Top Ten Things Not to Expect on an Island

Top Ten Things Not to Do

 

The inspiration for this list came from listening to comments made by some of the over 100,000 visitors to our island over the weekend.  If you plan on visiting an island at least you have been warned.

10 On an island, do not expect the internet to work all day. If you do, at best you’ll miss some precious e-mails. At worst, that report that was due at the office on Friday at noon is still in your outbox Sunday night. (So much for telling the boss you were working from home hey, Homer?)

9 On an island, do not expect the ferry service to run on time. If you do, at best you will have an unplanned delay. At worst, you finally ran out of gas while sitting in the line and Tiny the WWF champ is behind the wheel of a bulldozer driving towards you. (Tiny has his orders to clear the line and no one told him how to do it. Don’t worry, Ferd, your car is now part of the reef infrastructure which is a good thing.)

8 On an island, do not expect continuous electrical service. If you do, at best you’ll miss your favorite TV show. At worst, that two days of fish you caught will give you a great surprise when you discover them at room temperature in the bottom drawer of the refrigerator. (What do they say about guests and fish after three days, huh Putz?)

7 On an island, do not think you will find low-cost anything. If you do, at best you’ll have to get over sticker shock. At worst, you may run out of money early and have to cut your vacation short. (Too bad no one wants to buy or pawn that fishing equipment huh, Bunky?)

6 On an island, do not expect to be anonymous. If you do, at best you will be confused when storekeepers call you by name. At worst, that rude behavior you exhibited while checking into the hotel will follow you everywhere. (Now that you think about it Buford, that bowl of chili that accidentally landed in your lap might not have been so accidental. BTW have you ever heard of the coconut telegraph?)

5 On an island, do not expect peace and quiet during peak tourist days. If you do, at best you will tire of trying to tell everyone to be quiet. At worst, the last folks you told to be quiet were members of the  Outlaw chapter of the Hells Angles on their annual Raise Hell Tour.(No there is no one to rescue you Bunkie. You might as well go ahead and drink that half-gallon bong of beer and get it over quickly. Also, I wouldn’t try to convince those guys that you are allergic.)

4 On an island, do not expect to find your favorite brands at the grocery store. If you do, at best you’ll be disappointed. At worst, you’ll try to make do and realize that the items you picked bear no resemblance to what you expected. (You should have read the fine print on the contents of that creamed corn, Buster. If you had you would have spared yourself the apoplectic reaction and EMS trip)

3 On an island, do not expect cell service. If you do, at best you will be highly frustrated. At worst, all those calls you placed on the mainland and asked for a call back have all called back and now assume you don’t care since your phone went to voicemail immediately. ( Gee, Ralph. That agent was so hard to find and now believes you are an inconsiderate ass. I guess that contract won’t get signed after all.)

2 On an island, do not expect to make reservations at the best restaurants. If you do, at best you’ll spend a lot of time with no results. At worst, your refusal to stand in line with forty of your closest fellow tourists means fast food three nights in a row. (Who ever said this food was fast, huh Tex?)

1 On an island, do not expect that you are the only one who has thought of a visit. If you do, at best you will be shocked by the crowds. At worst, you will run into all the people you were trying to avoid by coming to the island in the first place. (The real downer was seeing your boss in a speedo huh, Leroy?)

40 comments

  1. Gwen Plano · ·

    LOL..Island living came alive with this list – the challenges and the delight! So, do you escape when the crowds arrive or join in the festivity? 🙂

    1. I do my Howard Hughes imitation.Make sure there is plenty of food and wine and hunker down. 😀

  2. Great “ten things” list, John. I wouldn’t want to see Tiny coming at me in any way, shape or form let alone in a bulldozer. O_o —- Suzanne

    1. I know right? 😀 Thanks, Suzanne.

  3. Great list, John! I’ve experienced a few of things things while visiting various islands. Happy Monday!

    1. Thanks, Jill. Happy Monday as well.

  4. So are these only problems for tourists? I’m curious if locals have secrets to get around such things. Hope there wasn’t too much of a mess this time. I still remember the pictures you posted of the aftermath in previous years.

    1. We are all in the same boat. (Sometimes hot muggy boat)

      1. I’ll be on the Lido Deck with the large palm frond fans.

  5. Eeeew, #1…we won’t go there. #5 reminds me of our first Irish Setter, Mitzi. Mitzi loved to ride in my pickup. She was usually very good with the people we would drive by and pull up next to. One day, at a red light at a two lane intersection, we were next to a group of bikers. Leather, chains and Harleys and Mitzi started barking like it was the zombie apocalypse. “Please, please turn green” mumbled under “Sorry, sorry, really sorry….”

    1. Your story reminds me of the “You know you’re going to have a bad day when you are behind a pack of Hells Angles and your horn sticks.” Thanks, Dan

  6. OMG, John… “(The real downer was seeing your boss in a speedo huh, Leroy?)” If you only knew… I can’t un-see that even if I only imagined it. o_O
    Otherwise the “bad” things sound pretty good to me.
    I had to look up coconut telegraph — that was interesting. Have a marvelous Monday. Mega hugs.

    1. Thank you, Teagan. Yeah the boss vision is a hard one to eliminate. Of course it could come in handy when you need a light moment. 😀

  7. Oi-yoy-yoy! That all rings true for us over here in Cornwall (we’re surrounded by water including the river Tamar which forms 98% of our east ‘coast’ with a small land bridge to N. Devon… Thanks for the Monday smile, John! 😀

    1. Thank you, Jan. I guess you know then. 🙂

  8. Still laughing. I’ve vacationed on a few islands and your list is pretty accurate.

    1. Thanks, Michelle. 😀

  9. Ah yes, the joys of living in a tourist trap! I imagine it just gets worse when the kiddies are out of school for the summer. Great post, John!

  10. Surely there must be some down sides to island life, John.

  11. Ah, living on Island Time! 🙂

  12. That photo of paradise while I’m sitting in front of my computer hit particularly hard this Monday morning, John! Great list, too, especially the first (or last) one!

  13. I could deal with this to live that close to the beach!

  14. I think I would be more of a hermit when the crowd shows up. You know, one of those “get off my lawn,” types.

  15. On an island…don’t expect everyone to be properly dressed. *Giggle* Too funny
    These made me miss Galveston..

    1. Ha ha ha. I missed that one. 😀

  16. John, your ten rules posts remind me why I always get into trouble….. I can never remember more than one or two things at best.

    1. Better to be free to break rules that have to remember them and live a life of control. Thanks, Greg.

  17. Great list, John.

      1. You’re welcome.

  18. Great list, John. I am glad I don’t live on an island, I can do without many things but no internet!

    1. I think we would all be lost without it. 🙂

  19. Living on the coast (and near a beach), a lot of this also applies to us. I do much the same as you, John. Get the supplies in before they all arrive and don’t come out for the house for the holiday weekend (providing the internet is working). Phew! By Tuesday morning, everything back to how it should be, and I’ve got my beach back). 😀

    1. The way of the beach life for sure. Thanks, Hugh.

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