This post was originally run on December 14th, 2014. I think the advice is still good and I hope you enjoy it.
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The inspiration for this list was a discussion between The Producer and me about how kids can light the parental upset fuse by a simple question. We both have asked some and have been asked some.
Top Ten Things You Never Should Have Asked Your Mother
10 You should never have asked your mother, “What meatloaf again?” If you did, at best, you got a cold stare and shoulder. At worst, you were invited to partake of food at the neighbor’s house. (The look told you she meant it but also, you better not.)
9 You should never have asked your mother on her birthday, “How old are you now?” If you did, at best, you got a lecture on poor manners. At worst, you were witness to flying cake and a bedroom door slam that you still see in your nightmares. (The heat from the flaming candles should have been a clue to clam up)
8 You should never have asked your mother once your dad told you no. “Dad says to come and ask you for the car keys.” If you did, at best, you’ll get a response that confirms your dad’s opinion. At worst, you will have been solely responsible for the resultant three months of additional chores once the parental units caught up to your scheme. ( Good luck on ever seeing those keys)
7 You should never have asked your mother, “Don’t you think that dress is a little out of style.” If you did, at best, your mother will go change but not talk to you for the rest of the day. At worst, you will be subjected to a long lecture about all the things your mother gave up so that you could have the most up-to-date clothing. (She is probably right, you ungrateful dependent you)
6 You should never have asked your mother, “Can you and dad leave while my friends come over?” If you did, at best, you will get a firm “No” in response. At worst, you will be delighted to have your parents sitting in the same room where you and your friends are gathering. (Your worst nightmare has come true)
5 You should never have called your mother on April Fools Day asking, “Come bail me out of jail?” If you did, at best, a cold cloth applied by dad worked to revive her. At worst, the joke will have backfired to the point where your mom still thinks there was something behind it. (Not lovely to play high stakes jokes on your worried mom)
4 You should never have asked your mother to bake cupcakes for the soccer team the night before the event. If you did, at best, the cupcakes were made, but you owed your mom big time. At worst, the cakes were made, but you were so tired from helping you had the worst game ever. (Notice the cakes got made in each case?)
3 You should never have asked your mother to give you lunch money instead of packing a lunch since all the cool kids buy their lunch. If you did, at best, you got the money but also a discussion about proper nutrition and peer pressure. At worst, you didn’t get the money and now find your lunch consists of every food you can’t stand, including many fruits. (Mom’s way of telling you to quit trying to be part of the in-crowd.)
2 You should have never asked your mother to tell a fib about where you were when your stood-up date called to talk to you. If you did, at best, your mother simply hands the phone to you. At worst, your mother tells your date that you are not interested in talking. (The truth will ice that relationship. Won’t it?)
1 You should have never asked your mother to babysit your kids. If you did, at best, all had an excellent time. At worst, your mother doesn’t want to return them to you. ( A considerable risk for sure.)