Top Ten Things Not to Do on a Golf Cart

Golf Cart

 

The golf cart is a primary transportation device here in Port Aransas. The inspiration for this post is watching countless tourists rent a golf cart and then exhibit some unusual behavior which would never be seen otherwise. I hope you enjoy it. Oh and another thing, I am innocent of any of these practices.

10 If you are on a golf cart, do not think the safety belts are there as a bit of humor. If you do, at best you’ll get a $150.00 ticket. At worst, you will find yourself outside the cart at the first bump. (You didn’t think nineteen miles per hour could cause you to pitch out onto the street right, Chadwick?)

9 If you are on a golf cart, do not expect Tiny the WWF champ who has just left his weight training class to yield to you. If you do, at best you will miss each other in the middle of the street. At worst, Tiny will stop your cart and then show you how he can press the hardware and you. (Watch that trip down when Tiny drops the whole mess on the street, Chalmar.)

8 If you are on a golf cart, do not think you can ignore the traffic rules. If you do, at best you’ll get a warning. At worst, you and the cart will be under arrest. (You gotta envy the fact that the cart gets to stay outside the jail don’t you, Chas?)

7 If you are on a golf cart, do not try a turn at full speed. If you do, at best you may blow a tire. At worst, as you take the curve on two wheels all your belongings and half your family will be dumped on the street. (You will have a tough time explaining your maneuver to those in the emergency room, Chauncy.)

6 If you are on a golf cart, do not think you can go twenty miles an hour under the speed limit on the main road. If you do, at best you’ll realize soon you need to get off. At worst, an irate driver will help you along with little concern for your welfare. (You didn’t know a golf cart being pushed by an eighteen wheeler could go that fast did you, Chetwin? Also, you didn’t have that white hair before did you?)

5 If you are on a golf cart, do not think you can carry more people than the number of places to sit. If you do, at best the golf cart won’t have enough power to move. At worst, you will lose a couple of the standing room only passengers on the first turn. (You say one of those thrown into a cactus patch was your boss, Clemens?)

4 If you are on a golf cart, do not think you have the right of way because you are smaller. If you do, at best you’ll just get an air horn warning. At worst, you will be trying to return a flattened golf cart. (The proprietor doesn’t have much of a sense of humor does he, Clovis?)

3 If you are on a golf cart, do not think the police will ignore drinking and driving. If you do, at best your friends won’t let you drive. At worst, you’ll try to explain to the officer why you think a golf cart is just a toy. (Looks like the punishment is the same as a car, Cowen. Hope you have a spare $15,000.)

2 If you are on a golf cart, do not think you have to wave to everyone you pass. If you do, at best you’ll be taken as an idiot. At worst, people will think you are a politician and will chase you off the beach. (Oh, you are running for office, Creighton. I would move off the beach fast.)

1 If you are on a golf cart, do not think you have to display a number of flags. If you do, at best folks will think you work for the circus. At worst, all that flapping in the wind will slow you down and make you lose your hearing. (You think that “It’s five o’clock somewhere” flag is unique don’t you, Cydney?)

71 comments

  1. Living on a golf course, I’ve witnessed a few of these. 🙂 Great list, John! Happy Monday!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Happy Monday….could be an oxymoron, but happy Monday, Jill. 😀

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Gwen Plano · ·

    This is so hilarious, John. I have very limited experience with a golf cart, but I’ve seen a few mishaps. Thanks for the morning laughter. 😀

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks for the kind words, Gwen. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Seems like a smart list. Never understood seeing these and riding mowers on highways though.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I know right. Seems pretty dangerous. Here it is against the law. Thanks, Charles

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I really only saw it in Florida. Think everything is legal there.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. LOL – that cheered me up this morning! 😀 Thanks, John 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m so glad it did.

      Like

  5. Ha-ha!! 😂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks, Jennie.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome, John.

        Like

  6. Responsible people riding golf carts in our neighborhood (where it’s actually against the law) doesn’t bother me so much – but seeing kids driving one recklessly with another hanging on the roof? Yeah – that bothers me.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Me too. It is illegal for kids to operated a Golf Cart here.

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  7. I am sure you’ve seen ALL of these there at Port A. 🙂 Great list.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have. Thanks, Jan

      Like

  8. I’ve never (yet) rented a golf cart in Port A, John, but thanks for the advice! 😀 Will come in handy if I ever do.
    Have a great week,
    Pit

    Liked by 1 person

    1. At $100.00 a day I don’t think I would either.

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      1. WOW! I didn’t know they are THAT expensive! Thanks for warning me. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  9. The #1 thing TODO with a golf cart: Add horsepower. Why would anyone ride a vehicle with less than 200 hp? Don’t make no sense at all.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. And slick daddy’s

      Like

  10. I wonder if the hospitals detail them individually or if they just code them as a ‘GCI’ – Up here, we tend to only see these on golf courses. Canyou get them with chains or studded snow tires?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You can get them outfitted any way you want. Mine has a lifted suspension, super sized tires, custom wheels, and sport body. The lift and tires are for the sand. I even saw someone from up North with a zip around cab. (as if it was going to snow)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hmmm, maybe Santa… – No, unless it comes with a plow, I don’t think my wife would agree to it.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You can get a snow blower on the front.

        Liked by 1 person

  11. I’ll bet you’ve seen some dillies over the years, John!

    Liked by 2 people

  12. D.L Finn, Author · ·

    Great advice for golf cart drivers:) It brought back some memories of riding around in a golf cart with my grandma…although there was this hill we couldn’t climb I had fun.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m so glad there is a memory in there for you. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Funny, funny, John…back in the day, I was guilty of some of your infractions – No Fines, though!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I can just see you doing a two wheeler.

      Like

      1. I did take my spills! (Too much ‘Willit’ or some ‘rot gut’, perhaps! LOL

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Had to be rot gut. 😀

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  14. Make me wonder what a high speed pursuit looks like in your home town.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ha ha ha. At about 30 MPH high speed needs to be in quotes.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I have visions of an old cherry cola commercial. Banjos in the background, big crash, etc.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Maybe I’m getting old, but here you go. https://youtu.be/N5jV0dIU5j0

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Loved it. Shasta has the orange range too. https://youtu.be/qzaUOflpEn0

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Awesome. i don’t remember that one.

        Liked by 2 people

      5. Tell that to my sciatica.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Hey Sciatica. He’s too young for you. Go get an older guy.;

        Liked by 1 person

      7. I think it’s working. Or it could be the Tom & Jerry’s.

        Liked by 1 person

  15. I need to get one of those T-shirts for Domer!! Golf is one of his favorite pastimes, so while he doesn’t do the golf-cart-on-a-street thing, he has certainly observed some of your “Don’t Do” things on the course. Drinking and driving, overloading cart with people … yep. Good times!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Debbie. He wouldn’t be a Domer unless he buried the rules.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Once in a while anyway!

        Liked by 2 people

  16. Bellmen at the first hotel I worked at on Clifton Hill in the Falls used golf carts to get around and lead guests to their outdoor access rooms certain wings, hence number eleven:
    “If you are on a golf cart, do not go through the Burger King drive-thru, especially when you’re ferrying several drunken sorority sisters around…”

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You have to tell the story.

      Like

  17. Whenever I am in Port A i watch out for golf carts! I always worry about the kids too and hope they are buckled in!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Me too and I live here. Thanks, Jo

      Like

  18. Ah, now I have never driven or been on a golf cart, John, but I will bear this in mind in case I ever do. I have walked the course a few times though.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Please do. It’s for your safety after all. 😀

      Like

  19. Reblogged this on Author Don Massenzio and commented:
    Check out another great top ten list from John Howell on things not to do when you’re on a golf cart from this post on his blog.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for the reblog, Don.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome.

        Liked by 2 people

  20. I just wrote a three paragraph comment (for real) and then it disappeared when I posted it. The comment was to the point. It had bit of humor and you would have been so floored by my compliments. Alas, it was not meant to be. Maybe next time.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. AW. What a shame. Like any writer I could stand a few compliments especially those that put me on the floor. I’ll have to let a couple of margaritas do the work today. Thank you for the effort.

      Like

  21. I like the way your look focuses on off-the-course use for carts. I think this CBS report from the past fits. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQvom4x5MD0

    Another ugly game for the NFL. Congrats to the Steelers.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes. It was ugly. Fines to come. Loved the video. My cart is a sport model with a lifted suspension and larger tires.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. A Thursday story could involve pics with the dogs and the cart.

        Two 1-game suspensions today.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. I’m goi g to mark that for a future one. By the way, Bailey hates the cart. No A/C

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Glad I provided an idea … Bailey’s picky nature can work into the story.

        Liked by 2 people

      4. Of course it is raining and 49 degrees so the story will be a while.

        Liked by 1 person

  22. If I met Tiny in a golf cart I’d treat the situation like an ambulance or fire truck. I’d stop my cart and pull to the curb. I didn’t know you could be a hot rodder in a golf cart. That leaves an indelible mind picture similar to the Keystone Cops. Good don’t list, John. 😀 — Suzanne

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Suzanne. I’m with you on Tiny.

      Like

  23. Reblogged this on Musings on Life & Experience and commented:
    John’s list of ten things not to do on a golf cart.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Suzanne.

      Like

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