By Edward Percy Moran – Library of Congress
On January 8th, 1815 A rag-tag army under Andrew Jackson defeats the British on the fields of Chalmette in the Battle of New Orleans. Since this piece of history is fascinating you may want to go and observe. If you do, take this list with you and maybe you can avoid and trouble time travel-wise.
10 If you go, do not ask anyone if they have heard the song, Battle of New Orleans by Johnny Horton. If you do, at best no one can understand you. At worst, someone will ask you to sing it. (When you get to the part about using a gator as a cannon, Jackie you might want to explain you were just kidding.)
9 If you go, do not ignore a command from Tiny the WWF champ to help build an earthen barrier that will be used to protect the Americans from the British. If you do, at best Tiny will become preoccupied with something shiny. At worst, since Tiny has missed his last four anger management sessions he forgot about snapping the band around his wrist. ( He is now snapping your bones, Jacobe. Don’t worry usually two snaps of the band calms him down. You might want to yell, “wrist band.” If couldn’t hurt.)
8 If you go, do not wear your favorite red sweater. If you do, at best all the sharpshooters know a sweater when they see one. At worst, your sweater will be mistaken for a British uniform. (The outcome of this is not good, Jacobus. There are no less than 2500 angry shooters from Kentucky anxious for practice. I think I would take it off. DUH.)
7 If you go, do not turn your nose up at spicy cajun food. If you do, at best you can find something else to eat. At worst, you will be left on your own for food. (There is no organic store here, Jacorey. Just suck it up and eat the beans and rice. Besides, the spice will keep down dysentery.)
6 If you go, do not expect a Kentucky militiaman to loan you a rifle. If you do, at best you might be able to borrow a knife. At worst, since many of the militiamen did not bring there own weapons, there is a short supply. (You just might have to fill a gator’s mouth with cannonballs and powder his behind, Jacque. In fact, Andrew Jackson said, “I don’t understand these guys not bringing their guns. I have never seen a Kentuckian without a gun, a pack of cards, and a bottle of whiskey in my life.”)
5 If you go, do not try to convince everyone that the Treaty of Ghent, which was signed by the British and Americans on December 24, 1814, made the battle unnecessary. If you do, at best you’ll be ignored. At worst, General Jackson will order you to go tell the British to stop advancing on New Orleans. (You are in a fine kettle of fish, Jacques. Unknown to you the British forces have orders to attack in spite of the treaty being signed. So how’s it feel to be in the middle. Yes, those are bullets from both sides.)
4 If you go, do not ask Jean Laffite how his British friends are doing. If you do, at best, Jean will think you are joking. At worst, since he is double-crossing the British, he may take offense. (Jean agreed to help the British and is now helping the Americans, Jacy. So he is not very happy with you for pointing out his relationship with the British. When Jean says to walk the plank, he is not talking about the deck of the ship. Good luck, treading water.)
3 If you go, do not tell the British where their misplaced ladders are located. If you do, at best, it won’t help them. At worst, they will be able to scale the rampart Jackson built to keep the British out of New Orleans. (Old hickory is sure mad at you, Jadon. He had the 1500 yard rampart built to repel the British who lost the ladders needed to do it. I would tell the British you were kidding and don’t know where the ladders are being kept before you alter the outcome of the battle or Jackson has you shot.).
2 If you go, do not question the decision to put New Orleans under martial law. If you do, at best, Jackson won’t hear about it. At worst, General Jackson will personally let you know to mind your own business. (Andrew Jackson felt strongly that without martial law, the city could not be controlled. Yes, your writ of Habeas Corpus has been suspended, Jae. Good luck in solitary on bread and water.)
1 If you go, do not ask for a glass of bourbon on bourbon street. If you do, at best you’ll get some funny looks. At worst, those you ask will know you are not from around here. (French engineer Adrien de Pauger laid out the streets of New Orleans in 1721 and chose one to carry the name of the French royal family ruling at the time, Rue Bourbon, Jafar. It is not named for the drink which wasn’t called Bourbon until the 1850s.)
Fiction Favorites 
It’s a good thing I don’t like bourbon! Great list, John. Happy Monday!
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Hahahahaha. Yup it is.😊
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Great list today. Can imagine how #5 would play out.
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Was the actual truth. The British Genera was given orders to continue fighting even though the treaty was signed.
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Well, that’s not very sportsman-like.
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No it’s not. That’s what made the victory all the more sweet.
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Great list, John. Now I have Jonny Horton’s song stuck in my head. Time for coffee…
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Enjoy, 🎶They ran through the briars and they ran throgh the brambles.🎶
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You’re not helping me to get the song out of my head. 🙂
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Evil I am. (Yoda said that)
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Haha! 😀
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Hahahaha
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I like # 7 the best. People just don’t think about food when they take off to join a war! 🙂
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True enough. Thanks, GP
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I particularly like the word play in #1!
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Thank you, Liz
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You’re welcome, John!
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I had to choose what to carry, John. I had cards and whiskey. I think you need to build us a slightly bigger time machine.
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Ha ha ha. I’ll remember next time.
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Sometimes its a good exercise to ask yourself what was the clearest message in what you just read. My answer is whiskey!
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Good message, Ronnie. 😁
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Top 10 things not to do in January of a new decade, dear John! 🙂
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One of them is to fly areound in a time machine. Thanks, Maria.
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So nostalgic your words are, dear John! And to return a decade back. To feel younger & bolder… what a wonderful idea!
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😁
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🙂 🙂 🙂
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I probably learned more about that battle and city in the last five minutes than I knew before. Thanks. And since you did it with humor, I’ll remember it.
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Thank you, William. I appreciate your comment. 😀
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Could I ask for beignets and beads? I honestly never knew that about Bourbon street.
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Big cup of chicory flavored coffee and a beignet. Heaven. The beads are yours.
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I did not know #1, John. Fascinating info — thank you. And as Mardi Gras is right around the corner (well, more like two months away!), ’tis timely, too!
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Thanks, Debbie. Yes two months is within shooting distence. Yeah I was amazedat the Bourbon naming. 😁
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At least Tiny didn’t fill my mouth with cannonballs and powder my–– gotta go. I think he’s coming back.
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He’s been watching you for several trips now. 😁
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I would definitely be wearing earth tones. No colors that pop.
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Good idea, Pilgrim
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Gracias Sheriff.
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What was bourbon called before then??? That question is going to burn a hole in my brain if I don’t have an answer! haha, don’t wear a red sweater. I wonder if they were called jumpers in those days like the British say? Or did “we” always call them sweaters? Well, thanks for the brain jumpstart today, John haha.
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Hooch I guess. I don’t have an answer either.
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Hooch! I love it!
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Great list, John… and, my mom taught us that song! Whenever we went on road trips, indubitably that song would make its appearance! (I was mean and supplied it above for Jennie 😉
Yeah, and while I love to wear red, don’t over there…
Always so much fun and we learn as we laugh…
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Thank you, Dale. I’m sure Jennie thanks you too.
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Good grief. I had to take time after number ten to stop singing that song so I could keep reading! How the lyrics have stayed in mind so completely is a mystery. I laughed at this: “Andrew Jackson felt strongly that without martial law, the city could not be controlled.” I’d say that the annual Mardi Gras celebrations there might support his conclusion.
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Ha hahah. I think you have hit on something here, Linda. If he made a visit at Mardi Gras there would be troops in the streets.
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Reblogged this on Author Don Massenzio and commented:
John Howell is back with another top ten list. Check out this post with the list: TOP TEN THINGS NOT TO DO AT THE BATTLE OF NEW ORLEANS IN 1815
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Thank you, Don.
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You’re welcome.
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As usual, a wonderful telling of history. I really like these. I know I’ve said it before, but I’m saying it again.
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And I always appreciate you for reading them.
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A metaphor ladened song if I ever heard one. And this was in the 1950s!!!
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Yes it was.
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