Top Ten Things Not to Do After a Hurricane Hits Your House

Top Ten Things Not to Do

 

10 If a hurricane hits your house, do not start a Go Fund Me campaign. If you do, at best you’ll look like a privateer. At worst, you may not collect anything but some old Chucky Cheese tokens. ( Made you feel better for a day huh, Boewolf?)

9 If a hurricane hits your house, do not rush into the community to see how things are. If you do, at best you won’t be allowed in. At worst, you will get in and then need to be rescued. ( You thought the rain was over didn’t you, Berton?)

8 If a hurricane hits your house and you are allowed to visit, do not plan to stay the night. If you do, at best the police will ask you to leave. At worst, you’ll try to sleep in temperatures above ninety degrees. (You now know what a pig on a spit feels like don’t you, Blaze.)

7 If a hurricane hits your house, do not listen to fast talking con artists. If you do, at best you just say no. At worst, you authorize some repairs and hand over a down payment. (That was the last time you saw your best friend, right, Boswell?)

6 If a hurricane hits your house, do not try to turn on the water and electricity yourself. If you do, at best there will be no leaks. At worst, the broken main flooded the electrical box, and your house burned to the ground. (Gee, Branan. Maybe that plumber and electrician might have been cheaper than DYI.)

5 If a hurricane hits your house, do not open your refrigerator while alone. If you do, at best stand up wind. At worst, you could be overcome by the smell and need to be evacuated. (Shoulda thought about removing that food when you left, Brick.)

4 If a hurricane hits your house, do not drink the water until advised. If you do, at best you’ll survive. At worst, you will get amoebic dysentery. (You will survive, Bren it’s just you’ll pray you won’t.)

3 If a hurricane hits your house, do not violate the curfew. If you do, at best you’ll need to be quiet and not turn on a flashlight. At worst, the police will think you are a looter. (not very comfortable dodging bullets in your own home is it, Bryson?)

2 If a hurricane hits your house, do not ask Tiny the WWF champ to help you remove debris. If you do, at best you’ll have to feed him. At worst, he won’t know the difference between debris and the good stuff. (You were almost positive that west wall was okay before Tiny started working right, Byron?)

1 If a hurricane hits your house, do not delay filing all the forms. If you do, at best you will be at the bottom of the list.  At worst, all the funding will be gone, and you will be left without help. (Seems like your distaste for forms has finally caught up with you, Brogan.)

64 comments

  1. Wow, not often I have the first comment! Another good list, John. Going to print this one out just in case climate change eventually puts Ontario into hurricane alley! Lots of driving today – homeward bound.

    1. Global warming would have to turn to global heart wave for that to happen. Thanks, John

  2. Guessing a lot of people have and will make these mistakes. Remember stories about #1 from the Sandy recovery. Nothing says compassion like adding tons of red tape to an already difficult situation.

    Why do I have a feeling there’s at least one Rich person out there who said that meme st least in private?

    1. With a glass of $100 wine in his hand to a less fortunate subordinate.

      1. Yeah, that’s pretty much what I came up with. Add in the snobby laughter too.

  3. I love the meme at the top. I wish. It sounds a little like Ivanka Trump’s book of advice for working women. Tiny lumbering around in the house would certainly detect anything loose and in need of repair or any damaged floor boards. At least that’s a beginning. All the best in the repairs to your own home, John. 😉 — Suzanne

    1. Thank you, Susanne. I loved that meme as well.

  4. That was not the smiley face I meant it to be. 🙂 was what I wanted. This keyboard plays tricks on me.

  5. Oh, man – there are so many things we take for granted on this side of the pond! 😦 #1 sounds absolutely key to getting things back to normal! As for Tiny – glad to see he made the list and got some therapy for his anger management, even if he needs heavy supervision! 😛

  6. Reblogged this on Jan Hawke INKorporated and commented:
    Some salient thoughts on Harvey, from Mustang John! 😀

    1. Thank you for the reblog, Jan

  7. Terrific, funny, and wise list. And who knew “B” names could be so funny? Boewolf and Boswell? Ha! Ugh… you might want to pick up a carpal tunnel glove at the drug store while you’re in Austin — for filling out those forms — paper or online.

    John… OMG. That meme sounds like so many of the GS15s and SESs (senior execs) I work with… And they don’t have millionaire wealth. They just can’t even comprehend… In talking retirement very recently with two very different ones. The first advised me to sell my house (as if I could afford one here), store my stuff (pay rent on that Herb), then buy or rent a place in my new location AND then after a month or a year do the same somewhere else, and another place and another. I told him that was a great idea until the money runs out. “How would that happen?” he asked, having no concept of the lack of money.
    The second guy — cautioned me against small towns or less expensive areas because they’re mostly 3 BR houses, “which are ridiculously small,” and that the “people are jealous of what you’ve earned,” and the lack of 5 star restaurants. I told him that if UPS could get there I was fine.
    Sorry… Stepping down from my Julia Sugarbaker soapbox now…

    Try not to labor too hard. Enjoy Labor Day. Hugs.

    1. Let me see. The only place to live is on the Maryland shore in an 8000 square foot house. I get it. Hugs Teagan.

      1. Good idea Luanne.
        John, you know I can’t help myself, and just have to mess with them. So you should see the horror that crosses their faces when I let them know that I *rent*… They probably check for cooties after I walk away. And yes — what you said is about right. What Marie Ann said is spot-on to.

      2. At least you don’t have to live with them.

      3. Oops — I meant good idea Marie Ann… Too many thoughts, not enough brain cells…

    2. I can’t help but chime in on your comment, Teagan. I’m hoping to retire from my current job in a few years but that will require us to live very modestly from now until then (and beyond). It grates on me how some people I work with have figured out ways to “game” our retirement system so they not only get their 35-year pension but also come back to work and get a salary on top of their pension. In some cases I understand (health insurance premiums are pretty darn expensive if you’re not yet eligible for Medicare) but, for too many people, it’s so they can maintain their “lifestyle.” These are people who were making big bucks to begin with. I just turn a deaf ear to them (easy to do since my hearing is impaired) and check my countdown calendar 😉

  8. Great advise, John! Some of the reasons people set up Go Fund Me accounts are pathetic. As for the meme…LOL! Good one! Enjoy your Labor Day!

    1. The Go Fund Me things that I have seen makes barfing a real potential. Thanks, Jill

  9. Gwen Plano · · Reply

    The video clips of the destruction from Hurricane Harvey are horrifying, but the resiliency of the people is stunning. Your list captures some of that strength and determination – and adds levity. Fingers crossed that you’ll be home soon. 🙂

    1. Thank you, Gwen. When you see the Texas flag flying over a pile of rubble it brings tears. That flag was put there to demonstrate the will to recover by the owner.

  10. Looks like So. Fla. maybe next on Mother Nature’s list – I’ll heed Mitt’s advice… ha – my second home is the shelter!

    1. There you go. Do not ride it out. Very much not worth it. Let’s hope Irma goes somewhere else.

      1. That would be so sweet of her!!

      2. Wouldn’t it though?

  11. Very good list, John. The refrigerator might need to be higher in the list. Been there, smelled that. I hope you can claw your way through the red tape.

    1. We actually have had the adjuster out and are now waiting for the results.

      1. I’m guessing he didn’t look in the fridge 🙂

        I hope the results are favorable to you. It sounds like a lot of work lies ahead. Hopefully this is a once in your Gulftime storm.

      2. I hope so as well, Dan. Thank you. The adjustor was saved since the boxes were cleaned out.

      3. Ah, you read your own rules. Or, you worry about Tiny.

      4. Tiny is a big worry.

  12. Wow, every item on your list has surely been (or is being) experienced by someone. While we didn’t have to evacuate for Hurricane Hermine last year, so many people were out of power for weeks and many of them couldn’t even get out of their neighborhood because of all the downed trees. Or the downed tree was down on their house 😬. I’ve contributed to Go Fund me campaigns but only for people I know personally. But, I agree, so many of those campaigns make me cringe.
    You’re a smart man, John. The paperwork will be a pain in the butt but obviously you’re already working on it. I’m just so glad you and your family are safe and sound ❤️

    1. Thank you, Marie. We are safe for sure. all the paperwork is done.

      1. You, sir, are amazing 🙂

      2. Aw. Thanks. Just your average Type A

  13. Sad but true, John. You have all of my best wishes.

  14. Good advice from one who has been through it …. and can keep a sense of humor about it.

    1. When it comes down to it, sometimes humor is the only sustaining factor.

  15. D.L Finn, Author · · Reply

    An amusing way to shed light on the truth
    Hope all goes well now for you – and loved the meme.

  16. Maybe this should become a Federal brochure somewhere.

    1. Yes. Air dropped right after the hurricane.

      1. Perfect government efficiency.

  17. Great list John.. and to see your sense of humour is undiminished. I would think you will need in spades before you are done… xx

    1. When I’m done I think a spade would be a relief. 😀

  18. The best list! I’m glad you haven’t lost your sense of humor, John. Thinking of you and all those in the path of destruction.

    1. Thank you, Michelle.

  19. Like Jill, I’ve seen some pretty pathetic Go Fund Me accts also.

    1. I know right? Makes me want to…well you get the idea.

  20. What a brave hero you are, dear John! So much humour being in so horrible situation. I wish you to return back safe & to fix all the things as soon as it’s possible. Hm…a hurricane is a big deal….

    1. Thank you, Maria.

  21. Quite a list, John. I wish you and your family well during your trials to get life back to order. Nice to see you still have a great sense of humor through all this. Take care, Texas! ❤️

    1. Thank you, Janice. 🙂

  22. Such a great list, John, and so pleased to see that your humour is just as good now as it was before Harvey arrived. I’ve seen #5 happen when I last visited a student flat where my niece was staying. I declined the invite to stay for afternoon tea.
    I hope you’ll be able to move back home very soon.

    1. Thanks Hugh. I am there now. Just got the electricity up and running.

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