Top Ten Things Not to Do When the Globe Theater Burns Down in 1613

Top Ten Things not to do.

 

Today marks the 407th anniversary of the burning of the Globe Theater in 1613. If you want to travel back to that time, you better take this list so you won’t inadvertently make a mistake that could cause a tear in the time continuum.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Burning of the Globe Theater in 1613.

10 If you go, do not mention that it would not be a significant loss. If you do, at best it will be to someone who doesn’t speak English. At worst, You might be overheard by William Shakespeare himself. (Nice going, Leodegraunce. You wonder why William is so livid? All his plays make their debut at the Globe. Now he will have no venue for performances. Yes, he is getting a pitchfork, and I don’t think he intends to fork hay.)

9 If you go, do not try to tell Tiny the WWF champ how to put out a fire. If you do, at best, he will be too busy to hear you. At worst, Tiny has never been too good at receiving criticism. (You see, Leone. Tiny was left on a doorstep when he was 21, and he hasn’t gotten over the rejection. Oh, I see he is trying a new chokehold on you. Blue is not your color, trust me.)

8 If you go, do not offer to call 911. If you do, at best, you’ll be misunderstood. At worst, Will asks you what 911 is. (As you recognize your mistake Leonidas, Will is getting more agitated as another timber falls into the pyre. Sooner or later he’s going to take it out you. I see him over there with poor Yorick’s skull. He is giving you the stinkeye.)

7 If you go, do not ask if the building was insured. If you do, at best you’ll be talking to an actor who knows nothing. At worst, you’ll mention it to one of the Lord Chamberlin’s Men. (The Lord Chamberlins Men is Willaim Shakespeare’s acting company, Leron. The guy you asked was the one who was supposed to buy insurance but forgot. I think he wants to kill you.)

6 If you go, don’t suggest that maybe plays could be given in the town square. If you do, at best you’ll ask one of the sweepers. At worst, you will ask one of Will’s actors James Burbage. (The actor named James BurbageΒ was the one who had the idea to build a theater in the first place, Lethe. In 1574 the Common Council of London decided to tax performances in public places. So James built his own theater to avoid the tax. When his lease ran out, the timbers from James’s place were used to create the Globe. This was one way to avoid being taxed for using public land for performances. Now James is whispering to Will and there is that look again.)

5 If you go, do not suggest a smaller theater next time. If you do, at best, you’ll make the suggestion to the bartender. At worst, Will will overhear you. (The globe could seat 1000 and have standing room for another 1000, Liander. The folks that stood paid a penny to get in. The people that sat paid 6 pence. Now, if you figure a loaf of bread cost a penny then, On one performance to show you his take, Will could buy 7000 loaves. You think he would want a smaller venue? In fact, he is heading this way looking a little cross.)

4 If you go, do not suggest having hot food at the next theater. If you do, at best, you are talking to a firefighter. At worst, your suggestion of having a flambe duck on the menu will be overheard by Will. (I think you will agree, Lichas, anything connected to fire will cause Will to become unglued. I think he might be ready to toss you out.)

3 If you go, do not suggest that the first play in the new theater be Henry VIII. If you do, at best, the person you are talking to has long stopped listening to you. At worst, you’ll make this suggestion to the producer of the last performance of Henry VIII. (You wonder why he has turned pale, Linc. It was a faulty cannon shot during the production of Henry VIII, which started a fire in the beams and thatching. I think you better get going. He is going to recover very soon and might want to smite you.)

2 If you go, do not tell anyone that a new theater will be built and opened in only a year. If you do, at best you won’t be believed. At worst, ShakespeareΒ will want to know how you came to have that information. (Now you are in a fine kettle of fish, Linden. How are you going to explain your time travel status? I think I would try to convince Will that you are a magician and just disappear.)

1 Β If you go, do not agree with anyone who calls the theater a den of sin. If you do, at best,Β Will doesn’t find out. At worst, those folks you agreed with are Puritans. (They have used your opinion as one more vote, Lindsay, and were successful in shutting down the Globe Theater in 1642 along with every other theater in London.)

75 comments

  1. Guessing it would be bad to bring marshmallows too.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Darn. I wish I had thought of that. Good one. 😁

      Like

  2. Be careful what you say, or you’ll end up in one of Will’s plays as the fool.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That is so true, Liz. Thanks.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome, John.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Great list John! I’m laughing at the comment by Charles. Hopefully number eight isn’t in our future.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Charles comment was a good one for sure. Yes. “Alas poor Yorick. I knew him well Horatio.” We don’t need that for sure.

      Like

  4. Guess might be futile to search for concealed microphones on stage. Or the lighting controls behind the audience.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. A little too early for that kind of hunt, Ankur. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh boy did I have a question for Tiny today, but I sure wasn’t going to ask it!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahahaha. Thanks, GP.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh my, I would be in trouble. Especially if popcorn and Milk Duds hadn’t been invented yet.

    Great list, John.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You could be the one to start the concession. I would wait for the rebuild though. Thanks, Dan

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I have a friend who casts me as “Hot Dog Dan” in small stories written around historic photos on Facebook. Maybe this is a sign 😏

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Scooter burger, Dan too.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. This is true. Maybe I’ll call it the Macbeth Burger

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Sounds like a good name for sure.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. It sure doesn’t surprise me that the fire started during Henry VIII, who had the karma of a toad.

    Were there any Anne Boleyn sightings, I wonder?

    Now I’m thinking, if he wrote Hamlet, after the Globe turned on its axis for the last time, if that’s where the line…my thoughts be bloody came from. And for the record, Will Shakespeare should have left his ego to science, like that skull of Yorick Hammy found.

    Will Power, my patootie. Always enjoys these. Clever and funny. What else could a girl want on a muggy Monday.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad you liked the post, Susannah. I think old Will was inspired for sure. He finished Hamlet sometime between 1599 and 1601

      Liked by 1 person

      1. So it may have been before the fire.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes it was. The fire was in 1613.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I love that you know all this.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I do a deep dive on each post. I guess before I pass on I will have accumulated a ton of facts. The key will be hanging on to them. πŸ˜€

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Selective memory. You usually remember what interests you. I’m in the throes of a tome on Teddy…TR…The Last Romantic, by H.W. Brands. I read it in 2004, remembering saying repeatedly, it’s my favorite Teddy book. He’s a wonderful writer. A History Professor, who I think make the greatest historians since they love who they’re writing about, their literary lust, catchy. There’s so much humanity laced within the facts of his subject. That said…also rereading McCullough’s, The American Spirit. Have you read that? I may have asked you. There’s a great John Adams quote…I discovered books and read forever. I’ll leave you with that. Reading and writing…gifts from above. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Reading abd writing are truly gifts from above. I have not read The American spirit (which I will correct) Here is a video of David discussing the book at the Kennedy Library with Charles Gibson. It is over an hour but I thought you would enjoy it. https://youtu.be/dDV3xNjHRWA

        Liked by 1 person

      7. You’re so kind. Thank you. You’ll appreciate them. Short, spare and awe-inspiring.

        Liked by 1 person

      8. Will check them out. Thanks.

        Liked by 1 person

  8. The anniversary of burning? πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ I say, dear John! That sounds wierd! And no champagne before the theater to celebrate such a significant event! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. No champagne. Just wear your oldest clothes. You know how smoke ruins them. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

      1. True! Smoke & ash! And no fireworks! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Maybe some smoked salmon though. 😁

        Liked by 1 person

      3. True! And kebab! πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Yes. A lamb kebab would be nice.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. From what I have gathered from reading Shapspear, is that at least three quarters of his plays are people tossing insults at each other. The other quarter is consists of sword fights.

    And my bit of advice to Shapspearian actors: speak slowly and articulate. I bet Tiny agrees too.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Tiny thinks they should drink more and at least they woul dhave an excuse for not being understood. Thanks, Greg.

      Like

  10. I like Charles’s suggestion with the marshmallows. I’ll supply the chocolate and graham crackers.

    Like

  11. That Tiny really gets around, doesn’t he? Love how he cleverly shows up no matter which century or event is being celebrated. Now I’m hungering for s’mores — wonder why that is?!?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahahaha. s’mores would be good right now. Thanks, Debbie.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Tiny might be useful in any re-building. Since I just finished writing The Last Pilgrim. I would like to see what you might do with Ten Things Not To Do When Sailing on the Mayflower in 1620!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I did do the Top Ten Things not to do Landing at Plymouth Rock in December of 2018. Here is the link. Maybe you would like this one. https://johnwhowell.com/2018/12/10/top-ten-things-not-to-do-landing-at-plymouth-rock-in-1620/

      Liked by 1 person

  13. I guess it would not be a good time to say out loud, “I think Shakespeare’s wife actually wrote those plays!”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, that might be a problem, Darlene. Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Left on the doorstep at 21. Oh, the tragedy.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know right? Poor baby never go over it. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  15. D.L. Finn, Author · · Reply

    Great list, John. I knew of the theater but not a lot of its history.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It was quite a structure for it’s day. Thanks, Denise.

      Liked by 1 person

  16. Another wonderful history lesson, John. I didn’t know how the fire started. I love learning new things and laughing at the same time. Kudos! 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Soooz. That is the way to roll for sure..

      Liked by 1 person

      1. πŸ‘

        Liked by 1 person

  17. Gwen M. Plano · · Reply

    Another wonderful list, John. I never knew the history of the Globe Theatre, and this is a great way to find out. I’m only familiar with the Old Globe Theater in San Diego, where I’ve watched many Shakespearian plays. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Always a pleasure to bring new information into a post. Thanks for the comment, Gwen.

      Like

  18. Reblogged this on Author Don Massenzio and commented:
    John Howell is back with another great top ten list from his Fiction Favorites blog. This one is the TOP TEN THINGS NOT TO DO WHEN THE GLOBE THEATER BURNS DOWN IN 1613

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for the share, Don

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome.

        Liked by 1 person

  19. I cracked up at Tiny being left on the doorstep at 21. Great Top Ten, John.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. 😁 I’m glad you liked it.

      Liked by 1 person

  20. Wow, John! This one is going WAY back in history. Fascinating stuff! And great advice, by the way. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sometimes it is good to reflect. I learned not to fire a cannon in a place with a thatched roof. (That information might come in handy someday. 😁)

      Liked by 1 person

  21. It’s so funny to see where your imagination takes you each time, John! I think you could be writing screenplays for historical comedies!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Luanne. That would be fun for sure.

      Like

  22. Whatever you do, don’t start quoting that line about “Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn, and caldron bubble.” The arson investigators might get curious.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha ha ha. Thanks, Linda. 😁

      Like

  23. Don’t get me started on Puritans.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes. I understand.

      Like

  24. Poor Tiny, left on the doorstep at the tender age of 21.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know right?

      Liked by 1 person

  25. Sorry I’m late… I’m just now catching up on my inbox!
    A den of sin, eh? Those bloody Puritans…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know right? After 1642 The Glob never reopened unti the 1970 when a reproduction was built.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Jeez louise!!

        Like

  26. Shame of it is, those peeps who took in one of his productions had no idea what a bargain it was! Man, if I could go back in time . . .

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes. You coud see a show fro the price of a loaf of bread.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ridiculous.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. But hey, maybe in a past life, I paid that loaf of bread to watch a Bard production. So there’s that.

        Like

Put your favorite fiction or non-fiction in writing. I would love to hear from you

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: