Top Ten Things Not to Do Crossing the Delaware with General Washington

~ John W. Howell

Washington Crossing the Delaware By George Caleb Bingham – http://www.chrysler.org/education/unit1/bingham.htm, Public Domain

This list continues with the historical backdrop for my brand of lunacy. I hope you enjoy it.

10 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not dangle your feet in the water off the back of the boat. If you do, at best they will be numb. At worst, the General will think you have lost touch with reality. (Looks like you may be sidelined for the big event, Frasco. Although you may want to avoid the battle, your pay envelope will be much thinner.)

9 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, don’t try to sit in Tiny the WWF champ’s seat next to the General. If you do, at best you might be swimming across the Delaware. At worst, Tiny who has formed a bond with General Washington may take your move as a sign of affection for the General. (Since Tiny failed the “Unrequited Love and How to Cope,” seminar he now thinks a knuckle sandwich is an answer. Just jump out, Fredek. It will be easier in the long run.)

8 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not think wearing boat shoes from L.L.Bean will impress your fellow soldiers. If you do, at best you’ll get a new nickname. At worst, a Master Sargeant will put you on report for being out of uniform. (Of course, one more on-report isn’t going to break you, Freyr. You have come to like peeling potatoes.)

7 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not start singing “row row row your boat.” If you do, at best a few might join in. At worst, the General will single you out and threaten you with the stockade if you don’t quit making noise. (Looks like Georgie thinks you might be a British spy, Fridolf. I think quiet is the better part of this equation.)

6 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not bring your fishing equipment. If you do, at best you might catch dinner. At worst, the General will ask you to keep fishing until you have caught enough to feed the Continental Army. (Holy cow, Frygies. That is a lot of fish. We’ll come back for you.)

5 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not ask if dinner at the captain’s table is a formal affair. If you do, at best no one will understand your question. At worst, you’ll be reminded that you are on a rowboat and there is no captain’s table, and someone will hand you the flag. (You know that the flag goes in the front of the charge don’t you, Fryderyk. Yeah, that’s right, up front where all those bullets and flying cannon balls are.)

4 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not let anyone know you get seasick. If you do, at best some will be sympathetic. At worst, the old salt will continually describe in minute detail the roast pork dinner he had last night. ( If you can just hang on little longer, Francis the shore is not too far away.)

3 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not begin humming and old German tune. If you do, at best you’ll keep the volume down. At worst, since you are on your way to attacking the Hessians in Trenton, the General might think you are mocking the mission. (Washington is not sure this whole thing will work, Finn so I would lay low if I were you. That water is certainly cold.)

2 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not mention that your enlistment in the army expires at midnight. If you do, at best, you’ll get a so what? At worst, someone will take your musket and shot, and you’ll be defenseless when you reach the shore. (Better offer to reenlist, Fabian. Otherwise, you are going to be pretty uncomfortable dodging shot from both sides.)

1 If you are crossing the Delaware with General Washington, do not stand up in the boat and start singing “Old Man River.” If you do, at best you’ll be ordered to sit and be quiet. At worst, you will finish your song while trying to keep your head above water. (Looks like the General has just about had enough of the stand-up comedy, Floyd. Hopefully another boat will scoop you up.)

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Published by John W. Howell

I have been working in business for over forty years and now have the time to work in special areas of interest. My passion has always been to create compelling stories of fiction. I have authored six novels and am working on my Seventh. The first novel is still in manuscript form and being utilized as a door stop in the laundry room. The second is a contemporary fiction novel of 89,000 words and is complete and I am currently seeking a publisher. I also write poetry but have not had the guts to share any with anyone. The one time I read a piece to a person their only comment was, “it doesn’t rhyme.” I will continue to write and hopefully my blog, Fiction Favorites at www.johnwhowell.com will provide some entertainment and an interesting thought or two. I live in the Austin area with my wife Molly and an assortment of loving pets.

54 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do Crossing the Delaware with General Washington”

  9. Great list, John. Also keep in mind that crossing the river was supposed to be a secret, so remember to turn off Location Services on your phone – and please, no posting selfies to Facebook.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Enjoyed your list, John. I’m not sure I’d have fared well on that crossing, though. All that freezing weather, plus the hunger and exhaustion of the troops, wouldn’t have been high on my Must-Do list, but I’m glad our forefathers braved it!

    Liked by 1 person

  20. John! Where do I even begin to tell you how absolutely hilarious this is? “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” and the L.L. Bean boots were the best, and then along came Tiny in his seat next to Washington, and then details of the seasick pork dinner. I thought I had no laughing left in my body until “Old Man River.” My side aches. Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

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