Top Ten Things Not to do at a School Reunion

~ John W. Howell
Unsplash photo by Baim Hanif

 

This post was originally run on July 6th, 2015. Since several reunions are going on this summer, I thought you would enjoy it again.

 

Top Ten Things Not to do at a School Reunion

10 If you attend a school reunion, do not pose for photos that you don’t know where they will be published. If you do at best, the photos will only be traded among classmates. At worst, they will end up on the “what the not to wear, eat, or drink” website. (Which will go viral, and you’ll be getting calls from the Today show to appear on their segment called EXCESS)

9 If you attend a school reunion, do not pretend to be what you are not. If you do, at best, your little fib will be seen as a joke. At worst, your profile on the class newsletter will be featured under the title Most Successful Grad. (Which will be picked up by the news services and published by your hometown newspaper. It does make your job cooking fast food burgers seem more important, though.)

8 If you attend a school reunion, do not bring a date that you do not know simply because they are beautiful. If you do, at best, your charade will be found out early with no consequences. At worst, your date will discover the true reason you brought them and make an exit and a scene remembered for the next five reunions. (Only you passing away will halt the storytelling)

7 If you attend a school reunion, do not rent an expensive car for your grand entrance. If you do, at best, you will look overly anxious to impress and get the opposite reaction. At worst, the valet will take your rental car for a spin and inadvertently leave the side chrome on the street, fleeing a hit-and-run accident. (Which you will easily be able to explain to the judge)

6 If you attend a school reunion, do not try to hide the fact that you don’t remember everyone’s name. If you do, at best, you will look like a fool trying to check name tags without being caught. At worst, you will call someone by a different name, and the name will be associated by that person to an old flame or rival. (You will have a bunch of points on that one)

5 If you attend a school reunion, do not take this time to argue fine points about your grades with your old teachers. If you do, at best, the teachers will wish they had flunked you. At worst, one of them may remember you failed to turn in that assignment in the eleventh grade that will require you to repeat the course and nullify your high school diploma. (Try explaining that to your boss)

4 If you attend a school reunion, do not think your old flame wants to begin where you left off just by smiling at you. If you do, at best, you will be embarrassed to learn they are happily married. At worst, you will be a little too forward thinking all is forgiven. The icing on the cake will be you arrested as you leave the building for assault. ( Gotta remember no means no)

3 If you attend a school reunion, do not assume the free drinks at the bar carry no consequences. If you do, at best, you may exhibit a little tipsiness that everyone will think is cute. At worst, you will have the honor and resulting infamy of passing out on top of the Congratulations Class cake. (The clothes you’re wearing belong to your roommate as well.)

2 If you go to a school reunion, do not offer to be part of the planning committee for the next one. If you do, at best everyone will forget your offer. At worst, you will be appointed chairperson with all the rights and responsibilities to make the next one the best ever. (You will also want to get a Xanax prescription)

1 If you go to a school reunion, do not tell everyone you meet that “we must get together.” If you do at best, they will all wonder if you are having a breakdown. At worst, the ones you least want to see will stay in touch long enough to cop a free overnight on their way through your town. (Plus, they have some kind of foot infection that requires you to burn your sheets when they leave)

95 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to do at a School Reunion”

  1. Dear John,
    fortunately I never went to a school reunion. But if I would go, actually, I was invited to one a week ago, I know what not to do. Thanks a lot.
    Wishing you a happy week
    Klausbernd
    The Fab Four of Cley
    🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. All great. Also, don´t ask when the baby is due when you meet the girl who used to be very skinny. The cold look you get with the comment, “I´m not expecting.” could kill. OOPs.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. The only high school reunion I attended had the food catered by “Ralph’s” and served penitentiary cafeteria style. The food was so bad, my husband refused to eat it. I ate a Grand Union dinner roll to be polite. We got to sit with Franklin County porno shop entreprenuer Frank. His claim to fame in high school was being the biggest smarta** in the school. Ah, memories, pressed between the pages of my mind . . .

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Ha ha, good one! There is a picture of him featured in the yearbook sitting on his textbooks on the floor. He has a Bic pen sticking out of his mouth, and he’s giving the thumbs-down sign.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m fully behind #1. And as to #3, I didn’t know they had free drinks at those things or I’ve would have gone to a few. Even if I hadn’t attended that particular school.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Great idea. I would love to attend a reunion at a school I never attended just to see how many people I could get to say they remembered me. Thanks, Andrew.

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  5. John, I’ve never gone to a class reunion. If I do, I’d go as a famous author but my charade would quickly be uncovered when they learned I have fewer followers than fingers. Another enjoyable post. #6 would be me.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I do love class reunions. Matter of fact, this year marks our 40th. I so much wanted to get something going….
    And yeah, I’m pretty sure all of the numbers on your list have been broken by different persons 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Our class never had a reunion, but I went with hubby to his and spent a miserable evening at a table with other spouses. If our class ever had one, I’d never make him go, lol.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. You got me at number one since, pictures of yore are just plain scary. My hair in high school was so big and thick Cousin It had a zip next to me. It was in to have big hair so to see a photo from back then could easily make me cry. I remember using a lot of Tame Creme Rinse that made me smell like a Poodle. I’m glad I changed my name and moved away, no invite forth coming. 🙂

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  15. Great list, John. I’ve never been to a class reunion, but my excuse is that I moved away from the area when I was 18 and when I visit, it’s to see family. Thank you for the morning smiles. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Not a fan of school reunions, John. I attended one, just to see what all the to-do was about, and realized I’d rather remember folks the way they were rather than the “old” people who showed up. Hm, maybe I got the wrong party or something?!!

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  26. I think I already commented somewhere how much I enjoyed this. Not only is it funny, it’s appropriate. I’m going to my high school reunion (7 hours from my home – and haven’t been to one in 40 years) in early October!!

    Liked by 1 person

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