The inspiration for this list came from Linda Leinen who is the author of the terrific blog Task at Hand.
We were commenting on one of my Top Ten posts, and she wondered, “have you ever done a Top Ten Things To Do for people who are trying to get caught up online?” I indicated that I could do the reciprocal of that thought and here it is today. Thanks, Linda for the question.
Linda has had amazing experiences, and a visit to her blog will be rewarding.
Here is the list. (Anyone who might think this list is serious please be advised, it is a broad satire statement regarding our phobic belief that social media is indispensable)
10 If you have fallen behind on social media, do not make up an excuse like, “I have been so busy being successful with my new bestseller, I just haven’t had time for you little people.” If you do, at best you’ll lose a few followers. At worst, you might wake up to the sound of crickets on all your social media accounts. (Where did all those followers go Ermanno?)
9 If you have fallen behind on social media, do not panic and accept a friend request from just anyone. If you do, at best you may have a long list of people you don’t know. At worst, you might accept a friend request from Tiny the WWF champ just after his online romance fell apart. (You gotta hope the one hundred direct messages from Tiny is just a fluke for today, Ervin. Heaven knows you don’t want to unfriend him.Ever.)
8 If you have fallen behind on social media, do not think by posting more you will be back sooner. If you do, at best it will just make the problem more intense. At worst, now your followers will think you are having some kind of psychological break and will hit unfollow faster than a duck on a June bug. (Never thought more is less did you, Esbjorn?)
7 If you have fallen behind on social media, do not just delete all the comments to which you are unable to respond. If you do, at best some will not notice. At worst, a large group of followers will think you passed away and will start a go fund me campaign for a memorial. (That is if you are well-liked, Eskil. More than likely there will be a host of unfollows)
6 If you have fallen behind on social media, do not check yourself into a treatment center. If you do, at best you’ll be discharged immediately as a nothing wrong here person. At worst, you’ll inadvertently make up some mental problem which will take ten weeks of group therapy before you are set free. (That will teach you to run away from your problems, Este. Now what?)
5 If you have fallen behind on social media, do not run away to a cabin in the woods. If you do, at best you’ll aggravate the bears. At worst, while you are off the grid, a new social media form will be invented and when you return you will be hopelessly behind this one as well. (Ever hear of Moore’s Law, Eumaeus. You are now in the dark ages.)
4 If you have fallen behind on social media, do not attempt to compensate by eating ice cream. If you do, at best the time spent eating gets you further back. At worst, your ice cream bill and your extra pounds go up in equal proportions. (It doesn’t help to eat ice cream while you are on a stationary bike, Eurypylus.)
3 If you have fallen behind on social media, do not call the suicide hotline. If you do, at best they will hang up. At worst, you’ll get someone who has a difficult time understanding the severe nature of your angst and will start cracking jokes about your condition. (You have to admit, Eustis. Your problem is pretty minor compared to that of other folks.)
2 If you have fallen behind on social media, do not place a 911 call for help. If you do, at best the line will be busy. At worst, the officers dispatched to your house will hand you a citation for a false emergency. (Of course, Everard there could be a minor miracle where one of the officers is behind in social media as well. If so you are saved.)
1 If you have fallen behind on social media, do not think all those busy folks who stay current with you are going to simply ignore your faux pas. If you do, at best you will experience the sound of silence. At worst, you will have to curry forgiveness by inventing an excuse that is ironclad. (The only reason that is not debatable as to its harmful interference with your social media obligations is to tell everyone you are recovering from brain surgery. Of course, Evyn you can’t fall behind again.)