This post continues the Top Ten Things Not to Do with a historical background. On this day in 2004, Mark Zuckerberg founded Facebook in his Harvard dormitory room. If you were there or if you intend to time travel there are things that you should not do. Here is a list that will be handy and keep you from making mistakes.
Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Founding of Facebook in 2004.
10 If you are in Zuckerberg’s room, do not ask him to post pictures of your lunch. If you do, at best he’ll see you to the door. At worst, he will recognize that Facebook might not be the intellectual breakthrough he envisioned. (So now you are responsible for Zuckerberg returning to class, Georgio. The world has lost a game-changing innovation. Or not.)
9 If you are in Zuckerberg’s room, do not ask Tiny the WWF champ to give up his lower bunk so you can sit down. If you do, at best you’ll have to sit on the floor. At worst, Tiny who just returned from the student health clinic after his shock therapy might take your request as a threat to his personal space. (It looks like your training for the 100-meter run starts now, Gergely. Good luck on those stairs.)
8 If you are in Zuckerberg’s room, do not IM him with a request that he visit your Facebook page. If you do, at best he will ignore you. At worst, he will attend and leave you a succinct evaluation. (Wow, never thought you were that incompetent did you, German. Maybe those dancing minions were a little over the top.)
7 If you are in Zuckerberg’s room, do not start a Facebook group called “Zuck’s Zombies.” If you do, at best no one will join. At worst, Mark will figure out that you need to be controlled. (Looks like you have been banned for life, Gerred. Too bad since Facebook is only a day old. The good news is you are the poster child for all those banned with no reason given.)
6 If you are in Zuckerberg’s room, do not start stalking everyone who has signed up for the new service. If you do, at best there will be complaints, but no one knows who you are. At worse, you will be discovered as the perpetrator. (You should have thought this through, Gervase. There are only three of you signed up for the service so far.)
5 If you are in Zuckerberg’s room, do not ask Mark for the phone number of that attractive person in Shaw Hall. If you do, at best he will ignore you. At worst, your request will cause a deeper thought on how much information can be collected and then released to others. (Looks like your request set in motion a lot of data mining for the future, Gian You should call yourself Data Mine Alpha.)
4 If you are in Zuckerberg’s room, do not send out that list titled, Ten Reasons to Go Out with Me to your friend list. If you do, at best all will think you are joking. At worst, your friend list will drop by the number sent. (It appears even in the beginning no one likes SPAM, Gilfred. Well maybe you can start over with fresh friends.)
3 If you are in Zuckerberg’s room, do not send out a video of a cat playing the piano. If you do, at best you’ll get some “likes.” At worst, the ASPCA will want to talk to you regarding your treatment of a cat. (Looks like you were not as anonymous as you thought, Gilleasbuig.)
2 If you are in Zuckerberg’s room, do not tag twelve of your friends to name what they are grateful for today and ask them to tag twelve friends. If you do, at best all twelve will be too busy to see the post. At worst, all twelve will see the post but decide they don’t need this kind of work. (All in all, there will be about 3000 folks who will not know how lucky they are to have your original twelve ignore you, Giovani.)
1 If you are in Zuckerberg’s room, do not post a picture of your latest purchase. If you do, at best it is from Target. At worst, you put up an insanely overpriced luxury item from Neiman Marcus. (Well, Girvin you accomplished making everyone gag at your excessive spending behavior. And you thought they would all be happy for you. Isn’t being a narcissist trying at times?)
Fiction Favorites 
0. If you are in Zuckerberg’s room, for the sake of everything you hold dear – STOP HIM.
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“Hey , Mark. I got some fine Maui Wowie. Let’s go get high.”
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If you’re in Zuckerberg’s room – run for your life!
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Too late he already gathered every bit of info from me.😓
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Too bad.
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😄
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If only you could really travel back in time, John. You could have saved us 😏
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I know right. “Hey, Marc. Let’s go get high.”
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I wish Fakebook would just go away….
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Ha haha. I’m with you. I don’t understand it at all.
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Fakebook … that’s perfect, Jill!
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😀 It is.
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🙂
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😁
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John,
Your list is a great way to chase the doc I watched the other night regarding FB and Google called “The Creepy Line”. Yikes!
You make those Orwellian scenarios so much more fun. 🙂
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Yes. We can laugh all the way to our Soilent Green lunch.
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Hey, great flick!
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I know right?
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A classic.
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If the time traveler wants his lunch posted he’s going to have to wait for some years. If he tries to take over Tiny’s lower bunk, it will end up being a selfie with his lunch smeared on his face. That might be worth seeing. A good list, John. 😀 — Suzanne
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Thank you, Suzanne. You paint quite a picture.
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im so happy that you mentioned lunch pictures right off the bat.
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Ha haha. Thanks, Charles.
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My question is…what are you doing in Zuckerbergs room? :))
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Just hanging out drinking beer. 😁
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Hahaha 😂😂😂🕺🕺
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🍺
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Perhaps it was your idea in the first place and Zuckerberg just modified it and made millions!! Next time you’re in his room, stop sharing your ideas.
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Excellent point, Darlene. I think I’ll keep my notes to myself.
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If only Tiny the WWF champ had just done his job, we wouldn’t have this social media mess.
Uh, don’t tell him I said that. Okay?
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Your secret is safe with me. “What’s that Tiny? Someone said you are not doing your job? Did you just come from your group meeting? Greg said that.”
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Tell him, I’ll give him a hundred bucks for funding, but I want 20% of the company.
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You’d be the new Wosniack.
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Great list, John.
Facebook could be such a wonderful place were it not for the millions who participate in using it for dreck…
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A lot of dreck and a couple of pieces of dross thrown in too.
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Absolutely!
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😊
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And to think, I was one of the first people Facebook banned. Now I’m leading a very happy life and have loads of free time on my hands, John. Thanks for the Monday laughs.
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You are iconic.
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Great list John. The food picture had me laughing. I’ve never understood that.
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Me either. Thanks, Denise.
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Facebook is NOT my social media site of choice. From all I’ve heard, I’m not missing a thing by not being on it either. So, nice try, Mark, but back to the drawing board!
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Yes, I agree.
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Seems like I remember Facebook actually being fun for a little while – but definitely not in the past several years, though.
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I agree. Thanks, Teri.
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Oh, the vision he must have had in 2004. And, it is with mixed feelings I say that FB was definitely a game changer. That being said, I’m about ready to change games AGAIN. Hey, maybe we can revive MySpace. 🙂
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I’m with you.
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My parents allowed me to use Facebook only after I finished school when I was about 17, they were worried about bullying and the ‘like’ / ‘dislike’ aspect of it. They said from the start think of Facebook as posting things on the local noticeboard for anyone to see, nothing is private not even private messages. Following their advice I like using it still. I’ve connected with lovely people all over the world I enjoy photos of friends I’d have lost touch with otherwise and the videos teaching me recipes and cleaning hacks are great. My grandparents can keep up with me too! Bonus.
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I love hearing good Facebook stories. Thanks, Charlotte.
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Epic, dear John! Simply Epic!!!!!!! Maybe you could keep up with this topic telling about 10 things not to do in ICQ? 🙂 🙂 🙂
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ICQ?
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Yes, don’t you remeber it? the first messenger with the green flower?
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Totally forgot. 😁
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Oh!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂
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I have to wonder what it must be like to live in Mark Zuckerberg’s head. I’m guessing it’s already overcrowded in there. I like to think he had no idea of the monster he was unleashing. I’m guessing he’s not crying too hard as his keys in the code access to his numbered Swiss bank account. Or maybe he’s still stoned.
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Ha haha. Big money.
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I wonder just how many Tequila Sunrises that kinda money can buy. Sigh.
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You could buy a tequila sunrise for everyone in the world and still get change. 😁
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My kinda world.😉
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Yes.
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Great post, John, and so timely! I deactivated my FB account a while ago and have not missed it 😀
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Mentally I have done the same. The thing just runs.
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I was on FB for exactly six weeks. I never followed anyone, or posted or liked a single thing. Sometimes I congratulate myself for my good sense on getting out. I will confess I give an occasional side-eye to FB news reports, just to see when the EU’s finally going to get the ball rolling — right through Zuck’s pretty room!
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Ha haha. I have never figured FB out. I try to post stuff and am not really sure anyone sees it. Thanks, Linda.
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A most amusing post, John. Well done.
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Thank you, Robbie. I’m glad you liked it.
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Really funny, John!!
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Thank you, Jennie.
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You’re welcome, John.
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😊
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Reblogged this on Author Don Massenzio and commented:
Check out another great list from John Howell’s Fiction Favorites Blog. This one is the Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Founding of Facebook in 2004
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Thank you, Don
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You’re welcome.
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It’s been said, but “Take Zuckerberg” out has to be on a “Things You Must Do For The Good Of Humanity.”
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Ha ha ha,
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Shaw Hall? I see you’re still doing your research. Or did you go to Harvard?
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I grabbed the name of my Freshman dorm at Michigan State University. Thanks, Andrew.
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