Top Ten Things Not to Do On College Campus Visits

~ John W. Howell
Photo by Alexander Schimmeck on Unsplash

This post was published on June 13th, 2016. However, I think there still might be advice worth repeating.

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It is time for those beautiful college tours for the children going into their senior year of high school. This list has inspiration from a foggy memory of such visits fifteen years ago. I hope you enjoy it.

10 If you are visiting a college, do not stop in the bookstore first. If you do, at best, you will be overwhelmed by the assortment. At worst, you will buy a bunch of stuff only to learn that your child “hates this place.” (Well, it figures, doesn’t it? Waldo.)

9 If you are visiting a college, do not wear clothing from another school. If you do, at best, the personnel will think you haven’t a clue. At worst, your shirt will distract the student guide, and they will forget half of what you wanted to know. (You could have picked a non-rival, right?)

8 If you are visiting a college, do not feed the mascot. If you do, at best, the guard will ask you to leave. At worst, that cookie you just tossed the bear is the only thing on the planet to which it has an allergy. (There’s nothing like CPR on a sweating, hairy monster with the lousy breath, huh, Pilgrim?)

7 If you are visiting a college, do not interrupt the tour guide. If you do, at best, they will forget where they were and will have to start from the beginning. At worst, your tour guide is a fragile human being who was encouraged to lead tours as a method of building self-confidence and is now in a pool of tears trying to survive a complete meltdown. (Well, you could have waited until the recording was over)

6 If you are visiting a college, do not make fun of tradition. If you do at best, you will see some severe frowns. At worst, the massive varsity football player who just got drafted by the Oakland Raiders will want to talk to you in private. (So what does it hurt not to snicker when everyone says, “Howdy” to you.)

5 If you are visiting a college, do not go to one where your child has zero chance of being accepted. If you do, at best, they will suddenly see what they will be missing. At worst, they will decide that this is the college for them and none other will do. (Now, this is a fine kettle of fish we’ve gotten ourselves into, Laurel)

4 If you are visiting a college, do not just visit those with big-time sports teams. If you do, at best, some good schools can be overlooked. At worst, maybe your child has no interest in sports, and you’ll realize too late that they are here because you want to be here. (You already went to school. Give it up, Bucky)

3 If you are visiting a college, do not engage your tour guide in a discussion about tuition. If you do, at best, they will direct you to the provost’s office. At worst, you will be bringing new information to a student tour guide who will become increasingly concerned about the cost enough to get a job and flunk out. ( Never saw that one coming, did ya? Bud.)

2 If you are visiting a college, do not think acceptance will be automatic. If you do, at best, you will start to make plans that won’t materialize. At worst, you might just give the impression to everyone you meet that you think the entrance is a slam dunk, and there are more than enough who will want to thwart that view. (What a surprise on rejection letter day.)

1 If you are visiting a college, do not talk about your college experiences. If you do, at best, the students will think you have never grown up. At worst, your child will want to find a deep hole and a dump truck and guess who is the cargo. (None of those kids are interested in ancient history pops unless it is a required course, and maybe not even then)

68 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do On College Campus Visits”

      1. But as far as being a dumb dad on a trip with my daughter, we visited a small school where I introduced her to the Dean as my wife. He didn’t seem phased but, after all, it was in a town in West Virginia. That was 24 years ago snd I’m still reminded when it’s ‘pick on dad’ time.

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  5. I can’t remember anyone making a college visit in my time. Of course, we all stayed mostly within the state, at least to begin, and already had been on all the campuses. The thought of flying to another state or states to compare and contrast never crossed our minds.

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    1. We were looking at colleges with equestrian programs so that quest took us all over the place. Pretty much the four corners of the compass. Settled at Baylor and were so glad we did.

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  10. These are very wise suggestions, John. I was guilty of #7, and broke rule #5 when we visited UCLA, USC, Berkeley, and Stanford. Out-of-state acceptance rates eliminated UCLA and Berkeley and high standards, Stanford. USC worked out but only for a January admission – and then there was the cost of flying coast to coast. Maybe that should be another number – calculate how much ti’s going to cost going back and forth!

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  12. These are excellent, John! I know Domer and I both cringed when some other parent (thankfully, not me!) violated #1. Gee, the poor kid looked awful.

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  14. This is such an American ritual. We don’t do that whole visiting colleges thing at all. At least not in my circle. Rare were the people I knew who went out of province to study. Most just settled on one of the English or French options we have here in Montreal. Some might have gone to other colleges a little further, but usually, within the same province.

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  15. Excellent advice, John. I might add, wear comfortable shoes, especially while on large campuses such as the University of Illinois which has three huge quads and stretches almost a good half-mile in all directions. Trudge, trudge, trudge.

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  16. Hilarious, John. It sounds like you’ve been to a few of these. A thirty-minute walk-through can become two hours with the wrong parents. 🤣🤣🤣

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  18. Hi John, this post made me laugh, especially your comments about parents not mentioning their college days. When my husband and I took Gregory to register for Uni in January this year, my husband proceeded to tell the security guard with great pride that he’d attended this same Uni 30 years before and that he knew where to go and blah, blah, blah. It was mortifying. 30 years ago!!!! I had to pretend I was Greg’s sister.

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  24. I’m relieved that we don’t have to face this question anymore. The whole time we’re listening to the tour guide, I’m thinking, “And how are we going to pay for this?”

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  26. Amidst all the humor, you have some serious tips here. Number 5 and number 2 are great ideas. What an experience though. When I toured with my daughter, I think I wanted to go to college again more than she wanted to go the first time. 🙂

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