Top Ten Things Not to Do Landing at Plymouth Rock in 1620

 

Mayflower

The Mayflower

This post is a continuation of the Top Ten Things Not to Do with a historical background. On December 11th, 1620 the pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock. If you were there here is a list to help you stay out of trouble.

Top Ten Things Not to Do Landing at Plymouth Rock in 1620

10 If you land with the Pilgrims, do not suggest a beach party once reaching land. If you do, at best no one will understand you. At worst, there will be a realization on the part of the elders that you are possessed. ( You might as well confess, Gabriele. They won’t stop the water board treatment until you do. Of course, confession may lead to an old-fashioned stake burning. Tough decision.)

9 If you land with the Pilgrims, do not try to beat Tiny the WWF champ to a long-boat. If you do, at best you’ll trip and miss your chance. At worst, you’ll find yourself in the boat sitting next to Tiny, and he doesn’t look happy. (You’ll soon learn, Gadiel that Tiny promised his mom that he would be the first into the boat and first onto land. Now that he has missed his number one promise, it looks like you are about to be tossed overboard. If so, give that anchor he gave you to hold back to Tiny before you go.)

8 If you land with the Pilgrims, do not start telling everyone about planting a fish with the corn. If you do, at best you will be laughed out-of-town. At worst, since it is December and the ground is frozen solid, you might be taken for crazy. (Of course, you meant in the spring, Gair. The guys with that ball and chain could care less.)

7 If you land with the Pilgrims, do not mention anything about a turkey dinner for Thanksgiving. If you do, at best you’ll have to go hunting. At worst, the elders will quiz you closely about the reason to be thankful. It is cold, wet, and miserable. ( Now that they mention it, Galchobhar you may have tipped your hand about time travel. This can only lead to the thought that you are a devil. That thought never gets anyone anything.)

6 If you land with the Pilgrims, do not start talking about forming a football team named the Pilgrim Patriots. If you do, at best no one ever heard of football. At worst, you will immediately be accused of rule violations and will forever curse the team to public scorn. (So there is where all this New England Patriot controversy comes from, Galterieo. Might as well label it Pilgrimgate.)

5 If you land with the Pilgrims, do not wear your “I love Pope Paul V,” sweatshirt. If you do, at best no one will notice it under your black tunic. At worst, William Brewster will catch a glimpse, and reach an apocalyptic state of the highest order. (Good thing you were able to talk your way out of that one, Galvyn. Not sure anything Catholic would be welcome here.)

4 If you land with the Pilgrims, do not make jokes about the native tribe name Wampanoags. If you do, at best the native Americans will not hear you. At worst, Massasoit, their leader will take offense. ( Now we have another fine kettle of fish, Ganesh. The pilgrims need the Indian assistance, and the leader is mad at you. Guess who will be eliminated in this standoff?)

3 If you land with the Pilgrims, do not try to convince people to dig up clams for food. If you do, at best most will simply say, “No thank you.” At worst, you will be declared a food crank and banished. (You have to remember, Garbhach the idea of digging up something in the water and then eating it is not what most people think is normal.)

2 If you land with the Pilgrims, do not insist on building a split-level ranch home with a bay view. If you do, at best you’ll have to do it alone. At worst, the leadership will put you at the bottom of the priority list. (Nice move, Gared. You’ll be in this lean-to for another year at best.)

1 If you land with the Pilgrims, do not discuss your recipe for the perfect margarita with anyone. If you do, at best someone will report you. At worst, you’ll be asked to prepare a batch, and there is no tequila or limes anywhere. (How do these stocks feel, Garred? You only have thirty days to go.)

67 comments

  1. This sounds like an event that time travelers should avoid. Too many things can go wrong.

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    1. Good pont, Charles. Pull out a cell phone and it’s the dunking chair in a heartbeat. 🙂

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      1. With rocks on your feet.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Good chance of being labelled a witch, devil or other outcasts here. Best to stay home and watch football on TV.

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    1. I think you are right, Darlene. Much safer.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. You got me thinking about the Pilgrim Pirates, I keep trying to think of what their uniforms would look like!!

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    1. Ha ha ha. Could be interesting, GP. Have to work in those tall hats and buckle shoes.

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  4. I think I would be in danger of violating rule #2 – let’s build something, then let’s make it bigger. A church? No that isn’t what I had in mind. I was hoping for more of a man cave.

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    1. Ha ha ha. Might be a new way to do a one sided house in a hill.

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  5. How about a rule mandating that all place names be easy to both spell and pronounce?

    Take that, you New Englanders. 🙂 🙂 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yeah. I’m with you. Ever ask for directions in Philadelphia? Impossible to pronounce most streets. Try Bela Cynwyd on for size

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  6. aFrankAngle · ·

    I Love Pope Paul V shirt must have been very popular back in the day!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think so. Especially with anyone intent on pissing off the Calvinists.

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  7. For those of us in Massachusetts, this was a big laugh-a-thon! Pilgrimate, fish and corn, and the Pope T-shirt, all in the dead of winter. Hilarious, John. Thanks for making my Monday morning. 😀

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    1. I’m glad you enjoyed it, Jennie. 😀

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      1. Me, too! 🙂

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  8. “Pilgrim Patriots.” Good one, John! Loved this!

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    1. Thank you, Jill. 😀

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  9. And don’t suggest Elton John for the celebratory landing party. Despite the presence of a rock, trying to exchange “Plymouth” for “Crocodile” might be a little too hard.

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    1. Ha haha. Good advice, Linda.

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  10. I didn’t mean THE Plymouth Fury, I was talking about a car. A Plymouth fury. You know, drive down to the Patriots game? We could take quart of corn chowder, because heaven forbid you try a clam…

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    1. I remember the 1958 Fury. A friend of mine got one for Christmas. What a ride. A quart of any kind of Chowder would suit me fine. Add a growler and life is good.

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      1. That sounds like a good road trip.

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      2. Add jerkey for 100% complete.

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  11. Loved these, John, especially in light of the historical novel I’m writing about one particular Pilgrim woman. BTW, the Pilgrims did not like clams much – they did like eels and of course had to eat smoked fish, although they preferred meat.

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    1. I suspect clams weren’t on the first tier. Thanks, Noelle.

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  12. First and foremost: do not land ON Plymouth Rock! 😀

    Liked by 2 people

    1. A bit hard I would say.

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  13. Gwen Plano · ·

    Oh my, I suspect I would have been a casualty at sea. Great list, John.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Gwen. The best for today.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. I guess saying you were ‘homesick’ would be a complete no no 🤣🤣

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah. You would give new meaning to the term Laughing Stock.

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  15. Ha! John, I don’t know where you managed to find the names for this one. Possessed…clams… football… I think I know where the tequila went. 😉 Have a marvelous Monday. Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Fuel for the imagination. Thanks, Teagan.

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  16. Good advice, John. Of course, after such an arduous sea journey, stuck on a boat with all those other folks, I wouldn’t be a happy camper. I might have to bring out the Pope T-shirt just to stir things up a bit!

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    1. I agree. People would be a pain by the third month. Yeeeeek

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      1. Besides cranky nerves and squalling babies, imagine the odor with no shower facilities!

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      2. Hmmm. Brings up another thought too. UGH

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  17. Hi John. I just popped in from Dale’s Blog and loved your post! I happen to be a huge fan of lists and your’s is fabulous. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for the follow, Lori. I’m glad you like lists since I do as well. I publish a new “Things not to do,” list each Monday. It’s my way of chasing tose Monday blues. Hope to see you often.

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  18. D.L Finn, Author · ·

    You could run into a lot of problems time traveling then for sure. Another great list John:)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think so. People weren’t very open to new ideas.

      Liked by 1 person

  19. Good list, John. I’m just wondering how an Indian from the country of Hindustan named Ganesh got mixed up with the Pilgrims. Did no one notice his accent? He’s a whole different kind of Indian than the Pilgrims encountered in the New World. 😀 — Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Before the Pilgrims started out they thought they might need an Indian translator. Being Europeans they thought all Indian’s were the same. Imagine their surprise. The Europeans believed Ganish meant Lord of the Dwarves in Hindi and so that was a done deal as far as they were concerned. Of course I just made this up. Hope yoiu enjoyed, 😀

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      1. I did enjoy it John and knew, of course, you made it up. I just couldn’t resist mentioning Ganesh. He’s an important god in this part of India. They have a festival for him here and a lot of idols. 🙂 — Suzanne

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      2. Thank you, Suzanne. 🙂

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  20. Reblogged this on Author Don Massenzio and commented:
    Check out this post from John Howell’s Fiction Favorites blog with the Top Ten Things Not to Do Landing at Plymouth Rock in 1620

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      1. You’re welcome.

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  21. Pretty cool. I take wearing my seriously cool sunglasses would be also added to that list, or offering to make a fire, and pull out a box of Diamond Matches or worse, a Bic lighter?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes. You might be able to pass yourself off as a wizard. Yet that might be a one way ticket to the stake as well. You could offer to light your own pyre. Might get some laughs.

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  22. I’m definitely not putting visiting Plymouth Rock on my bucket list.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Might be a little dicey back in 1620 for sure. Thanks for the comment and visit.

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  23. Boss,

    Pilgrim-gate is my new favorite as far as ‘gates’ are concerned. And nope . . I would keep my margaritas to myself. Or ANY other adult beverage I could get my mitts on, for that matter.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. A very wise man you are, Pilgrim.

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  24. I’d have got seasick even before hitting land, John. And no seasickness pills in those days. One or two margaritas may have helped, though.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Too many may be too much cure, Hugh. 😀

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  25. I think a beach party with the perfect margarita sounds perfect.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I tried to sell both to the Pilgrims. No luck.

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  26. I won’t be visiting. No margarita’s is just to hard, John.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hear you, Robbie. Main reason I’m not going either.

      Liked by 1 person

  27. You know what I like most about your Top Ten Things Not to Do, specifically the ones with a historical background?
    I learn things, e..g. William Brewster and Massasoit. Thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. History minor in College gets you some detail. Thanks for letting me know those thousands were well spent. 😀

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