Top Ten Things Not to Do Reaching the South Pole for the First Time with Roald Amundsen in 1911

~ John W. Howell
Amundsen Party, 1911. Photo by unidentified

This week marks the 109th anniversary of explorer Roald Amundsen’s successful mission to be the first to reach the South Pole. Although it might be a might chilly, we should go there and experience what it is like. Let’s be sure to  take a list of the things not to do to prevent a tear in the time continuum. We will be toasty in James’s Oldsmobile on the way there. I would dress warmly since it is fifteen below zero F (-26.1 C) right now.

James Wainwright’s 1956 Oldsmobile from Eternal Road – The final stop. You should read this one on Amazon. Just click the car to go there. Hurry back.

Top Ten Things Not to Do Reaching the South Pole for the First Time with Roald Amundsen in 1911

10 If you go, do not mention Robert Peary’s expedition to the North Pole in 1909. If you do, at best, no one cared. At worst, you mentioned it to Roald Amundsen himself. (I guess no one filled you in, Marcel. Roald was all set to take off for the North Pole when Peary beat him to it. That’s why he went to the South Pole. I don’t know if it means anything, but he’s asking you to get out of the dog sled and walk.)

9 If you go, do not try to move into Tiny the WWF champ’s tent. If you do, at best, Tiny won’t be there. At worst, Tiny, who has skipped his last few court-mandated group sessions on anger management, thinks you are taking his property. (Don’t worry about the landing this time, Matthias. The snow is fresh and quite soft this time of year.)

8 If you go, do not suggest to Roald that you think power sledges would be better than sled dog arrangements. If you do, at best, he will be busy and not hear you. At worst, he will think your suggestion is meant to sabotage the expedition. (He heard that Robert F. Scott, his competitor, was using Siberian motor sledges, Siberian ponies, and dogs. Of course, he would have no way of knowing that Scott failed. He now thinks you are a spy, Myles.)

7 If you go, Do not make jokes about yellow snow. If you do, at best, your fellow explorers have already heard them. At worse, Roald will overhear you. (now you’ve done it, Montgomery. Roald now thinks you are an idiot. I hope he doesn’t ask where you came from.)

6 If you go, do not ask how much the expedition cost. If you do, at best, no one will know. At worse, you’ll ask Roald Amundsen. ( the problem is, Murray Roald had to mortgage his house to make up the expense shortfall.  He is totally in debt and is not happy with the question. Quick, ask him about his birthday.)

5 If you go, do not question what you are eating. If you do, at best, everyone will avoid the question. At worse, the cook will explain exactly what you are eating. (Due to the scarcity of protein, Marcelo. You are eating meat from the weakest dog. Yes, it had to be done, and don’t make a fuss about your Keto diet doesn’t include dog meat.)

4 If you go, do not ask about the earlier expedition in September. If you do, at best, everyone will walk away. At worst, you’ll ask Amundsen. ( Well, Marlon, this is a sore spot with Amundsen. It seems against the advice of his fellow explorers, he started out for the Pole too early. The September temperatures almost did the party in. They were lucky to get back to their base camp. Being a proud man, Amundsen doesn’t like to be reminded of his failures. He now wonders what to do with you.)

3 If you go, do not ask anyone to repeat the dark mirage story. If you do, at best, you’ll get no takers. At worst, Amundsen catches wind of your inquiry. (Around December 12th, 1911, Mickey the group spied what appeared to be a dark object on the horizon. They were all concerned until it was discovered to be their own dog droppings magnified by a mirage. Amundsen is warning you to forget the story. He’s the boss.)

2 If you go, do nor ask if the men are certain of the location of the South Pole. If you do, at best, you’ll get a yes. At worst, you will also face the ire of Amundsen. (You see, Marten,  Amundsen spent three days calculation the location of the pole. He is most certain. He now wants you to step outside with ut your coat. You don’t want to do that.)

1 If you go, do not ask the fate of second-place finisher, Robert F. Scott. At best, no one will know. At worst, you might be tempted to spill the beans. (Of course, you know, Makoto that Scott reached the South Pole on January 17th, more than a month after Amundsen. You also know Scott, and his party died on the way back to their base camp after reaching the Pole. If you don’t ask, you won’t be tempted to cause a tear in the time continuum.)

90 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do Reaching the South Pole for the First Time with Roald Amundsen in 1911”

  3. On a similar note, at an IT seminar I attended some years ago, the keynote ‘motivational’ address was given by Sir Ranulph Fiennes. I had the honour of shaking his hand afterwards and received a complementary signed copy of his book Mind Over Matter: Epic Crossing of the Antarctic Continent.
    Now, six house-moves later, if only I could find it…

    Liked by 5 people

  5. Do you know that I’m born and raised in Roald Amundsen’s hometown, Fredrikstad? He’s my hero! 🙂
    I have been to the Polar Museum in Cambridge on several occasions, it’s worth a visit.
    Happy Monday! 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  13. Crazy, amazing “Top Ten…” One of my sons is a very adventuresome type and would love such a trip. I, on the other hand, need modern conveniences. Does it count that I enjoy watching these feats on National Geographic or other channels? 😃

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  19. Was the igloo building contest dropped from the celebratory festivities ? Back in the day – before global warming the Boy Scouts used to have an event called Camp Alaska. It involved hiking deep into the camp, away from cars and cabins and pitching a tent or other emergency shelter and spending 24 hours in the elements. Not quite the same. Similar enough except with out the dog meat. Does SPAM count ?

    Liked by 2 people

      1. The smart plan on their part. Yes canned mystery meat would have been a luxury. I know it was at camp Alaska. Good one John. PS – SPAM is starting to look like a luxury as opposed to leaving the house.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. The history reads like an adventure thriller for sure. So many things went wrong for Scott. Amundsen’s team turned against him and so he only allowed five to accompany him to the pole. Armudsen left a tent and a note for Scott. He was criticized for not waiting for Scott to help him get back. Of course Amundsen had no idea when Scott would arrive. (Scott and three of his team died 11 miles from their base camp upon returning from the Pole. The fourth member simply wandered away from the other three and died a few days earlier.) High adventure indeed. BTW Teddy Roosevelt sent Amundsen a hearty congratulations.

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        5. I also like the alliteration of the title Hysterical Historian. Another t-shirt opportunity. 😊 We could throw the word Happy on the front and go overboard. Nah, let’s leave it the way you wrote it.

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    1. Which reminds me of an old joke. Nixon looks out after a snow and sees written in the snow in urine “Nixon Sucks,” The secret service do an exhaustive investigation. “Sir,” the agent says, “We have run tests and can confirm the urine is Kissinger’s. “Well let’s arrest him,” says Nixion. “Before you do that you should know, the handwriting is Pats.”

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  22. I can’t help but wonder if after they reached the South Pole, Roald just threw up his arms and said, “Okay, well, I guess that’s a wrap folks. Time to head home.” Perhaps one of the whinier members of his crew said, “Seriously? This is it?”

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