Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Laying of the White House Cornerstone in 1792

~ John W. Howell

 

White House

Yes, this week marks the anniversary of the laying of the cornerstone of the White House by George Washington in 1792. I’m sure you want to be there, but before you go, take this list and maybe avoid making social or time travel mistakes.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Laying of the Cornerstone of the White House in 1792

10 If you go to the cornerstone laying, do not think the silver trowel is a souvenir. If you do, at best, a kindly George Washington will ask you to put it back. At worst, the Navy men in attendance who are also celebrating the founding of the Navy will help you put it back. (It seems as if those Navy boys have had a little too much rum, Jakome. They are serious about your yardarm swing.)

9 If you go to the cornerstone laying, do not sit in Tiny the WWF champ’s seat. If you do, at best, he will find another. At worst, Tiny, who missed his Anger Management support group that morning, will not be able to control himself. (If you can hold on for another minute, Jalen, Tiny will grow tired of spinning you around above his head. Of course, your landing after that helicopter experience might be a little rough.)

8 If you go to the cornerstone laying, do not carry a sign that says, “Federalists Suck.” If you do, at best, the Federalists will think you are joking. At worst, It will be assumed that you do not support the constitution. ( You’ve done it now, Jamael. You have all those burley revolutionary veterans ready to run you out of town. )

7 If you go to the cornerstone laying, do not ask Alexander Hamilton for tickets to his show. If you do, at best, he’ll wonder what show? At worst, he’ll have Aaron Burr meet you at dawn. ( Do not go through with the duel, Jamison. That guy knows his way around a flintlock. I’ll bet you have much to learn.)

6 If you go to the cornerstone laying, do not ask Washington what he thinks of “the wall.” If you do, at best, he’ll talk about clearing rocks out of the fields at Mount Vernon. At worst, when you describe what you are asking, he will have you committed. (You knew that that was a non-subject, Jamshid. Gotta wonder why you would go there?)

5 If you go to the cornerstone laying, do not expect to find a Starbucks right next door. If you do, at best you can handle disappointment. At worst, your caffeine cravings will get the best of you. (There was no reason to yell at that sweet old lady when she couldn’t tell you where the nearest Starbucks was, Jantzen. Now you have that big soldier over there looking crossly at you.)

4 If you go to the cornerstone laying, do not ask for directions to the Washington monument. If you do, at best, someone will point to George. At worst, whoever you ask will begin to suspect you are not from around there. (Since the monument was not started until 1848, Janyd, you are going to gather a crowd who may not like your story of time travel.)

3 If you go to the cornerstone laying, do not ask about the Secret Service protecting the President. If you do, at best, no one will care. At worst, you might be asked why you think the President needs protecting? (Since the Secret Service was not established until 1865, Japhet those police officers are wondering why you are so concerned. Maybe time to leave.)

2 If you go to the cornerstone laying, do not ask the architect why he forgot a fence? If you do, at best he’ll tell you there is no need since the President doesn’t keep cows. At worst, the idea will get passed around, and someone will suggest one be put in. (In effect you caused a time tear, Jarah since Thomas Jefferson helped build one in 1801)

1 If you go to the cornerstone laying, do not offer to help carry the stone. If you do, at best, it will arrive in one piece. At worst, it was a little heavier than you thought, and now it is laying in two chunks on the ground. (Yeah, I would say it is time to run not walk to the time machine, Jari. I think your work is done here plus there about 200folks who would love to wring your neck.)

64 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Laying of the White House Cornerstone in 1792”

  3. I’m thinking I might like seeing a few cows grazing on the Whitehouse lawn. Great list, John. “Stay away from duels” is always good advice. If you won, you could really mess things up.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. HaHa, and don’t plan on preserving the memory via your cell phone camera either! Great list, John; I didn’t realize the cornerstone of the White House was laid this week. Always something to learn!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Your Number 1 reminded me of that hilarious scene with Mel Brooks carrying the 11 commandments before dropping one, LOL.

    And note to self. Do not meet with Aaron Burr at dawn. Or noon. Or maybe just don’t meet with Aaron Burr . . .

    Great Monday kickoff Boss!

    Liked by 1 person

        2. Holy water is what I like to call it.

          I’m lucky in that I always have a movie pardnah . . and some holy water on hand. It’s one of the many blessings bestowed upon me as a result of living right.

          Gracias senor. 😉

          Liked by 1 person

  14. You’re always digging up fun little occasions to travel to. Of course there would have been a cornerstone for the White House — i just never thought of it. We really don’t want to irritate Tiny on an occasion like this, or he might turn one of us into the cornerstone.

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  22. Pingback: Smorgasbord Blogger Daily – Wednesday October 23rd – John W. Howell #WhiteHouse -Lisa Thomson #Divorce – Jan Sikes #Nashville | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

    1. I spend about two hours on each of them. They are my most time intensive posts for the week. The views post takes time to photograph and edit the photos, but since the copy is light very little time to write. Thanks for asking, Robbie.

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