Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Founding of Harvard College in 1636

~ John W. Howell
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This was the weekend that we moved daughter into her new house. With all the work I did not have time to do an adequate job of a Top Ten Post. This post ran on October 29th, 2018. I hope if you missed it you will enjoy it. For those who have seen this one, next week will be better. Also, I’m over at Story Empire today talking about burnout. Here is the LINK

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This post continues the Top Ten Things Not to Do with history as a backdrop. Harvard College, the oldest institution of higher learning in the United States, is founded in Cambridge, Mass on this day in 1636.

The Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Founding of Harvard College in 1636.

10 If you are at the founding of Harvard, do not suggest a celebration with a kegger party. If you do, at best the kegger store will be closed. At worst, the administration will create a rule against keggers. (Congratulations, Fyodor. You are the first student at the college to be put on probation.)

9 If you are at the founding of Harvard, do not pledge a fraternity where Tiny the WWF champ is a member. If you do, at best Tiny will flunk out before you get there. At worst, Tiny who was just criticized by the dean for necessary hazing had ordered you to bend over. (Let’s hope the dean lecture has not made Tiny even angrier, Frederick. Is that paddle as big as it looks?)

8 If you are at the founding of Harvard, do not organize a demonstration protesting the dorm food. If you do, at best no one will join you. At worst, the college put you in charge of food procurement. (Looks like your fellow students are getting tired of squirrel stew, Falcon. I think I would try to raise a few vegetables if I were you.)

7 If you are at the founding of Harvard, do not cut class on the first warm day. If you do, at best you can get notes from the nerd, At worst, your professor will pull a pop quiz that is 20% of the term grade. (No amount of begging is going to help, Fallon. I would go to the infirmary and see if you can con someone into an excuse.)

6 If you are at the founding of Harvard, do not try to organize a football team. If you do, at best no one will know what you are talking about. At worst, you’ll find some players who are ready to play but can’t see a ball. (Looks like you will have to make one, Fraser. Try to get it a little rounder okay. That thing looks like a fat sausage.)

5 If you are at the founding of Harvard, do not go outside wearing that Yale sweatshirt. If you do, at best no one will notice since Yale was founded in 1701. At worst, someone will take offense thinking Yale is an acronym for Young American Liquor Enterprise. (You have to understand the Puritan Ethic is still pretty strong, Fiorello. The time in the stocks will go fast. Think positive.)

4 If you are at the founding of Harvard, do not fail to return your library book on time. If you do, at best the fine is only 1p a week. At worst, a press-gang will come looking for you. (It would have been easier to return the book, Ferril. Now you won’t get back to the College until your sea duty is over. Five years will go pretty quickly.)

3 If you are at the founding of Harvard, do not try to organize the first co-ed dance. If you do, at best your fellow students will just laugh. At worst the administration will pass a rule prohibiting co-ed dancing. (Good luck finding a co-ed, Fabrice. The first sex-blind admissions were not until 1977. Oh, and you need to serve time on the dunking chair due to the rule violation. I hope those hold your breath contests come in handy.)

2  If you are at the founding of Harvard, do not park your horse in the faculty parking lot. If you do, at best no one will need the space. At worst, professor Curmudgeon will alert campus security to shoot you on sight. (Never thought taking a tenured professor’s parking place was that big of a deal, huh Faddei. Those musket balls look like they would hurt.)

1 If you are at the founding of Harvard, do not buy your books ahead of time at the used bookstore. If you do, at best you might save money. At worst, the professor will change the course text with no notice. (Well, looks like your used books will make an excellent fire starter, Fadil. Better luck next term)

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Published by John W. Howell

I have been working in business for over forty years and now have the time to work in special areas of interest. My passion has always been to create compelling stories of fiction. I have authored six novels and am working on my Seventh. The first novel is still in manuscript form and being utilized as a door stop in the laundry room. The second is a contemporary fiction novel of 89,000 words and is complete and I am currently seeking a publisher. I also write poetry but have not had the guts to share any with anyone. The one time I read a piece to a person their only comment was, “it doesn’t rhyme.” I will continue to write and hopefully my blog, Fiction Favorites at www.johnwhowell.com will provide some entertainment and an interesting thought or two. I live in the Austin area with my wife Molly and an assortment of loving pets.

59 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Founding of Harvard College in 1636”

      1. Thanks Susannah. She is delighted to have her own home. Since it is new construction everything didn’t go like clockwork but in the end it all managed to come together. It was so nice to see her so happy.

        Liked by 1 person

        2. You pegged it. When she was two I convinced my wife to give her anything she asked for. She has always been a source of pride. Equestrian (1.5 meter competative jumper), student athlete, and now a manager with a top investment firm. I never had cause to regret the decesion.

          Liked by 1 person

        4. So true. We all enjoyed the experience. Her last horse’s name was Calvin and the two of them were a team for sure. Of course, my heart was always in my throat seeing a 1500 pound animal carrying a 95 pound treasure over a five foot fence 10 times during an event. In 18 years of riding she only had one spill and that was when she was six. She could ride anything.

          Liked by 1 person

        7. When I read a writer like her, I feel almost ashamed at my own feeble prose. Her descriptions that are spare yet vivid inspire and intimidate like a fruit that’s both sour and sweet. I know what a reader you are, so you’ll understand my feelings.

          Liked by 2 people

  2. Squirrel stew?? 😂 I’m glad you reposted this, John, because I missed it the first time. Congrats to your daughter on her new home. Now it’s time for you and your lovely producer to rest, share a glass of wine, and toast to a new beginning.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I did go the first time, but I wore my WVU shirt. Of course, West Virginia wasn’t a state/colony. Tiny took exception to the suggestion. This time, I’m going to dress drab and stay quiet.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Y’all are good parents, John — glad to hear your daughter’s nicely settled in her new digs! I remember reading this before, but it’s still interesting. And I’d forgotten about #3!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I never read this so it’s new to me. I love these, as you know.

    One of my most exciting moments was being a guest at the Harvard Club seeing the stuffed elk? Teddy shot that hangs majestically. Love the lore.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. This is such an entertaining history lesson, John. I’m so pleased that the move went smoothly,
    It’s an exciting time moving into that first home. Now its time to recover. 🍷

    Liked by 1 person

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