Top Ten Things Not to Do In the Snow in South Texas

Snow in the South

 

The inspiration for this list was a one-inch snowfall on our tropical island in South Texas.  The last snow was in 2004 and before that in the 1900’s. As you can imagine residents of this island had no idea what to do with snow. This list is too late for them but may be handy in another ten years.

10 If you live in the South and it snows, do not think you can drive to the store. If you do, at best you may find yourself in a ditch. At worst, your erratic driving may cause a pile up on the beach road which won’t clear till spring. (Twenty miles an hour was a bit too fast for conditions huh, Cyrek?)

9. If you live in the South and it snows, do not throw snowballs at strangers. If you do, at best you’ll hit one, and they will laugh. At worst, you will hit Tiny the WWF champ right after he left his respect support group meeting. (Looks like Tiny took the snowball in the face as a sign of disrespect. I think you should begin running now, Cyril.)

8 If you live in the South and it snows, do not think you can wear flip-flops as usual. If you do, at best your feet will turn blue. At worst, you will find your condition being discussed by a group of interns at the local ER. (Do the words frostbite and amputation bother you, Cyrano?)

7 If you live in the South and it snows, do not think the rest of the world wants to hear about it. If you do, at best you’ll get a lot of disconnects. At worst, you’ll be describing the beauty and unusual snow to your cousin in Fargo, North Dakota who hasn’t been out of the house for six weeks due to the snow. (Wonder why he’s calling you all those names? It’s cabin fever, Cyan.)

6 If you live in the South and it snows, do not think you have to rush to the store to clean the shelves of bread, milk, water, and bathroom tissue. If you do, at best you’ll get the moniker of the village idiot. At worst, you will be just checking out when you notice the snow has all melted making your hour trip to the store and your massive horde unnecessary. (Did you check the weather report, Crespin? Why are those people pointing and laughing?)

5 If you live in the South and it snows, do not demand your 7:00 am tee time. If you do, at best the pro will not let you play. At worst, you’ll set the course record for the most lost balls and highest score. (White on white is a difficult thing to see. Right, Courtney. When you do see em frozen shots don’t go that far do they?)

4 If you are in the south and it snows, do not continue with your plans for a beach party. If you do, at best everyone will stay home. At worst, those that do come will end up not at the beach but in your house. (Ever try to roast hot dogs and do smores in the fireplace, Corwin?)

3 If you are in the South and it snows, do not think you can drive without cleaning your windshield and rear window glass. If you do, at best the snow might blow off. At worst, you won’t be able to see well and might hit someone. (The policeman you ran into is lecturing you loudly how dangerous it is to drive without being able to see while he is writing the ticket. He is about finished, Conell.)

2 If you are in the south and it snows, do not think you have to plan a dinner like you are living in the Antarctic. If you do, at best the snow will leave before you start cooking. At worst, you’ll serve the Hoosh, Pemmican, Sledging biscuits, Marmite and hot coffee meal as the temperature reaches seventy degrees. (Never saw folks sweat so much while they ate did you, Cnute?)

1 If you are in the South and it snows, Do not think you can wait to make a snowperson. If you do, at best there will be a little snow left to work. At worst, you and the kids will be all bundled up only to find nothing but water. (Hard to make a water person isn’t it, Clifton?)

77 comments

  1. Gwen Plano · ·

    This is one of your best “top tens.” Loved it, and with several points, I’ve been there done that. LOL. Many decades ago when I moved to Indiana from CA to attend Purdue, I was entranced by snow then learned (the hard way) that snow was cold. 😀 Hope you are back to your enviable 70-degree weather.

    1. Yes, we are into the 70s as a high. I can imagine the shock of Indiana vs California. I went the other way. Indiana to California. Thank you for the comment.

  2. What a great top ten list, John!! 🙂 🙂
    If you still don’t know what to do with the remaining snow, please ship it to Norway, no snow in Fredrikstad right now.

    1. I’m sorry but it is all gone. 73 degrees F today.

      1. What a pity.😞

  3. These were great, John! No throwing snowballs at strangers…oh man, you’re no fun!☃️☃️☃️☃️

    1. Ha ha ha. Thanks, Jill.

  4. I think #7 should be allowed. If people can post ad nauseum about what they’re eating then people in the South can go on about unexpected snow. 😛 I want to be surprised about people wearing flip-flops in the snow, but I remember some people in college that would go barefeet in a blizzard.

    1. Bare feet? Yikes. I can’t imagine. Thanks, Charles

      1. College is always a strange place.

  5. These are great, John. Snow in the South is something Northerners seldom think about. The South is where we head when we want to escape the cold. No point in driving to the store, the shelves will be empty when you get there – you should have planned ahead. No flip-flops! If I lived in the South that’s all I would own.

    1. Thanks, Michelle. I still don’t understand the story thing. Have a great day. 🙂

  6. Love these. I once moved from Buffalo, NY area to South Carolina. Talk about contrasts !! My favorite image…flip flops in snow.

    1. Thanks, Van. That must have been a welcome adjustment. I remember big snows in Buffalo. 😀

  7. Great list John. I spent one winter in Athens Georgia. We had snow one time and a few of these rules were broken, mostly by students from Florida.

    1. I can imagine that.

  8. #6 is the worst! Even when we’ve had flurries with no chance of anything sticking, the shelves are cleared like it’s a zombie apocalypse. Really, people?

    1. I know right? Who eats all that bread anyway? Thanks, Teri.

  9. Having lived in the South almost all of my life, I relate to a lot of these – especially the driving one. 🙂

    1. I’ll bet you can. Thanks, Jan

  10. #7 should be allowed. It’s a novelty to those of us who live with the white stuff on a regular basis to be entertained by those of you who rarely see it, LOL. Fun Top Ten!

    1. I liked your perspective. Thanks, Mae.

  11. Great list, John! I wish we got snow where I live, although I wouldn’t want to drive in it … only because people drive crazy around here even under dry conditions 😉

    1. I can just imagine. Thanks, Marie.

  12. Well, I can also tell you the top thing not to do when there’s snow in Bonn: go out in your car if there’s just one single snowflake to be seen – Bonn’s drivers go crazy and there will be utter traffic chaos! 😀 I speak with the experience of the only sane driver about on the roads then! 😀
    Have a great week,
    Pit

    1. Thanks Pit. I just can’t imagine drivers in Germany going crazy. Thanks for the description

      1. Well, Bonn drivers are different. 😀 Maybe a special brand of Germans?! 😀

  13. Reblogged this on Jan Hawke INKorporated and commented:
    Well – John’s tropical island home has something in common with North Cornwall… If you live near the sea and don’t live on high ground, make the most of the snow while you’ve got it – and stay safe and warm, as snow is much better enjoyed inside with something hot and sweet to sip one! 😉

    1. Thank you so much for the reblog, Jan. Lovely intro too.

  14. A very timely list, John. All we’ve seen of the white stuff so far is a few flurries that didn’t bother sticking. That’s fine with me. Sure, I’d welcome a white Christmas, but nobody wants to brave six feet of snow to line up and return presents or take down outside decorations.

    1. That is for sure. Maybe global warming will be your friend.

  15. John, if it gets too rough down there, you are welcome to come up to Minnesota where it is warm (28F) and dry. 🙂

    1. I think I’ll stay put, thank you. 😀

  16. Great advice, John. Of course us Yankees know all this from years of trial and error.:)

  17. D.L Finn, Author · ·

    Your list made me laugh-as i wonder where our snow went with our 60 degree plus temperatures ) Very true you shouldn’t wait to make a snowperson and always pick your snowball victim carefully. Beautiful picture.

    1. Thank you, DL It was fun for a while.

  18. Addition to #3:
    3a: If you are in the South and it snows, do not think cleaning your windshield is enough. If you do, at best you might wonder why it suddenly went dark inside the car when you braked and the snow from the roof slid forward. At worst, you might panic, hit the brakes even harder, and “help” the next 2 or 3 cars behind you to come to a stop, too. Nice crunching sound, isn’t it, Dottie?

    1. ha ha ha. Super, Pit. I like this one a lot.

  19. I admit to having cooked in the fireplace. Not only hot dogs, but anything that can go in a Dutch oven. Kabobs, and even steak on a stick.

    1. I have as well. Was fun.

  20. These hit very close to home, John! We stayed in as we knew people (us included!) would not know how to drive in snow covered streets and we had plenty of wine and rum. I am enjoying the warmer temps and sunshine today as I am sure you are. As for #7, I think everyone enjoyed your snow photos from the beach no matter where they lived.

    1. Thank you, Jo. I appreciate your nice words. 😀

  21. Reminder … if you live in the south, don’t eat yellow snow.

    We were on the Alabama coast about 6 or so years ago when a front came through delivering the white stuff not too far inland. Being from the north, it was fun watching the reactions.

    1. I’m sure. It’s like we love to watch Northerners in their shorts when the temp hits 50 degrees. For us that is darn cold

      1. LOL … I can relate.

  22. LOL. I guess it was a shock to the system for most folks. I wouldn’t hate snow nearly as much if it came and went in a single day. Thanks for the chuckles, John. Hugs.

    1. Yes. One can make friends with snow knowing it will not be staying for lunch. Thanks, Teagan

  23. White Christmas for Port A. this year, John? Great list!

    1. Ha ha ha. I hope not.

      1. Aw c’mon, you know you’d LOVE it!! Don’t forget to put your winter tires on the golf cart and your bike!!

      2. Chains on and off in twenty minutes.

  24. This sounds just like snow in South Africa, John. It melts before you even get out of the house.

    1. Ha ha ha. I like that image. Thanks, Robbie.

  25. I love this one, John!

    1. Thank you, Jennie.

      1. You’re welcome.

  26. Great list, John, and flip flops in the snow made me smile. Some changes would be necessary, unless one is set on the color blue. 🙂

    1. Ha ha ha. Thanks, Lauren

  27. Terrific John.. the children must have loved waking up to see the snow back in 2004… once in a lifetime for most of them.. hugs x

    1. They were still talking about it until this one. Thanks, Sally.

  28. We had snow last week, unusual for London, my parents drove home on icy snow filled roads they said Southerns don’t grit the roads as well as they do up North 😀

    1. Gritty roads are a must.

  29. Ah, ha, ha! I love it! These could apply to Floridians too (if we ever get snow). 😉

    1. For sure. It was built for us Southerners.

  30. So glad it snowed in your part of the world and it produced this hilarious list, John. No more snowball fights for me if Tiny is around. Hope the weather warmed up for you over the Christmas holidays. ☃️

    1. Went into the 80’s and then drizzle and 50’s. Reminds me of London for some reason. Happy New Year, Hugh.

      1. Don’t forget the fog, John. 😀
        Happy New Year to you. ✨

      2. Ah yes. The fog. Thank you , Hugh

  31. Lol these are some good, interesting tidbits.

    1. Thank you. I hope you don’t have to use them.

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