Top Ten Things Not to Do Crossing the Delaware with General Washington

Washington Crossing the Delaware By George Caleb Bingham – http://www.chrysler.org/education/unit1/bingham.htm, Public Domain

This list continues with the historical backdrop for my brand of lunacy. I hope you enjoy it.

10 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not dangle your feet in the water off the back of the boat. If you do, at best they will be numb. At worst, the General will think you have lost touch with reality. (Looks like you may be sidelined for the big event, Frasco. Although you may want to avoid the battle, your pay envelope will be much thinner.)

9 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, don’t try to sit in Tiny the WWF champ’s seat next to the General. If you do, at best you might be swimming across the Delaware. At worst, Tiny who has formed a bond with General Washington may take your move as a sign of affection for the General. (Since Tiny failed the “Unrequited Love and How to Cope,” seminar he now thinks a knuckle sandwich is an answer. Just jump out, Fredek. It will be easier in the long run.)

8 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not think wearing boat shoes from L.L.Bean will impress your fellow soldiers. If you do, at best you’ll get a new nickname. At worst, a Master Sargeant will put you on report for being out of uniform. (Of course, one more on-report isn’t going to break you, Freyr. You have come to like peeling potatoes.)

7 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not start singing “row row row your boat.” If you do, at best a few might join in. At worst, the General will single you out and threaten you with the stockade if you don’t quit making noise. (Looks like Georgie thinks you might be a British spy, Fridolf. I think quiet is the better part of this equation.)

6 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not bring your fishing equipment. If you do, at best you might catch dinner. At worst, the General will ask you to keep fishing until you have caught enough to feed the Continental Army. (Holy cow, Frygies. That is a lot of fish. We’ll come back for you.)

5 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not ask if dinner at the captain’s table is a formal affair. If you do, at best no one will understand your question. At worst, you’ll be reminded that you are on a rowboat and there is no captain’s table, and someone will hand you the flag. (You know that the flag goes in the front of the charge don’t you, Fryderyk. Yeah, that’s right, up front where all those bullets and flying cannon balls are.)

4 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not let anyone know you get seasick. If you do, at best some will be sympathetic. At worst, the old salt will continually describe in minute detail the roast pork dinner he had last night. ( If you can just hang on little longer, Francis the shore is not too far away.)

3 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not begin humming and old German tune. If you do, at best you’ll keep the volume down. At worst, since you are on your way to attacking the Hessians in Trenton, the General might think you are mocking the mission. (Washington is not sure this whole thing will work, Finn so I would lay low if I were you. That water is certainly cold.)

2 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not mention that your enlistment in the army expires at midnight. If you do, at best, you’ll get a so what? At worst, someone will take your musket and shot, and you’ll be defenseless when you reach the shore. (Better offer to reenlist, Fabian. Otherwise, you are going to be pretty uncomfortable dodging shot from both sides.)

1 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not stand up in the boat and start singing “Old Man River.” If you do, at best you’ll be ordered to sit and be quiet. At worst, you will finish your song while trying to keep your head above water. (Looks like the General has just about had enough of the stand-up comedy, Floyd. Hopefully another boat will scoop you up.)

54 comments

  1. These are all reasons why time travelers need to behave. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. For sure. Thanks, Charles

      Like

  2. Gwen Plano · ·

    Hilarious, John. Your imagination never ceases to amaze me. Keep rowing, my friend. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Gwen. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  3. “The shore is not too far away.” LOL! Famous last words! Great one, John. Happy Monday!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Jill. You okay water wise?

      Like

      1. We’re good, John…thanks. The bay window is a loss, as is our storm door, but thankfully, no major water damage. The sun is trying to come out! 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

      2. I’m glad no major damage. Thanks for letting me know.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I appreciate your concern, John. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  4. You mean there is no turn down service in my cabin?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your mint is in the pilot house.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. These are hilarious!! I will be sure not to ask to eat at the Captain’s table or ask what wine the sommelier is recommending.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Do tip the cabin attendent though. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That goes without saying!

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Amazing, dear John! Poor Washington! He knew nothing of these instructions. By the way, what about Napoleon and Waterloo? 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I was thinking of Waterloo but went with Washington instead.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Looking forwards to read what Napoleon missed! It is extremely important, dear John!

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Don’t know how you come up with these, John – always a nice way to start the week.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Teri. Sometimes I don’t know either. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  8. This was a good one, John. I didn’t know Tiny had an affectionate side. Makes me want to say “awww” and then move to the back of the boat with the chorus.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ha ha ha. Tiny is always a mystery. Thanks, Dan

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Great list, John. Also keep in mind that crossing the river was supposed to be a secret, so remember to turn off Location Services on your phone – and please, no posting selfies to Facebook.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha haha. Good ones, Greg. Thank you.

      Like

  10. D.L Finn, Author · ·

    I love the musical themes of Row Row and Old Man River…lol. I will continue to lay low;)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Twee. All together now.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. John,

    I completely agree as per the L.L. Bean boat shoes, buahahaha! Besides, I always took old George and his band of revolutionaries to be more partial to Cabela’s. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think you are right. They look like Cabela types.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Right? I could see the Founding Fathers as more of the L.L. Bean set though . . .

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Especially in the Maine woods.

        Liked by 1 person

  12. Enjoyed your list, John. I’m not sure I’d have fared well on that crossing, though. All that freezing weather, plus the hunger and exhaustion of the troops, wouldn’t have been high on my Must-Do list, but I’m glad our forefathers braved it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think I would have waited for the summer.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Amazing. Can’t decide whether 6 or 7 is my favorite…haha!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Take them both. Thank you Aubrey. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Rob. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Hey! A new post is up on my site. Be sure to check it out:)

    Like

  15. And enjoyed reading this:)

    Liked by 1 person

  16. How good old George survived I’ll never know. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. And the 2400 he took with him. Thanks, Bryan.

      Liked by 1 person

  17. Ha Ha! Too funny, John!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. There seems to be a lot of singing on that boat, John. I wonder if there was a bar onboard, and who was playing the piano? Maybe, Tiny?
    Thanks for the laughs.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. yes a bar and a piano. Hamilton was doing a stand up routine too.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I can picture it right now. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

      2. One of Hamilton’s jokes. “I have no problem with Burr other than he is an idiot.”

        Liked by 1 person

  19. John! Where do I even begin to tell you how absolutely hilarious this is? “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” and the L.L. Bean boots were the best, and then along came Tiny in his seat next to Washington, and then details of the seasick pork dinner. I thought I had no laughing left in my body until “Old Man River.” My side aches. Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so glad you liked it, Jennie. Thanks for letting me know.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. My pleasure, John. 😀

        Liked by 1 person

  20. Brilliant, John. I love these historical posts.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Robbie. They are fun to do too.

      Liked by 1 person

%d bloggers like this: