Top Ten Things Not to Do If You Have Fallen Behind on Social Media

 

 

The inspiration for this list came from Linda Leinen who is the author of the terrific blog Task at Hand. 

We were commenting on one of my Top Ten posts, and she wondered, “have you ever done a Top Ten Things To Do for people who are trying to get caught up online?” I indicated that I could do the reciprocal of that thought and here it is today. Thanks, Linda for the question.

Linda has had amazing experiences, and a visit to her blog will be rewarding.

Here is the list. (Anyone who might think this list is serious please be advised, it is a broad satire statement regarding our phobic belief that social media is indispensable)

10 If you have fallen behind on social media, do not make up an excuse like, “I have been so busy being successful with my new bestseller, I just haven’t had time for you little people.” If you do, at best you’ll lose a few followers. At worst, you might wake up to the sound of crickets on all your social media accounts. (Where did all those followers go Ermanno?)

9 If you have fallen behind on social media, do not panic and accept a friend request from just anyone. If you do, at best you may have a long list of people you don’t know. At worst, you might accept a friend request from Tiny the WWF champ just after his online romance fell apart. (You gotta hope the one hundred direct messages from Tiny is just a fluke for today, Ervin. Heaven knows you don’t want to unfriend him.Ever.)

8 If you have fallen behind on social media, do not think by posting more you will be back sooner. If you do, at best it will just make the problem more intense. At worst, now your followers will think you are having some kind of psychological break and will hit unfollow faster than a duck on a June bug. (Never thought more is less did you, Esbjorn?)

7 If you have fallen behind on social media, do not just delete all the comments to which you are unable to respond. If you do, at best some will not notice. At worst, a large group of followers will think you passed away and will start a go fund me campaign for a memorial. (That is if you are well-liked, Eskil. More than likely there will be a host of unfollows)

6 If you have fallen behind on social media, do not check yourself into a treatment center. If you do, at best you’ll be discharged immediately as a nothing wrong here person. At worst, you’ll inadvertently make up some mental problem which will take ten weeks of group therapy before you are set free. (That will teach you to run away from your problems, Este. Now what?)

5 If you have fallen behind on social media, do not run away to a cabin in the woods. If you do, at best you’ll aggravate the bears. At worst, while you are off the grid, a new social media form will be invented and when you return you will be hopelessly behind this one as well. (Ever hear of Moore’s Law, Eumaeus. You are now in the dark ages.)

4 If you have fallen behind on social media, do not attempt to compensate by eating ice cream. If you do, at best the time spent eating gets you further back. At worst, your ice cream bill and your extra pounds go up in equal proportions. (It doesn’t help to eat ice cream while you are on a stationary bike, Eurypylus.)

3 If you have fallen behind on social media, do not call the suicide hotline. If you do, at best they will hang up. At worst, you’ll get someone who has a difficult time understanding the severe nature of your angst and will start cracking jokes about your condition. (You have to admit, Eustis. Your problem is pretty minor compared to that of other folks.)

2 If you have fallen behind on social media, do not place a 911 call for help. If you do, at best the line will be busy. At worst, the officers dispatched to your house will hand you a citation for a false emergency. (Of course, Everard there could be a minor miracle where one of the officers is behind in social media as well. If so you are saved.)

1 If you have fallen behind on social media, do not think all those busy folks who stay current with you are going to simply ignore your faux pas. If you do, at best you will experience the sound of silence. At worst, you will have to curry forgiveness by inventing an excuse that is ironclad. (The only reason that is not debatable as to its harmful interference with your social media obligations is to tell everyone you are recovering from brain surgery. Of course, Evyn you can’t fall behind again.)

57 comments

  1. harmonykent · · Reply

    Entertaining, John! Best to make sure we don’t fall behind, eh?!?!?!! 🙂

    1. FOMO keeps us slightly ahead of behind. Thanks, Harmony.

  2. Gwen Plano · · Reply

    Sometimes Life surprises us and time is not our own. Try as I may not to fall behind, I’m always behind. 😀

    1. I can identify with falling behind. I think I’m there most of the time.Thanks, Gwen

  3. if you see the word ‘social media’…panic and hide haha

  4. Linda is funny, but also very truthful!!

  5. Great list. Is there really any way to catch up on social media? Also, #4 doesn’t sound like that bad an idea, especially during the summer.

    1. I think it is a good idea. (secretly I want some)

      1. It’s going to get close to 100 degrees here. Not fun in New York.

      2. I noticed on the weather map. Those temps cause folks to get a little uneasy.

      3. Yeah. It doesn’t help that the houses here were built to retain heat. Second floor is like an oven already.

      4. Sounds like hell.

      5. I could believe that. Expecting to open a door and see flames.

      6. Feel the knob first.

      7. If it’s too hot then I can balance a cup of water on it and get some tea. 😀

      8. Talk about making the most of a bad situation. Excellent.

      9. Just wait until I tell you about the marshmallows. 🙂

      10. Might make a mess, but sure.

      11. Hard to explain a smore covered door knob. Better not.

  6. I like #4! When it comes to social media, I don’t think we’re ever ahead of the game. Happy Monday, Howard! 🙂

    1. Thank you, Jill. Howard sends his best.

  7. Or, as Grandma used to say, “The hurrieder I go, the behinder I get.” Great list, John. I’m glad to have had a hand in developing one of your clever “Top Tens”!

    1. Thank you, Linda. I thought your inspiration needed to be followed. 😀

  8. John,

    But I WANT a cabin in the woods! Okay, the only reason I hedge on going full blow ‘cabin in the woods dude’ IS because of Bears. The Revenant was a great movie, but it was also a PSA to peeps like me . .
    The only thing scarier than a grizzly is what happens to you after you unfriend Tiny . . . sheesh!

    1. Tiny is very needy for sure. The bears are what keep us in the light. Thanks, Marc.

      1. I never thought of it that way John . . but you’re right! They do keep us in the light!

      2. Thank heavans for the bears.

  9. Great list, John and this does happen. I checked Facebook the other day after a long day on the road and there were so many comments – I left them until morning – fortunately, I get up very early. Otherwise, I would click the “Mark all as red” button and hope I’m not friends with Tiny.

    1. Tiny friended you couple of weeks ago and is feeling a little confused as to why you didn’t friend him back. I’m just saying.

      1. Uh oh…I’ve been sick, I had car trouble, maybe Tiny would understand if I said I was in jail.

  10. Seems I’m never caught up on social media. Fortunately, I’m not that interesting so not many notice.

    1. Ha ha ha. good one.

  11. Hilarious, John. Brain surgery, go fund me, and never unfriending Tiny. Ever. Loved the laughs!!

    1. Thank you, Jennie. 😀

      1. You’re welcome, John!

  12. I don’t know, John – #4 and #5 sound pretty good to me.

    1. I hear you, Teri

  13. Most entertaining John. I solved the problem by never getting started.

    1. There you go. Very wise, Michael.

  14. Sigh. Those group therapy sessions would have been just fine. But Tiny insisted on us all playing charades. It didn’t end well. Thanks for another entertaining post, John.😀

    1. Tiny and charades Moooohahahahahah

  15. Thanks, Linda and John! I try to catch up but have run out of excuses. Oh, maybe the heat? Nah!

    1. The heat. That is a good one. Thanks, Jo

  16. I feel like I am always behind on social media, John. I do my best and will try not to delete everything and start over.

    1. Good for you. Keep running.

  17. Thanks for the smiles, John, and just for the record, I’m always behind. 🙂

    1. Me too, Lauren. Thanks.

  18. This speaks to me…the comic, does. Funny, not funny…sigh.
    Good one, John.

    1. I know what you mean.

  19. D.L Finn, Author · · Reply

    Good laugh as I try to catch up;)

    1. Hard to do for sure. (catch up that is)

  20. A great list! As someone who is really behind, I can almost relate to all of them. 🙂

    1. Ha ha ha. You sure don’t look like you are behind. You have us fooled.

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