Top Ten Things Not to do in Customer Service

~ John W. Howell
Image by Pixabay

 

This list was published on January 6th, 2015. It looks like nothing has changed in seven years, so I hope you enjoy it.

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This list was inspired by standing in line at Wal-Mart to return a screwdriver that broke. I know. Why would I buy a screwdriver at Wal-Mart? Long story. Let’s just say it was an emergency purchase that did not go well. I hope you enjoy the list.

Top Ten Things Not to do in Customer Service.

10 If you are next at the customer service desk, do not fall asleep. If you do, at best, you will get yelled at by the crowd. At worst, you will not hear the word “Next” and will be knocked off your feet by the person behind you. This could lead to a severe injury. ) Or even worse when you fall on your returns which are glass Christmas ornaments)

9 If you are at the customer service desk, have your receipt ready. If you don’t, at best, you will take precious time to find it causing your linemates to want to kill you with their bare hands. At worst, the time it takes to find the receipt will be multiplied exponentially for the last person in line. (You do raise the possibility that they might just pass away from old age before getting to the front of the line)

8 If you are in line at customer service, do not sigh loudly when the person in front of you does not have a receipt. If you do, at best, you may get some evil looks and bad words. At worst, the person in front of you will take exception to your sigh. (You may have to defend your audacity with real knuckles)

7 If you are at the customer service desk and have lost your receipt, do not try to talk the clerk into a refund. If you do, at best, you will waste your and everyone else’s time. At worst, you might just be in the presence of a classical professor from the local college. (He just might figure out how to have you towed by your feet around the city much like Achilles dragged Hector around Troy)

6 If you are in line at customer service, do not believe you will get to the desk quickly. If you do, at best, you will cause your blood pressure to rise. At worst, you will initiate internal tension that could culminate in a rampage through the store, undoubtedly leading to your arrest. ( If not mandatory treatment in the local state mental hospital )

5 If you plan to go to customer service, do not finish that Big 32 oz cup of soda before arriving. If you do, at best, you will be mildly uncomfortable as the line creeps along. At worst, you will have a full-out emergency and will be unsuccessful in having someone hold your place. (You now have a choice to lose your place in line or gross out the entire store )

4 If you are in the customer service line and feel faint, do not fall down and try to remain in place. If you do fall down, at best, you will lose your place in line. At worst, you will lie in the store unnoticed by store personnel until closing time. ( Of course, all the patrons who pass your comatose body will secretly be grateful to you for dropping out of line and making their wait shorter )

3 If you are at the end of the line at customer service, do not look to the front to figure out how long the wait will be. If you do, at best, you will calculate the delay to be more time than you thought. At worst, when you divide the amount of transaction time by the number of available hours, the result will be more hours than the store is open. (This will cause a feeling of panic, which has at its root the fact that you traveled fifteen miles out of your way getting here and you are supposed to be somewhere else )

2 If you finally get to the front of the line at customer service, do not try to explain anything to the clerk. If you do, at best, you will waste time by missing the critical questions on whether the item is damaged and would you like the refund in cash or on the card? At worst, you will tell the clerk enough to give away the fact that the item was a gift and that the receipt is actually a forgery that was produced by your uncle while currently serving time in the federal penitentiary for making phony hundred-dollar bills. (It is an excellent  forgery, though)

1 Once you have finished with the customer service clerk, do not take the time with idle chit-chat. If you do, at best, you will have the clerk yelling, “I can help the next customer here,” over your attempt to be friendly. At worst, you might just cause a swell behind you of those wanting you to move, which might lead to several older people being pushed down. (Those folks are incapable of getting up because their Life Alert is out of batteries, and they were in line for a rain check for the battery special, which now looks like it may expire too.)

I am at Story Empire today talking about goals. Go HERE if you are curious.

91 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to do in Customer Service”

  5. What a great, all too familiar, list. I feel really sorry for the customer service employees. All day long they deal with irritated customers. And though I try not to be one of those folks, it happens. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’ve had two returns recently one went really quick and easy and the other was a bit of hassle, but it wasn’t the clerks fault it was the computers! I find the computer or register are common issues nowadays. Once the clerk got the computer to listen/understand it printed the return label and Bob was my Uncle! Still that’s 15 minutes of our lives neither the clerk or I will get back.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. The Producer took back a garage toolrack that wouldn’t hold the tools. In order to install it I had to take off all the packaging which was all shrink wrap so of course it was destroyed. The clerk said they don’t take back anything not in original packaging. The Producer said softly, “Call the manager.” The clerk made an instantaneous refund. Maybe it was policy to offer first line resistance and then if the customer pushes back refund the purchase. It does leave a bad taste though especially if the product doesn’t work. Thanks, Deborah.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I always love those folks who seem to have forgotten what they were in line to do. It’s the same person who waits until the end of a huge grocery check out to start looking for a checkbook.Thanks, Teri.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Thanks, John. I try pretty hard to avoid Customer Service, but next time I have to use it I’ll try to keep these in mind. I’ve never thought of Walmart taking back tools. I remember when Sears was well-known for replacing any Craftsman tool one could manage to damage. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Oh dear. I fear I’m guilty of #8 (maybe more than once!) At least I lived to admit it, right? I don’t particularly enjoy Customer Service, even on the phone!

    Liked by 2 people

  16. I haven’t set foot in a Wally World in over 20 years, nor have I returned anything in person in at least that long! I do most all of my shopping, except groceries & some books, online so … returning something is super easy! I don’t do well standing in lines, as my patience tends to be minimal at best. Good list, John! Happy Monday!

    Liked by 2 people

  17. John, I got to the front of the line quickly, once. I took the time to gaze around, preening over my good fortune. The customers behind me grumbled for me to get on with it. Great list. Happy New Year!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. I used to work in retail and had to deal with returns. People without receipts drove me crazy. I mean they could have stolen it from the store or from the person who bought it originally. One woman bought an entire set of china dinnerware, had a dinner party, washed everything and brought the set back!! She had her receipt but we knew what she had done. (she forgot about knife marks). Another guy bought a cookbook, photocopied the recipes he wanted and brought it back for a refund. The things people do! I just about always returned their money with a smile.

    Liked by 2 people

  24. Great list, John! Customer service—what a misnomer. I had a recent problem with my cable company. Completely frustrated, I searched their website for a place to air my grievances. Not finding anything, I called the 1-800 number. When I asked their operator for an address or number to call their customer service, she put me on hold and came back 5-10 minutes later to tell me she didn’t think they had one of those.

    Liked by 2 people

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  31. Great list, John. I, too, have had my share of rolling eyes and idle chatter from people in front of me. Since Covid, I avoid lines like the plague now. All the best.

    Liked by 1 person

  34. Standing in line at a Customer Service Desk is like going to the Dept. of Motor Vehicles. There are just some experiences that are universal no matter where you live. Great list, John. I chuckled the whole way through. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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