Top Ten Things Not to Do on the First Around the World Solo flight with Wiley Post in 1933

 

Top Ten Things not to do

“Winnie Mae” a Lockheed Vega aircraft of Wiley Post, in Steven F. Udvar-Hazy Center. By Jarek Tuszyński / CC-BY-SA & GDFL, CC BY-SA 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=3658502

This week marks the 87th anniversary of Wiley Post’s solo flight around the world, which he accomplished in 1933. We all would love to be with him on the plane. There is one problem in that If we join him on the flight it would not be a solo for him. I think we can work out something where time travelers don’t count as real people. (Oh, come on. Work with me here.) If you want to go, you need to take a list of things not to do so that we don’t put a big ole rip in the time continuum.

Top Ten Things Not to Do on the First Around the World Solo flight with Wiley Post by John W. Howell © 2020

10. If you are going on the flight, do not ask if we are there yet. If you do, at best, Wiley will be too busy to hear you. At worst, since you said it just after take-off, Wiley is going to let you test the spare parachute. (I think it would have been good to wait a little linger, Lyonia. After all, the flight lasted 7 days, 18 hours, and 49 minutes. Yeah, that strap goes between your legs. No, I don’t know what you yell, going out the door.)

9 If you are going on the flight, do not ignore Tiny the WWF champ when he tells you your suitcase is too heavy. If you do, at best, Tiny will get distracted. At worst, Tiny will figure out a way to lighten it for you. (You see, Lysander, Tiny is in charge of loading the plane, and he is not used to being ignored. Oh, look. He has dumped your suitcase on the tarmac. You sure that is your suitcase. Those are pretty fancy unmentionables you have there.)

8 If you are going on the flight, do not ask when the beverage service starts. If you do, at best, the noise of the aircraft will effectively mute you. At worst, Wiley will offer that you test the guest parachute, but unfortunately, it has already been tested by Lyonia. (This presents a problem, Liam. I think I would tell Mr. Post that you are okay for now. Might be more comfortable than learning to skydive with no chute.)

7 If you are going on the flight, do not ask where the first-class section is located. If you do, at best, Wiley will think you are joking. At worst, when he discovers you are not, he will make you a private first-class section in the back. (Don’t look now, Lucas, but you are sitting in what used to be called the mailbag section. I agree it is not very comfortable. Too bad you can’t stand up either.)

6 If you are going on the flight, do not touch anything in the cockpit. If you do, at best, it won’t be essential. At worst, you just shut off the Sperry autopilot device. (I would tell Wiley, Levi. Yeah, he’s going to be mad at you, but that will be better than getting lost over Russia.)

5 If you are going on the flight, do not make fun of the plane’s name Winnie Mae. If you do, at best, Wiley will be on the radio and not hear you. At worst, he’ll explain that the plane was named after his first mentor’s daughter. (Now you have a choice, Leo. Give a big ole apology or take a big ole step into the atmosphere. I thought you would choose the former.)

4 If you are going on the flight, do not pretend you know how to speak Russian. If you do, at best, there will be no need for an interpretation. At worst, the autopilot will need repair, and the only place to stop is Russia. (What are you going to do now, Lawrence? The instrument needs repair, and everyone is looking at you for directions. I think it might be time to hit the way back button. Those Russian soldiers don’t have much of a sense of humor.)

3 If you are going on the flight, do not ask Wiley Post about his eyepatch. If you do, at best, he will ignore you. At worst, he tells you the story of how he lost his eye in great detail. (Hold on Lorenzo. Wiley is getting to the exciting part where a piece of drilling equipment took his eye in 1926. I know it is a little gruesome, but you had to ask.)

2 If you are going on the flight, do not bring up Wiley’s career as an armed robber. If you do, at best, he will want to laugh it off. At worst, he’ll tell you the story. ( You’ve heard the expression, “If I tell you then I’ll have to kill you?” Lance.  Well, Wiley did 12 months for stealing a car in 1921. He does have a murderous look in his eye.)

1 If you are going on the flight, do not ask Wiley how many award miles you will get for the trip. If you do, at best he will not understand you. At worst, he will tell you that you will have earned enough miles to win a Bentley Turbo. (You have to wonder why he keeps laughing, Larry. I think you may be the butt of a Wiley flying solo 1933 joke.)

56 comments

  1. Good point on it not being a solo flight if we join him. Especially if we all go.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. We have to take some literary license here. Thanks, Charles.

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  2. You are in rare form with this one, John! Too funny! Happy Monday!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Jill. I tried to have fun with it. There history posts can be a lot of work sometimes. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  3. No points? His go I upgrade out of the mail bag hold? I’m laughing, John. Trying not to take the big step.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. ‘How do I’ not ‘his go’ – stupid phone 😡

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Easy. You take three trips with Wiley and you get an upgrade. Just avoid the one to Alaska with Will Rogers. That didn’t turn out too well.

        Liked by 1 person

    2. You have to watch that first step for sure. Thanks, Dan. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Really enjoyed that, thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for the visit and comment. 😁

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  5. Gwen M. Plano · ·

    Crazy funny, John. “Unmentionables?” Now you’ve got readers imagining all sorts of things. LOL.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well I guess I could have mentioned them but still we need to keep the facade that this is a family oriented blog. Glad you enjoyed it, Gwen. Thanks for letting me know. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  6. We went out the door so many times I thought we were flying with Wile E. Coyote, not Wiley Post.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahahha. So true. Come to think of it the parachute was from Acme Umbrella Company.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Another fascinating slice of history! Thanks for sharing, John and great advice!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Jan.

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  8. Wow, the past 87 years certainly have been momentous, haven’t they? From soloing around the world in that puddle-jumper to landing on the moon and living in space?? Amazing technological feats, I’d say.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It seems we have come a long way and then in other respects we are regressing into the dark ages. Thanks, Debbie.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I wouldn’t want to ruin his solo flight, so I’d wave to him from the tarmac. Wonder how he felt about the Wright Brothers since, they were 30 years ahead of him in 1903.

    And I kinda like that he had some larceny in his blood, cause ya never know when you may need to crack open a safe.

    Where you find these tales, I DO NOT KNOW.

    But, they sure are fun.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, Wiley was a character for sure. I’m glad you enjoy my silliness. Thanks, Susannah. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

      1. What’s better than silliness. Oreos maybe.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oreos with milk is so much better than silliness.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. But put them together and the police may have to come break it up. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      4. The original antifa crowd. 😁

        Liked by 1 person

  10. Number 4 is the Top, dear John! 🙂 🙂 🙂 Great!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Maria.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. That is a beauty of a plane, Boss. But yeah, I’m sure the leg room is shit for, LOL.

    And you had me thinking of a classic Seinfeld episode with Number 4- the one where George pretends to be a marine biologist and then is called upon to help save a beached whale. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I remember that one. So funny.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. No points or baggage? That’s a flight I don’t mind missing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahahaha. I don’t blame you, Deborah.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. What a beautiful plane… And solo, yeah, I know, we are time-travellers and won’t be written into history. I’ll give you LOTS of leeway on this 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for the leeway, Dale.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I can be generous like that…

        Liked by 1 person

  14. If you’re going on the flight, do not ask about the mile high club 😏

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Especially if you and Wiley Post are the only ones on the flight. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

      1. My point exactly – poor Wiley!!

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      2. Poor Wiley? What about poor you?

        Liked by 1 person

      3. All depends if he was a looker in his day really 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  15. What’s really odd is that the name ‘Wiley Post’ is so familiar to me, but I couldn’t have told you one thing about him. I probably would have said he was famous for being related to Marjorie Merriweather Post, but no such luck — no connection. I guess I’ll just have to remember him for his flight and his eyepatch.

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    1. He was like a rock star in the 30s. When he and Will Rogers were killed together it was devastating news. Thanks, Linda.

      Liked by 1 person

  16. Reblogged this on Author Don Massenzio and commented:
    It’s time for another top ten list from John Howell via his Fiction Favorites blog. This one is the TOP TEN THINGS NOT TO DO ON THE FIRST AROUND THE WORLD SOLO FLIGHT WITH WILEY POST IN 1933

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Don

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome

        Liked by 1 person

  17. I love this, John! Do you laugh as hard when you’re writing, as readers do when they’re reading? I hope so.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes I do laugh, Jennie. Thank you. I’m alsway happy to hear te stuff I laugh at is good stock for you as well. 😊

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  18. Never knew about Wiley’s criminal past. And speaking of parachutes, did you know that in the early years of commercial aviation, passengers were given parachutes? If a plane got into trouble, the little old lady in the seat next to you was expected to don her parachute along with the rest of the passengers and jump out into thin air. No training, no nothing. Wow!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The vision of the old lady hitting the silk brought a laugh. No I did not know that piece of history. Thanks, Andrew.

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  19. I don’t think I’d want to try out one of those parachutes, I promise to behave. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Good to behave. Thanks, Mark

      Liked by 1 person

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