Top Ten Things Not to Do on a Golf Cart

~ John W. Howell

Golf Cart

 

The golf cart is a primary transportation device here in Port Aransas. The inspiration for this post is watching countless tourists rent a golf cart and then exhibit some unusual behavior which would never be seen otherwise. I hope you enjoy it. Oh and another thing, I am innocent of any of these practices.

10 If you are on a golf cart, do not think the safety belts are there as a bit of humor. If you do, at best you’ll get a $150.00 ticket. At worst, you will find yourself outside the cart at the first bump. (You didn’t think nineteen miles per hour could cause you to pitch out onto the street right, Chadwick?)

9 If you are on a golf cart, do not expect Tiny the WWF champ who has just left his weight training class to yield to you. If you do, at best you will miss each other in the middle of the street. At worst, Tiny will stop your cart and then show you how he can press the hardware and you. (Watch that trip down when Tiny drops the whole mess on the street, Chalmar.)

8 If you are on a golf cart, do not think you can ignore the traffic rules. If you do, at best you’ll get a warning. At worst, you and the cart will be under arrest. (You gotta envy the fact that the cart gets to stay outside the jail don’t you, Chas?)

7 If you are on a golf cart, do not try a turn at full speed. If you do, at best you may blow a tire. At worst, as you take the curve on two wheels all your belongings and half your family will be dumped on the street. (You will have a tough time explaining your maneuver to those in the emergency room, Chauncy.)

6 If you are on a golf cart, do not think you can go twenty miles an hour under the speed limit on the main road. If you do, at best you’ll realize soon you need to get off. At worst, an irate driver will help you along with little concern for your welfare. (You didn’t know a golf cart being pushed by an eighteen wheeler could go that fast did you, Chetwin? Also, you didn’t have that white hair before did you?)

5 If you are on a golf cart, do not think you can carry more people than the number of places to sit. If you do, at best the golf cart won’t have enough power to move. At worst, you will lose a couple of the standing room only passengers on the first turn. (You say one of those thrown into a cactus patch was your boss, Clemens?)

4 If you are on a golf cart, do not think you have the right of way because you are smaller. If you do, at best you’ll just get an air horn warning. At worst, you will be trying to return a flattened golf cart. (The proprietor doesn’t have much of a sense of humor does he, Clovis?)

3 If you are on a golf cart, do not think the police will ignore drinking and driving. If you do, at best your friends won’t let you drive. At worst, you’ll try to explain to the officer why you think a golf cart is just a toy. (Looks like the punishment is the same as a car, Cowen. Hope you have a spare $15,000.)

2 If you are on a golf cart, do not think you have to wave to everyone you pass. If you do, at best you’ll be taken as an idiot. At worst, people will think you are a politician and will chase you off the beach. (Oh, you are running for office, Creighton. I would move off the beach fast.)

1 If you are on a golf cart, do not think you have to display a number of flags. If you do, at best folks will think you work for the circus. At worst, all that flapping in the wind will slow you down and make you lose your hearing. (You think that “It’s five o’clock somewhere” flag is unique don’t you, Cydney?)

71 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do on a Golf Cart”

  2. This is so hilarious, John. I have very limited experience with a golf cart, but I’ve seen a few mishaps. Thanks for the morning laughter. 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Responsible people riding golf carts in our neighborhood (where it’s actually against the law) doesn’t bother me so much – but seeing kids driving one recklessly with another hanging on the roof? Yeah – that bothers me.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. I wonder if the hospitals detail them individually or if they just code them as a ‘GCI’ – Up here, we tend to only see these on golf courses. Canyou get them with chains or studded snow tires?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You can get them outfitted any way you want. Mine has a lifted suspension, super sized tires, custom wheels, and sport body. The lift and tires are for the sand. I even saw someone from up North with a zip around cab. (as if it was going to snow)

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Great advice for golf cart drivers:) It brought back some memories of riding around in a golf cart with my grandma…although there was this hill we couldn’t climb I had fun.

    Liked by 2 people

  15. I need to get one of those T-shirts for Domer!! Golf is one of his favorite pastimes, so while he doesn’t do the golf-cart-on-a-street thing, he has certainly observed some of your “Don’t Do” things on the course. Drinking and driving, overloading cart with people … yep. Good times!

    Liked by 2 people

  16. Bellmen at the first hotel I worked at on Clifton Hill in the Falls used golf carts to get around and lead guests to their outdoor access rooms certain wings, hence number eleven:
    “If you are on a golf cart, do not go through the Burger King drive-thru, especially when you’re ferrying several drunken sorority sisters around…”

    Liked by 2 people

  20. I just wrote a three paragraph comment (for real) and then it disappeared when I posted it. The comment was to the point. It had bit of humor and you would have been so floored by my compliments. Alas, it was not meant to be. Maybe next time.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. AW. What a shame. Like any writer I could stand a few compliments especially those that put me on the floor. I’ll have to let a couple of margaritas do the work today. Thank you for the effort.

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  22. If I met Tiny in a golf cart I’d treat the situation like an ambulance or fire truck. I’d stop my cart and pull to the curb. I didn’t know you could be a hot rodder in a golf cart. That leaves an indelible mind picture similar to the Keystone Cops. Good don’t list, John. 😀 — Suzanne

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