had the guts to share any with anyone. The one time I read a piece to a person their only comment was, “it doesn’t rhyme.” I will continue to write and hopefully my blog, Fiction Favorites at www.johnwhowell.com will provide some entertainment and an interesting thought or two. I live in the Austin area with my wife Molly and an assortment of loving pets.

62 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to do in The Back of a Police Car”

  8. Thank goodness that’s one thing I’ve never had to do. My dad use to say, “You better not ever get caught doing that again.” So I concentrated my efforts of not getting caught.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. John… you are a riot, my friend. Terrific list to brighten me up with a blizzard on the way.
    I laughed out loud when Tiny showed up as a policeman. .
    But I love number 8 and Bohemian Rhapsody. Bushwa! So that’s what the problem is!
    Mega hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Excellent advice, John, but could you shorten each point to no more than five words and enlarge the font to 40pt? Let’s just say that most people in the backseat of a police car have a hard time focusing. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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  20. Sorry to be late to the party, John. At least I didn’t need this advice yesterday. I can add one, from oh, let’s call it my over-active imagination. If the police are going to drop you off at your parent’s house, don’t ask them to drive off quietly. At best, they will slam the door after letting you out. At worst, they will slam the door, and wait for you to open the door to your house. Then it’s lights and siren time.

    Liked by 1 person

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