Top Ten Things Not to do During a Storm

~ John W. Howell
Photo by Henrieke Fischer on Unsplash

 

This post originally ran on October 26th, 2015. Since we all have been through some storms this year, I thought it would still provide a chuckle.

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The inspiration for this list is a recent three-day storm here in Texas. Although I had enough sense not to do these things, they did come to mind as I was going through various circumstances.

Top Ten Things Not to do During a Storm

10 If you are in a storm, do not decide to drive around to check out the damage. If you do, at best, you may find yourself stranded by high water. At worst, you might be trying to explain to the grumpy-looking national guardsman why you didn’t heed the warnings to stay inside. (You have to wonder if that rifle has real bullets)

9 If you are in a storm, do not call the electric company to report a power outage. If you do, at best, you will be on hold for hours. At worst, you will be reminded that the entire grid is down and then asked some embarrassing questions designed to point out that it is dark all around you. (Never thought to look out the window, huh?)

8 If you are in a storm, do not rush your grocery store for a month’s worth of food and water. If you do, at best, you will be in the company of your hysterical neighbors. At worst, you will find yourself in a primal fight over a roll of toilet tissue with Shultz, the county cow tossing champion. (And you almost wrestled it away before you blacked out)

7 If you are in a storm, do not ignore the weather warnings. If you do, at best, you might be surprised at how fast things come at you. At worst, you might be challenged to swim for safety with only a duckie ring as a flotation device. (And you read on the duckie that it is not to be used as a flotation device. What’s that hissing sound?)

6 If you are in a storm, do not try to move through the darkened house without a flashlight. If you do, at best, your shins will take a beating on the furniture. At worst, that candle you lit will somehow fall into the pile of newspapers you left in the living room last night. (And guess how long it will take the fire department to reach you?)

5 If you are in a storm, do not keep driving in the heavy rain. If you do, at best, you will stress out to the maximum. At worst, your car might be invisible to that giant 18 wheeler behind you with the devil himself at the wheel. (It must be the devil given the recklessness of the driving)

4 If you are in a storm, do not think all your emergency gear takes the place of common sense. If you do, at best, the gear may not fully perform. At worst, you will think you will be able to ride out the storm only to change your mind two minutes after it is too late. (Don’t worry about trying to Google it. That wall of water is called a Tsunami)

3 If you are in a storm, do not think you need to go outside to fix something in the middle of wind and downpour. If you do, at best you will get very wet. At worst, you could find yourself being carried away in the company of your neighbor’s swing set. (You might be able to turn around in a mile or so.)

2 If you are in a storm, do not think a quick dash to the mailbox doesn’t require wet weather outer gear. If you do, at best, you will need a bath and hot cocoa to thaw out. At worst, the chill you received on the jaunt turns into something that keeps you in bed for a week. (And what you are doing cannot be remotely described as enjoying yourself.)

1 If you are in a storm, do not think you have to brave the elements to get to work. If you do, at best, you will show up, and no one else will be there. At worst, you will have battled the storm for hours, and once you get there, all questions about your judgment skills will be answered. (And you thought you were indispensable)

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Published by John W. Howell

I have been working in business for over forty years and now have the time to work in special areas of interest. My passion has always been to create compelling stories of fiction. I have authored six novels and am working on my Seventh. The first novel is still in manuscript form and being utilized as a door stop in the laundry room. The second is a contemporary fiction novel of 89,000 words and is complete and I am currently seeking a publisher. I also write poetry but have not had the guts to share any with anyone. The one time I read a piece to a person their only comment was, “it doesn’t rhyme.” I will continue to write and hopefully my blog, Fiction Favorites at www.johnwhowell.com will provide some entertainment and an interesting thought or two. I live in the Austin area with my wife Molly and an assortment of loving pets.

105 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to do During a Storm”

  7. Can I modify #1 and send it to my old boss? Do not call a staff meeting and require all hands on deck… I was able to get out of going after slipping on the ice and falling down a short flight of stairs.

    Great list John. As winter is approaching, I should start counting violations in our area. There are always several, especially numbers 10, 8 and 3.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. It’s a great list. Unfortunately, I ended up breaking #5 on Saturday night, and it wasn’t at all enjoyable. Clearly, the highway department thinks striping the sides and center of the roads isn’t important, or white paint isn’t in their budget.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I think we all have done that. I remember going to work in a snowstorm and running into a twelve foot drift that was across the road. The car was there for three days. Lucky for me a farmer saw me go by and got his frontloader to at least dig enough so I could open the door and get out. His question put everything into perspective. “What’s so important?”

      Liked by 2 people

  11. There have been close calls with some of your points, LOL, but #1 happened. During a hurricane in CT, I was part of the team traveling with an emergency crew down to the beach to rescue students. The truck could withstand about anything, so I was safe, but it was a surreal experience.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I could write a version of this for life in Alaska! I graduated from Tech school in December at Shepard AFB and the day we were to fly home for our first leave all the planes were grounded due to an ice storm. Texas weather!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. NC is populated by idiots who do all the things you said not to! Especially getting out and driving around – it’s amazing! We watch the weather and just make sure we have the basics (which everyone mostly has anyway).

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Lol these are great! Can I add one from the gardener’s personal experience? Do not go in the wash to open the gate when the water level is rising rapidly unless you have two police officers helping you. (luckily he did)

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Still good advice, John, and yes, we’ve had way more than our usual rain totals. Nos. 7, 8, and 10 nearly always take place when a hurricane approaches, despite the warnings. And I had to giggle at No. 6 — moving through a dark house a few years ago was a nightmare-waiting-to-happen because of the Domer’s Legos, ha!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I hate to tell you this, but Tiny’s been moonlighting over at the Dortmunder series by Donald E. Westlake. He’s in all the books except the first few. And he was so sure of himself he didn’t even use an alias. He’s known as Tiny … and he’s your guy!
        As a side note: I laugh out loud about every three or four years. And then only once. These books break me out laughing all the time.

        Liked by 1 person

  28. This one hits home, John. #10—for sure! I remember when we’ve had tsunami warnings around here, and people go down near the water to check out the waves. Didn’t anyone tell them a tsunami can travel over 500 mph? 👀

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Pingback: Smorgasbord Blogger Daily – Tuesday 26th October 2021 – #Reviews James J. Cudney, Colleen Chesebro, D.G. Kaye, #Story Elizabeth Gauffreau, #Storms John W. Howell. | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

      1. It is something. It’s knocked over our big outdoor grill three times since we’ve lived here. It’s now really heavily weighted down. Neighbors have their outdoor furniture anchored to fences with tie downs, and straps. It’s a pretty incredible wind. Twain’s take on it is pretty accurate and funny.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I do too. I fought for about six years for work at home privileges. Always the same answer. “Too vital to be missing.” I did let my folks have one day a week though. If caught it would have been the guillotine.

          Liked by 1 person

  35. 🤣 Most of these have been attempted at one time or another by people I know. The end results were uncannily like your predictions!

    Liked by 1 person

  37. Shultz the cow tossing champion (see, I can’t even type this without laughing) and the devil driving the 18 wheeler… how do you write this without laughing for hours?

    Liked by 1 person

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