Today is National No Diet Day attempting to bring to light the unnecessary obsession with weight and diets. I thought it would be fun to explore what not to do today. I hope you enjoy the list and recognize the need of accepting who we are no matter our shape.
Top Ten Things Not to Do on National No Diet Day
10 On No Diet Day, do not order a monster burger with cheese, cheese fries, and a triple thick shake at a fast food joint. If you do at best, you’ll have help eating it all. At worst, your midnight wake up call will be disturbing. (That noise you keep hearing is your stomach, Hagley. It’s trying to figure a way to handle the over 3,000 calories that you decided to ingest.)
9 On No Diet Day, do not invite Tiny the WWF champ out for a bite to eat. If you do, at best he will have eaten at least twice today. At worst, he decided to diet on No Diet Day and is pleased that you informed him of the need to honor the designation. (Don’t worry about the bill, Hali. You can get a second job to cover it. I would not be asking Tiny to slow down his ordering if I was you. After all, you invited him and you don’t need a knuckle sandwich on the menu.)
8 On No Diet Day, do not invite your vegan co-workers to join you at the Happy Corral for the “all you can eat steak tummy buster buffet.” If you do, at best you’ll get polite declines. At worst, your co-workers will ask HR to sign you up for sensitivity sessions. (I guess you found out that the vegan path is one of sincerity huh Halbert? By the way, today’s class is on trust. Your classmates are supposed to catch you as you fall backward off a ten-foot ladder. You may want to call in sick.)
7 On No Diet Day, do not announce you are going on a diet. If you do, at best you will be ignored. At worst, you will be presented with the Buzz Kill of the year award. (You could have just kept quiet, Halen. Now your boss is calling attention to your lack of judgment as you are being called up to the podium to accept the award.)
6 On No Diet Day, do not keep looking at yourself in the mirror. If you do, at best you will keep finding things you don’t like. At worst, you’ll start to obsess about what you perceive as physical problem areas and start thinking of a diet. (Better you should worry about getting to work on time rather than how your body looks, Halian.
5 On No Diet Day, do not crack jokes about others appearances. If you do, at best you won’t be overheard. At worst, your boss will be standing behind you when you mention their weight gain. (Now you will have to figure out how to get back in good graces, Halstead. You might consider an on the knees apology. It may not work but will demonstrate a sincere desire to save your own butt.)
4 On No Diet Day, do not decide to try every one of the twenty ice cream flavors at the local store. If you do, at best your sense of taste will be frozen out. At worst, your enthusiasm for the day will have been misplaced. (Notwithstanding that you now can’t stand ice cream in any flavor, Ham the idea was acceptance of body shape not to expand it.)
3 On No Diet Day, do not continue to avoid getting into a swimsuit to have some fun. If you do, at best you’ll miss out as usual. At worst, you will continue to view yourself negatively. (Sure you have some bumps, Hamidi, but look around. Others do as well. I think though, one improvement might be a nice pair of trunks rather than that red speedo)
2 On No Diet Day, do not think about yourself for 24 hours. If you do, at best you missed the point. At worst, you’ll be back worrying about how you look again. ( You spend way to much time on the subject of you, Hamlet. How about spending a little time worrying about some of the other 7.7 Billion on the planet.)
1 On Diet Day, do not forget that the point is to eat healthily rather than trying to regulate your body with often dangerous diet measures. If you do, at best you could continue to lack self-satisfaction. At worst, you could jeopardize your health. (So you think you are overweight, Hampus. Why not try a more balanced approach with good food, exercise, and a fuggedaboudit attitude. At least for one day at a time.)
Fiction Favorites 
I am still thinking about that burger…lol. i agree eat healthy don’t diet!
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Nothing like a big ole burger. Lay on some bacon, and cheese and you’ve got something. Just not every day. 😄 Thanks, Denise.
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🙂
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Loved this one. Finding even a small diet is hard to maintain.
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Ha ha ha. Thanks, Charles.
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Love it! Speedos are worn by far too many who shouldn’t don one.
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Yes that is for sure.
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Hilarious! I wonder why people haven’t realized that diets don’t work.
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Several billions are made each year on “diet” products. That’s a lot of advertising weigt. Thanks, Jill
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Happy No Diet Day, John. You might get the buzzkill award for that last thing about eating healthy. I’m going to use Tiny’s definition of healthy – “not small or feeble : considerable.” All-in-all, a great list and the perfect holiday for a Monday in May.
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Thank you, Dan. Yes the buzz kill was a PSA for the Gipper. 😄
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I’m going with the Top Nine Things for today.
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There you go. Good move.
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Number 10 sure sounds good.
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Yes. I picture two quarter pound fresh patties, aged cheddar cheese, apple smoked bacon. lettuce and tomato on a sesame seed bun. Maybe 1300 calories.
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Great list, John! I almost didn’t get past the image though. I love it!! I should put it on my office door (not really ;)).
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Ha ha ha
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Good ones. I’ll try to take them to heart. Oh look… Someone brought doughnuts today.
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Ha haha.
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Good advice in #1 — moderation is key. A big ole chocolate milkshake is yummy, once in a while!
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Yup. I agree.
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Where?
Where?
I’ve been 86’d from all the local buffets, so I am looking for alternatives. Hint: don’t body-slam the old lady who tries to take the last of the ham.
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Yeah, you need the ham more than she does.
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There is a national no-diet day? Wow… Who’d a thunk…
Your hidden message of acceptance of one’s self is duly noted.
Guess I’ll stick with my plan of having a Poke bowl instead of a burger…
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See that is nit the message. Have the burger and be proud of the place it ends up. 😀
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I know, right? But was invited for Asian and I just love poke bowls…🙂
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Okay then
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Every day is no diet day for me, lol. That’s okay, there’s just more of me to love 🙂
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Ha haha. Good for you.
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Splendid set, dear John as well as the feast itself! 🙂
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Thank you, Maria.
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Some very sound advice there, John!
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Thank you, Jan
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I don’t like the sound of a knuckle sandwich, John. Just imagine having one of those while drinking a chocolate milkshake at the same time. 🙄😱
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I’m with you. Doesn’t sound like a good thing at all.
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Amen to your number one choice, Boss. Diets are never a good idea. Our bodies don’t need to be put through all that. What they need is consistent maintenance. Hell, it doesn’t always go as planned, but it’s STILL better than dieting.
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I agree for sure. We lso have to get comfortabe with our own situation whatever it is.
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I agree. We have to abide by moderation. Eat whatever you wish, just keep it civilized is all. And if you stray, don’t beat yourself up. You’re human after all.
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So true. My wife and I have dessert after dinner every night. It seems to take the edge off so there is no headache from falling off the wagon.
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That’s the strategy right there. 😉
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A most amusing way to draw attention to quite a serious issue, John.
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Thank you, Robbie.
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So not only are you a world-class author and a decent man, John, you’re a dietician too?
That’s awesome.
My IBS has given me quite the gut this year and it certainly affects one’s self-image, so I appreciate these words more than most, my friend.
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Your image is perfect, Hook. ( Humerous and compassionite writer.)
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I liked #4. Made me laugh! This was a good one, John.
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Thank you, Jennie. 😁
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You’re welcome, John.
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😊
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There are people wandering around who look as though a good burger would do them some good. Personally, I come from a family with members who believed the four basic food groups were coffee, coffee cake, cookies, and pie, so I’ve had a little adjusting to do over the years.
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Ha ha ha. Food groups for the immortal. Thanks for the laugh, Linda. 😁
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You know who I wouldn’t wanna be? The guy (or gal) who has to do your research on these Top Ten things. No. Not the content. I’m talkin’ about the names you have to come up with each time that start with the same letter. Whew! Just thinking about it hurts my head.
Hampus?
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Ha ha ha. It is easier than you think. Just Google “boys names that begin with H” and work through the list. Thanks, Andrew.
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