Top Ten Things Not to Do When a Hurricane is Headed Your Way

~ John W. Howell

Hurricane Harvey

 

10 When a hurricane is headed your way, do not think it would be a good time to surf the storm surge. If you do, at best the authorities will arrest you. At worst, you’ll ride that last big one into the next county. (Now you have to figure a way back huh, Banjo?)

9 When a hurricane is headed your way, do not decide to ride it out at home. If you do, at best you’ll have a flotation device. At worst, you will need to tread water until you find dry land again. (maybe that couch floating by will be of some use, Beauregard.)

8 When a hurricane is headed your way, do not think you can take everything you own with you. If you do, at best you will come to your senses. At worst, once the car is packed you’ll find you have no room for the family. (Now logic says the family is more important than your beer cap collection right, Bently?)

7 When a hurricane is headed your way, do not think you won’t need a plan. If you do, at best the hurricane will go somewhere else. At worst, Tiny the WWF champ who has the lowest seniority on the first responder team will be picking you off your roof. (You are right to wonder if he might drop you before getting into the helicopter, Bertrand.)

6 When a hurricane is headed your way, do not think the Dominos Pizza delivery man will be your back up food plan. If you do, at best your supply of Fritos and dip will last. At worst, you’ll be down to the crumbs in the bread bag and the worm in the bottle. (Guess you should have stocked up on more than party supplies, Bowie.)

5 When a hurricane is headed your way, do not underestimate its strength. If you do, at best that patio furniture will blow out to sea instead of into your living room. At worst, that refrigerator on your porch that you insisted would stay put has been responsible for repeated entrances and exits from your house. (Never thought that thing could make so many holes did you, Bruno?)

4 When a hurricane is headed your way, do not wait until the last-minute to leave. If you do, at best you will have to wait in traffic. At worst, you will be riding out the hurricane on the side of the road. (Yes your car will float for a while, Barnard, but then sinking is inevitable.)

3 When a hurricane is headed your way, do not think you will be allowed back to your house quickly after it is over. If you do, at best you will be very frustrated. At worst, those temporary arrangements you made look to be more permanent than the patience of your host. (Maybe time to find some temporary housing, Benny. Your host has a funny look while sharpening those knives.)

2 When a hurricane is headed your way, do not think your WiFi and cell service will continue throughout the storm. If you do, at best you will recapture what life was like before these services were invented. At worst, your advanced case of Fear of Missing Out will cause you to require medical attention. ( At least that injection the nurse just gave you has a calming effect, Benson)

1 When a hurricane is headed your way, do not worry about things that can be replaced. If you do, at best your priorities will probably need to change. At worst, you will spend worry time on things that in reality don’t mean a thing. (I guess you’ve been told huh, Buford.)

88 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do When a Hurricane is Headed Your Way”

  6. Catastrophic events are heartbreaking and life changing. But your #1 point says it all – try not to worry about things that can be replaced. Blessings during this very difficult time, John. We are all deeply grateful you and yours are safe.

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  8. John, what a sense of humor you have — no wonder you are such a role model. Great work with all the “B” names. I got such a kick out of it that I can overlook Tiny’s absence! 😀 And glad that you didn’t leave out ole Buford. Still sending every good thought to you and yours. Huge hugs, my friend.

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  11. You sure did a great job of looking at the lighter side of this disaster, good sir! My fav was the refrigerator making the rounds! LOL! Peace, John.

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  15. Spoken from experience. Unfortunately, there are always some who think it would be fun to take the 40 ft boat out to sea and experience the hurricane up close and personal. 🙂

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  16. Great advice, John, and I love the graphic! Sometimes running is the best thing to do. Glad you’re all safe. Don’t be in too much of a hurry to get back — the work will still be there, waiting for your arrival!

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  18. All good advice especially number 1. Although, I’ve never had to actually evacuate I’ve packed for it more than once- and it is an eye opening experience on what is actually important. Very glad you are safe!

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      1. Sorry to hear about the damage – but glad to hear it is repairable. I imagine the home-repair-ripoff sharks are circling. Beware of them.

        I saw some films of Port Aransas – they broke my heart.

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  22. I read this with mixed feelings because it was so humorous, but like everyone else, I couldn’t stop thinking about your situation. Hoping and praying you are safely back in your own home soon!

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  23. Hope you are still weathering the storm. I read about Houston this morning. I feel badly for people who are suffering. We are all part of the human comedy and probably very capable of making mistakes. I do get frustrated when I read about “dumb” things that people do but maybe I would do them too.

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  27. Humorous piece now but not so much when we worried and prayed for your safety. I also write humorous pieces about things that could have gone so wrong. There may be something wrong with us both. 🙂

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  28. We get hurricanes in Texas every few years. When we lived on the coast, we packed the car and drove to Austin to ride them out. Carla wiped out the homes of half my parents’ friends and many members of his church. Even before we left, however, my mother stocked up on canned food that was edible without heating in case we couldn’t make it out of town. Never underestimate a hurricane, even at Cat 1. It can still kill you, rip your home off the foundations or flood every room in the house. If you have pets, take them with you. They’re less equipped to survive than you.

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  32. John, I love that you have a sense of humour, even in the middle of the absolute chaos you must be experiencing. Stay safe my friend.

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  33. Reblogged this on Author Don Massenzio and commented:
    I have to hand it to John Howell. He lives in an area that was likely devastated by the latest hurricane. His ability to find humor in this situation is commendable. Please check out this post on the Top Ten Things Not to do When a Hurricane is Headed Your Way from John’s blog.

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  34. I’m so glad you haven’t lost your sense of humor. And I’m glad you are safe. It’s just awful the damage that Harvey has done. I hope your home is still there when you get back. From what I hear Aransas and Rockport were hit the worst 😦

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  35. Courage and humour in the face of true adversity. True character.
    Here in the UK a dozen trees fall over and six inches of rain and the whole country is in crisis. All relative I suppose
    Sorry to read of your damage. Hope all will turn out ok and this storm is a once-in-century affair.
    Best wishes, we’re thinking of you folk.
    Roger (UK)

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  36. Glad to read you got back to your home yesterday and you’re all safe and well, sorry to hear you’ve got repairs to do, one of my Mum’s colleagues has just grinding-wheel cut into his arm so probably best to get someone in! Loved your list too, never heard Buford. Be safe.

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  39. A timely post, John. Number one says it all. We can replace items, but not lives. I hope you and the family are all safe and well and that you’ll be able to get back home soon. It’s lovely to see that your humour is still on top form, given the circumstances you’ve had to face.

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  40. Comical but sad what you have had to go through, John. I wish you well. Stay safe. Prayers for you and your family. Now more hurricanes are heading up the coast. May everyone be safe. 😘

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