Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Founding of Facebook in 2004

~ John W. Howell

 

Top Ten Things Not to Do

 

This post continues the Top Ten Things Not to Do with a historical background. On this day in 2004, Mark Zuckerberg founded Facebook in his Harvard dormitory room. If you were there or if you intend to time travel there are things that you should not do. Here is a list that will be handy and keep you from making mistakes.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Founding of Facebook in 2004.

10 If you are in Zuckerberg’s room, do not ask him to post pictures of your lunch. If you do, at best he’ll see you to the door. At worst, he will recognize that Facebook might not be the intellectual breakthrough he envisioned. (So now you are responsible for Zuckerberg returning to class, Georgio. The world has lost a game-changing innovation. Or not.)

9 If you are in Zuckerberg’s room, do not ask Tiny the WWF champ to give up his lower bunk so you can sit down. If you do, at best you’ll have to sit on the floor. At worst, Tiny who just returned from the student health clinic after his shock therapy might take your request as a threat to his personal space. (It looks like your training for the 100-meter run starts now, Gergely. Good luck on those stairs.)

8 If you are in Zuckerberg’s room, do not IM him with a request that he visit your Facebook page. If you do, at best he will ignore you. At worst, he will attend and leave you a succinct evaluation. (Wow, never thought you were that incompetent did you, German. Maybe those dancing minions were a little over the top.)

7 If you are in Zuckerberg’s room, do not start a Facebook group called “Zuck’s Zombies.” If you do, at best no one will join. At worst, Mark will figure out that you need to be controlled. (Looks like you have been banned for life, Gerred. Too bad since Facebook is only a day old. The good news is you are the poster child for all those banned with no reason given.)

6 If you are in Zuckerberg’s room, do not start stalking everyone who has signed up for the new service. If you do, at best there will be complaints, but no one knows who you are. At worse, you will be discovered as the perpetrator. (You should have thought this through, Gervase. There are only three of you signed up for the service so far.)

5 If you are in Zuckerberg’s room, do not ask Mark for the phone number of that attractive person in Shaw Hall. If you do, at best he will ignore you. At worst, your request will cause a deeper thought on how much information can be collected and then released to others. (Looks like your request set in motion a lot of data mining for the future, Gian You should call yourself Data Mine Alpha.)

4 If you are in Zuckerberg’s room, do not send out that list titled, Ten Reasons to Go Out with Me to your friend list. If you do, at best all will think you are joking. At worst, your friend list will drop by the number sent. (It appears even in the beginning no one likes SPAM, Gilfred. Well maybe you can start over with fresh friends.)

3 If you are in Zuckerberg’s room, do not send out a video of a cat playing the piano. If you do, at best you’ll get some “likes.” At worst, the ASPCA will want to talk to you regarding your treatment of a cat. (Looks like you were not as anonymous as you thought, Gilleasbuig.)

2 If you are in Zuckerberg’s room, do not tag twelve of your friends to name what they are grateful for today and ask them to tag twelve friends. If you do, at best all twelve will be too busy to see the post. At worst, all twelve will see the post but decide they don’t need this kind of work. (All in all, there will be about 3000 folks who will not know how lucky they are to have your original twelve ignore you, Giovani.)

1 If you are in Zuckerberg’s room, do not post a picture of your latest purchase. If you do, at best it is from Target. At worst, you put up an insanely overpriced luxury item from Neiman Marcus. (Well, Girvin you accomplished making everyone gag at your excessive spending behavior. And you thought they would all be happy for you. Isn’t being a narcissist trying at times?)

77 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Founding of Facebook in 2004”

  5. John,

    Your list is a great way to chase the doc I watched the other night regarding FB and Google called “The Creepy Line”. Yikes!

    You make those Orwellian scenarios so much more fun. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. If the time traveler wants his lunch posted he’s going to have to wait for some years. If he tries to take over Tiny’s lower bunk, it will end up being a selfie with his lunch smeared on his face. That might be worth seeing. A good list, John. 😀 — Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Facebook is NOT my social media site of choice. From all I’ve heard, I’m not missing a thing by not being on it either. So, nice try, Mark, but back to the drawing board!

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  17. Oh, the vision he must have had in 2004. And, it is with mixed feelings I say that FB was definitely a game changer. That being said, I’m about ready to change games AGAIN. Hey, maybe we can revive MySpace. 🙂

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  18. My parents allowed me to use Facebook only after I finished school when I was about 17, they were worried about bullying and the ‘like’ / ‘dislike’ aspect of it. They said from the start think of Facebook as posting things on the local noticeboard for anyone to see, nothing is private not even private messages. Following their advice I like using it still. I’ve connected with lovely people all over the world I enjoy photos of friends I’d have lost touch with otherwise and the videos teaching me recipes and cleaning hacks are great. My grandparents can keep up with me too! Bonus.

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  20. I have to wonder what it must be like to live in Mark Zuckerberg’s head. I’m guessing it’s already overcrowded in there. I like to think he had no idea of the monster he was unleashing. I’m guessing he’s not crying too hard as his keys in the code access to his numbered Swiss bank account. Or maybe he’s still stoned.

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  22. I was on FB for exactly six weeks. I never followed anyone, or posted or liked a single thing. Sometimes I congratulate myself for my good sense on getting out. I will confess I give an occasional side-eye to FB news reports, just to see when the EU’s finally going to get the ball rolling — right through Zuck’s pretty room!

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