10 If you are making a top ten things not to do list, do not search the internet for top ten ideas. If you do, at best your creativity will be stilted. At worst you’ll start duplicating others work without knowing it. (Looks like that plagiarism charge is going to stick, Elder. There goes the old writing career.)
9 If you are making a top ten things not to do list, do not ask Tiny the WWF champ to preview the ridiculous stuff you wrote about him. If you do, at best Tiny left his reading glasses at home. At worst, Tiny just left his self-esteem support group and is now taking everything you wrote literally. (I wouldn’t worry about getting your shredded paper back, Elia. I think I would begin to make book for the door.)
8 If you are making a top the things not to do list, do not check with a loved one to see if it is funny. If you do, at best you’ll be disappointed with the response. At worst, you’ll get a reminder about how beautiful it would be if you had a real job. (You can’t expect everyone to like your stuff, Ellery. Keep looking maybe you’ll find one person who does.)
7 If you are making a top ten things not to do list, do not stare at people who will eventually end up being on the list. If you do, at best one may ask you, “Are you looking at me?” At worst, you might be taken for a stalker and have to explain yourself. (As you can see the police have no interest in your list making career, Elson. They just want you to come quietly.)
6 If you are making a top ten things not to do list, do not make the subject so obscure no one will get it. If you do, at best your readership may drop. At worst, you will be explaining your meaning for the next ten years. (So why do you suppose nobody got the Top Ten things not to do in a Barnyard, Emery? I thought it was fascinating.)
5 If you are making a Top ten things not to do list, do not make a list so familiar that everyone will think you did these things. If you do, at best you’ll look like a fool. At worst, the FBI opens a file about you, and you get this strange feeling you are being followed. (Don’t look now, Emilin but there is a black SUV at the end of your block.)
4 If you are making a top ten things not to do list, do not think the subjects will come to you if you drink more. If you do, at best you can run one you published before. At worst, you will actually hit publish without waiting until the morning after to proofread the work. ( You know those seven words George Carlin said can’t be used on the radio? Well, Emrys you used each one in your post. They aren’t allowed there either.)
3 If you are making a top ten things not to do list, do not think you have to be practical. If you do, at best your work will be as dry as unbuttered rye toast. At worst, you’ll get mail from folks more practical than you telling you how your list is impractical. ( just shows to go ya, Endymion, you can’t please all the people all the time. Gotta stick with fiction.)
2 If you are making a top ten things not to do list, do not stop until you have ten things. If you do, at best you’ll look like you had a bad night. At worst, folks will be looking for the tenth item and will assume you are holding out on them. (Okay so it is not such a big deal, Enrico but some of your regulars are talking boycott. Who advertises ten and then publishes only nine? Crazy people that’s who.)
1 If you are making a top ten things not to do list, do not think you will be discovered some day. If you do, at best you’ll still work in the dark. At worst, you will create a false expectation that your lists are the key to fame. ( Looks like another day has passed without that million seller, Ericson. Looks like you need to make another list.)
Lol great line – do not stop until you have ten things
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Ray. I have wanted to stop at nine many times. 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
haha lol 😂
LikeLiked by 1 person
😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’ve wondered about that black SUV… 😀 Thanks for another morning of chuckles, John. Have a great day.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Gwen. Have a super day as well.
LikeLike
I don’t know how you come up with these each week, John. Well done! Happy Monday!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Jill. I sometimes wonder myself.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think you just convinced me of one thing, John… NEVER made a top ten things list!!
(Maybe i should list that 10 times?)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha ha ha. My job is done here. Thanks, GP
LikeLiked by 1 person
Another entertaining list, good sir. Thank you very much!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, John
LikeLike
#8 can go for anything an indie author does. 🙂 Love the Simpsons picture.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Charles.
LikeLike
WordPress needs a love button. This was amazing!
LikeLike
Thank you, Aubrey. So nice to have you visit. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sounds familiar.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Tell me. 😀
LikeLike
Your title drew me in. Funny and smart!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Bryan. I appreciate the comment and visit. 😀
LikeLike
Another dandy list, John — I’ll keep watching for that black SUV!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes do so. Those suckers can sneak up on you. Thanks, Debbie.
LikeLike
I will leave the top ten list to you experts! Another great one:)
LikeLiked by 1 person
*looks around. Where are the experts?
LikeLike
Wait . . what? Tiny is in a self esteem support group? To be a fly on THAT wall . . .
And I miss George Carlin . . .
LikeLiked by 1 person
George was terrific for sure. Yes Tiny has several support groups. His favorite is the anger management group.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can see that . .
LikeLiked by 1 person
😀 Don’t forget the psycotrophic drugs
LikeLike
Check!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ah, yes. That illusive million seller! 🙂 Great list, John.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Jan
LikeLike
Don’t stare at the people who are going to be on your list. Bravo John. lol
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Andrew.
LikeLiked by 1 person
#7, #4, #2 had me laughing pretty hard, John. Thanks!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Always a good thing unless you have a sip of coffee in your mouth at the time. Thanks, Jennie.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha! And that happens to me when I read your Top Ten. 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
At lease your key board gets a cleaning every once in a while.
LikeLiked by 1 person
See, there’s a bright side to every laughing blunder. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sorry to be a day late and a dollar short, John. I need the 10 things not to do when you’re trying to make it appear you’re not as busy as you really are.
Great list. Number 2 hits home for me. I once proposed a presentation at a conference around “10 things to create robust communication on a modest budget” I proposed in September and was accepted for the conference in March. By the end of February, when the slides were due, I still only had 9 things 😦
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha ha ha. You felt my pain that time. Of course I face the issue each week. Thanks for the story, Dan.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This one really made me laugh. Now I’m wondering — have you ever done a “Top Ten Things To Do” for people who are trying to get caught up online? If you have, I need to read that!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can do the opposite.” Ten Things Not to Do If You have Fallen behind on Social Media.”
😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Always so entertaining and clever, John! You have a knack! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Lauren. Quite a compliment.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha, John, I will try not to do any of these things.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Stay away from top ten thngs not to do lists, Robbie.
LikeLike