Top Ten Things to Pass Up Even if on Discount

September 12, 2022 · by John W. Howell · in top ten things not to do · 120 Comments

This post was originally published on September 14, 2015. I think we can squeeze in a bit of learning from it still. I hope you enjoy it.

* * *

This list is inspired by watching some of the funny things people buy solely because they are being offered at a discounted price. Of course, I’ve taken the list to extremes (which I’m sure you have come to understand by now), but the spirit still lives.

Top Ten Things to Pass Up Even if on Discount

10 Even on discount, do not purchase cut-rate bungee jumping lessons. If you do, at best, you will only be scared poopless. At worst, your family will wonder what you were thinking as they hold a memorial for your three-foot-tall body. (Not to mention that you are six feet wide as well)

9 Even on discount, do not purchase cut-rate meat. If you do, at best, you will only miss a couple of days’ work. At worst, you will be one of the morbidity statistics as the USDA issues a countrywide recall of the E-coli tainted horse meat. (It tasted good going in, right?)

8 Even at a discount, do not buy a truckload of cut-rate toilet tissue. If you do, at best, you will spend more on storage than the original price. At worst, you will be selected for the Dr. Phil TV show segment “Am I full of it since I can’t stop myself from feeling like I need more toilet tissue.” (You’ve noticed how thin the paper is and have taken appropriate action, right?)

7 Even at a discount, do not buy that cut-rate hair restorative product. If you do, at best, you will need to explain your new Day-Glo orange color to the boss. At worst, you will be going through the day answering to the name Uncle Fester and fielding cue ball and reflecting head jokes. ( You always thought Yul Brenner was cool looking, right?)

6 Even at a discount, do not buy that cut-rate wrinkle injection. If you do, at best, you might resemble Donald Duck for a few months. At worst, you read about your doctor being accused by the FDA of using industrial silicone for some procedures, and now you know why you haven’t been able to feel your cheeks. (You do look good, though.)

5 Even at a discount, do not buy that cut-rate parachute for skydiving. If you do, at best, you could experience the thrill of trying to slow down with a tattered canopy. At worst, you will make a lasting impression in the field as you land without the benefit of an active drag-creating device. (Looking as if you did it on purpose doesn’t help the bystanders forget.)

4 Even at a discount, do not buy that cut-rate beer. If you do, at best, you will have all the taste and satisfaction of drinking carbonated defrost. At worst, you will realize your mistake as you read the label and see that the product is 99% salmonella free. (You only noticed that after six bottles, right?)

3 Even at a discount, do not buy cut-rate gold. If you do, at best, you won’t notice until the day your neck and finger turn green. At worst, you will realize that you have paid the highest amount of money for the least amount of gold, and you thought a pound would be a good buy. (you now have an attractive doorstop. Don’t get it wet.)

2 Even at a discount, do not buy cut-rate fruit. If you do, at best, you will have enough left after you cull the spoiled to make one salad. At worst, the USDA you may call to ask you to donate your generations of fruit flies to genetic research. (And you thought those spots in front of your eyes resulted from too little sleep.)

1 Even at a discount, do not buy a cut-rate used car. If you do, at best, you will understand the phrase “Get a horse.” At worst, you might be called by your homeowner association to move what they interpret as a mobile home for stray animals out of your driveway. (It seemed like a good idea to leave the windows down to circulate fresh air since the thing wouldn’t run, right?)

Tags: author, books, Circumstances of Childhood, Eternal Road - The final stop, fiction favorites, His Revenge, John W. Howell Author, My GRL, Our Justice, The Contract with Gwen Plano, Top Ten Things Not to Do

120 comments

Sorryless · September 12, 2022 - 4:08 am ·

All things considered, the fruit and beer feel like biggest mistakes on this list.

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1. John W. Howell · September 12, 2022 - 7:15 am ·
  
  I agree. You know my stand on carbonated defrost. 😁
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
  1. Sorryless · September 12, 2022 - 3:38 pm ·
    
    I sure do.
    
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2. Laura · September 14, 2022 - 4:06 pm ·
  
  I agree that the cut rate beer and fruit by far seem most tragic here.
  
  LikeLiked by 2 people
  1. John W. Howell · September 14, 2022 - 4:27 pm ·
    
    Yes indeed.
    
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  2. Sorryless · September 14, 2022 - 5:06 pm ·
    
    Eesh.
    
    LikeLiked by 1 person
    1. John W. Howell · September 14, 2022 - 6:02 pm ·
      
      C-c-carbonated defrost.
      
      LikeLiked by 1 person
    2. Sorryless · September 15, 2022 - 10:52 am ·
      
      Ha!
      
      LikeLiked by 1 person
    3. John W. Howell · September 15, 2022 - 1:23 pm ·
      
      😁
      
      LikeLiked by 1 person
Charles Yallowitz · September 12, 2022 - 4:34 am ·

The toilet paper one brings back some 2020 memories.

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1. Liz Gauffreau · September 12, 2022 - 6:37 am ·
  
  It did for me, too.
  
  LikeLiked by 3 people
  1. John W. Howell · September 12, 2022 - 7:19 am ·
    
    😊
    
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2. John W. Howell · September 12, 2022 - 7:16 am ·
  
  And this was written seven years ago. 😳
  
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  1. Charles Yallowitz · September 12, 2022 - 7:48 am ·
    
    Very prophetic.
    
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    1. John W. Howell · September 12, 2022 - 8:34 am ·
      
      😁
      
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shoreacres · September 12, 2022 - 5:12 am ·

Look at the meat, not at the price tag, and you’ll never make that mistake.

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1. Liz Gauffreau · September 12, 2022 - 6:38 am ·
  
  Yes, that greenish tinge should tell you something.
  
  LikeLiked by 3 people
  1. John W. Howell · September 12, 2022 - 7:20 am ·
    
    😳
    
    LikeLiked by 1 person
2. John W. Howell · September 12, 2022 - 7:16 am ·
  
  Good advice, Linda. 😊
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
OIKOS™- Art, Books & more · September 12, 2022 - 5:13 am ·

Reblogged this on NEW BLOG HERE >> https:/BOOKS.ESLARN-NET.DE.

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1. John W. Howell · September 12, 2022 - 7:16 am ·
  
  Thank you for sharing, Michael.
  
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OIKOS™- Art, Books & more · September 12, 2022 - 5:15 am ·

Great advices again, John! Bungee jumping should be able to be done in horizonal posture.;-) I would take it. Best wishes, Michael

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1. John W. Howell · September 12, 2022 - 7:17 am ·
  
  Sounds like that might be difficult. Best stay in bed, Michael.
  
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Jill Weatherholt · September 12, 2022 - 5:23 am ·

Good tips, John!

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1. John W. Howell · September 12, 2022 - 7:17 am ·
  
  Ha ha ha.Thanks, Jill.
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
Gwen M. Plano · September 12, 2022 - 5:50 am ·

LOL. Good warnings, John. These days I check everything from expiration dates to guarantees. 😊

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1. John W. Howell · September 12, 2022 - 7:18 am ·
  
  The right thing to do, Gwen. Thanks
  
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Dan Antion · September 12, 2022 - 6:14 am ·

#4 hits home with me, John. My ex MIL would always stock up on whatever the beer on sale was, when I came to visit (they were wine drinkers). I looked up Piels, and I found, “Today’s Piels Lager still offers that same unsurpassed beer flavor.”

Thanks for the memory jog…I think.

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1. John W. Howell · September 12, 2022 - 7:19 am ·
  
  Yup. Nothing like beer flavor.
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
Klausbernd · September 12, 2022 - 6:39 am ·

Dear John,
this mail made us smile – thanks a lot.
Have a happy week
The Fab Four of Cley
🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

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1. John W. Howell · September 12, 2022 - 7:20 am ·
  
  You as well. Glad you got a smile.
  
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GP · September 12, 2022 - 6:50 am ·

Oh wow, I see myself in most all your lists, John. 😬🥺

LikeLiked by 2 people
1. John W. Howell · September 12, 2022 - 7:22 am ·
  
  Ha ha ha. I better be careful what I write then. I think I’ll shelve the Top Ten Things Not to Do in the Shower story.
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
  1. GP · September 12, 2022 - 12:30 pm ·
    
    OMG – don’t you dare tell them everything I do!!😲
    
    LikeLiked by 1 person
    1. John W. Howell · September 12, 2022 - 3:08 pm ·
      
      Okay.That wart treatment information will stay with me.
      
      LikeLiked by 1 person
coldhandboyack · September 12, 2022 - 6:53 am ·

Sage advice, John.

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1. John W. Howell · September 12, 2022 - 8:28 am ·
  
  Thanks, Craig.
  
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harmonykentonline · September 12, 2022 - 7:02 am ·

The parachute pic had me chuckling away! Great list, John. Have a wonderful week 💕🙂

LikeLiked by 1 person
1. John W. Howell · September 12, 2022 - 8:29 am ·
  
  Have a wonderful week as well, Harmony😊
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
Book Club Mom · September 12, 2022 - 7:04 am ·

Sage advice, John! Is that an “Esso” sign in the back of the parachute picture?

LikeLiked by 1 person
1. John W. Howell · September 12, 2022 - 8:30 am ·
  
  Yes. Don’t know if those stations still exist.
  
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  1. Book Club Mom · September 12, 2022 - 3:33 pm ·
    
    Haha – I remember those in the 60s, but thought they were gone when it became Exxon.
    
    LikeLiked by 1 person
    1. John W. Howell · September 12, 2022 - 3:51 pm ·
      
      That might be a very old photo.
      
      LikeLiked by 1 person
    2. Book Club Mom · September 16, 2022 - 6:35 pm ·
      
      Could be!
      
      LikeLiked by 1 person
    3. John W. Howell · September 16, 2022 - 7:29 pm ·
      
      😁
      
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Teri Polen · September 12, 2022 - 7:45 am ·

Good advice. Love that pic – thanks for the laugh!

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1. John W. Howell · September 12, 2022 - 8:33 am ·
  
  Yes this was the intent. (the laugh)
  
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Tom · September 12, 2022 - 7:55 am ·

John,
There is a cartoon of a dark cave opening with a guy in there and only his eyes are visible. The caption was “ if your careful enough, nothing good or bad will ever happen to you.”
I guess that’s right.
Now what ?

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1. John W. Howell · September 12, 2022 - 3:18 pm ·
  
  Ha ha ha.
  
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Joan Hall · September 12, 2022 - 8:02 am ·

I wonder if number three could be termed fool’s gold? 🙂

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1. John W. Howell · September 12, 2022 - 3:18 pm ·
  
  I think it could. Thanks, Joan.
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
John Hric · September 12, 2022 - 8:48 am ·

Now that is a sign with impact.

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1. John W. Howell · September 12, 2022 - 3:17 pm ·
  
  Yes indeed. Not many parachutes sold though.
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
walkingoffthechessboard · September 12, 2022 - 9:14 am ·

It’s all about making the most money as possible. Perhaps with more life experience now, I approach discounted items first and foremost with…why might it be discounted? Especially when it comes to food and beverages. Carbonated defrost is my new go-to phrase for any applicable situations. 🙂

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1. John W. Howell · September 12, 2022 - 3:16 pm ·
  
  I love that description for lite beer
  
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Debbie · September 12, 2022 - 9:28 am ·

Have to feel sorry for the ones who violated #9. Ugh, gives me shudders. It’s not a bargain if you’re going to have to go to the hospital to have your stomach pumped out!

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1. John W. Howell · September 12, 2022 - 3:15 pm ·
  
  Ha ha ha. Thanks, Debbie. You are so right. 🤢
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
Jan Sikes · September 12, 2022 - 10:44 am ·

Ha! Ha! Another great list, John. A few of these made me cringe, and a few made me chuckle, like the cut-rate wrinkle treatment. 🙂

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1. John W. Howell · September 12, 2022 - 3:12 pm ·
  
  Ha ha ha. Thanks, Jan
  
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D.L. Finn, Author · September 12, 2022 - 11:19 am ·

All good things to avoid, John 🙂

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1. John W. Howell · September 12, 2022 - 3:11 pm ·
  
  I think so too. 😁
  
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Dale · September 12, 2022 - 12:01 pm ·

Very sound advice, John. I was never into buying cut-rate anything and this post has inspired me to continuing to do so 🙂
Happy Monday!

LikeLiked by 1 person
1. John W. Howell · September 12, 2022 - 3:09 pm ·
  
  You go girl.
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
  1. Dale · September 12, 2022 - 3:10 pm ·
    
    😀
    
    LikeLiked by 1 person
T. W. Dittmer · September 12, 2022 - 12:17 pm ·

Right. Low prices don’t necessarily indicate a good deal. 🙂

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1. John W. Howell · September 12, 2022 - 3:09 pm ·
  
  So true. I stopped buying off brand gas when I got water in the tank.
  
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D. Wallace Peach · September 12, 2022 - 12:38 pm ·

Awesome, John. I think most of us have been burned once or twice by getting what we paid for. Fortunately, I’ve avoided a cut-rate parachute! Lol

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1. John W. Howell · September 12, 2022 - 3:06 pm ·
  
  I have avoided the only used once never opened parachute too.
  
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  1. D. Wallace Peach · September 12, 2022 - 3:36 pm ·
    
    🙂
    
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    1. John W. Howell · September 12, 2022 - 3:50 pm ·
      
      😊
      
      LikeLiked by 1 person
karenringalls · September 12, 2022 - 3:11 pm ·

Great list, John. My dad always said “free is the best” and I have learned no, it isn’t.

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1. John W. Howell · September 12, 2022 - 3:52 pm ·
  
  Yes. I have learned the same lesson, Karen. Thank you.
  
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Andrew Joyce · September 12, 2022 - 5:52 pm ·

Funny you should bring up parachutes. I know you like history, so … here goes.

The first hot air balloon flight was over Versailles in 1783. Then in 1797, some guy (André-Jacques Garnerin) decided it was high time (pun intended) to try out da Vinci’s idea for the parachute. So, he jumped out of a balloon at 3,200 feet over Paris. Only one problem, he failed to include an air vent at the top of his parachute and oscillated wildly in his descent. He landed safely, but he was a bit sea sick.

I guess what I am saying is that if you do buy a parachute, make sure there in a hole at the top. I’m old school and I’m not talking about ram air canopies.

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1. John W. Howell · September 12, 2022 - 5:53 pm ·
  
  Good tip, Andrew. I’ll make sure I follow your advice. 😁
  
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  1. Andrew Joyce · September 12, 2022 - 5:54 pm ·
    
    You’re welcome.
    
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    1. John W. Howell · September 12, 2022 - 6:08 pm ·
      
      Also, if you want to read my post on the subject here’s the link. https://johnwhowell.com/2019/10/21/top-ten-things-not-to-do-at-the-first-parachute-jump-in-1797/ You are mentioned.
      
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  2. Andrew Joyce · September 13, 2022 - 5:29 am ·
    
    Great list. I should have known you would have beat me to the punch, so to speak. The comments are turned off over there, so here I am. And thanks a lot for ratting me out about the garage thing.
    
    LikeLiked by 1 person
    1. John W. Howell · September 13, 2022 - 7:16 am ·
      
      Ha ha ha.😁
      
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petespringerauthor · September 12, 2022 - 9:26 pm ·

No more cut-rate beer for me. Somebody else can drink the Hamm’s and Pabst Blue Ribbon. I’m happy with a Corona and a twist of lime.

Storage of massive amounts of toilet paper is an issue none of us ever want to think about again.

LikeLiked by 1 person
1. John W. Howell · September 13, 2022 - 7:07 am ·
  
  Ha ha ha. Yes the “bathroom tissue” wars are hopefully over. Thanks, Pete. 😁
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
Lekhak · September 12, 2022 - 10:40 pm ·

Parachute one is surely to be missed ..

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1. John W. Howell · September 13, 2022 - 7:09 am ·
  
  Yes, indeed. 😁
  
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Michele Jones · September 13, 2022 - 9:58 am ·

Does the cut-rate care qualify as bad fruit?

LikeLiked by 1 person
1. John W. Howell · September 13, 2022 - 6:13 pm ·
  
  I thin it just may, Michele. Thank you. 😁
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
Baydreamer - Lauren Scott · September 13, 2022 - 6:00 pm ·

I laughed at For Sale Parachute, only used once, never opened. And that was only the beginning. Great advice, John! 😂

LikeLiked by 1 person
1. John W. Howell · September 13, 2022 - 6:03 pm ·
  
  Thank you, Lauren
  
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raycheersvoice · September 14, 2022 - 10:36 am ·

I love the fruit and the car…so funny

LikeLiked by 1 person
1. John W. Howell · September 14, 2022 - 2:19 pm ·
  
  Thanks, Ray.
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
Pit · September 15, 2022 - 2:05 pm ·

With my macabre kind of humour, I love that sign about the parachute.

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1. John W. Howell · September 15, 2022 - 2:26 pm ·
  
  Me too, Pit.
  
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kethuprofumo · September 15, 2022 - 3:48 pm ·

Time passes & things don’t change. Even ued parachutes remain as they are. 😂😂😂 I find vintage 10 Things are more urgent for our days, dear John! Maybe…it’s age of mine…😱😱😱

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1. John W. Howell · September 15, 2022 - 3:54 pm ·
  
  You are becoming wise Dear Maria. 🤗
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
  1. kethuprofumo · September 15, 2022 - 3:56 pm ·
    
    😪😪😪 It looks like, dear John…
    
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    1. John W. Howell · September 15, 2022 - 4:09 pm ·
      
      We can only stay innocent so long then knowledge takes over.
      
      LikeLiked by 1 person
    2. kethuprofumo · September 15, 2022 - 6:15 pm ·
      
      😂😂😂 How careless the lift might be without knowledge & how precious it is when we share it with our common sense. 🙂
      
      LikeLiked by 1 person
    3. John W. Howell · September 15, 2022 - 7:28 pm ·
      
      The philosophical Maria speaks truth. 😁
      
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    4. kethuprofumo · September 16, 2022 - 7:08 am ·
      
      😉😉😉🦐🦐🦐🍺
      
      LikeLiked by 1 person
    5. John W. Howell · September 16, 2022 - 8:39 am ·
      
      😁😁 😁 🥂🍰
      
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Pit · September 15, 2022 - 3:55 pm ·

👍

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Jennie · September 15, 2022 - 5:48 pm ·

John, I can’t pick a favorite because I laughed my head off at all 10. Really!

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1. John W. Howell · September 15, 2022 - 7:27 pm ·
  
  I’m so glad Jennie. 😁
  
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  1. Jennie · September 16, 2022 - 8:36 am ·
    
    😀
    
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Resa · September 17, 2022 - 1:01 pm ·

Funny stuff, John!
At best you had me laughing.
At worst, I didn’t get to the toilet in time.
xo

LikeLiked by 1 person
1. John W. Howell · September 17, 2022 - 1:36 pm ·
  
  Sorry about the carpet. Thanks, Resa. 🤗
  
  LikeLiked by 1 person
  1. Resa · September 17, 2022 - 2:57 pm ·
    
    It’s okay! I tore out the carpet and put in cardboard! 🤗 🤗
    
    LikeLiked by 1 person
    1. John W. Howell · September 17, 2022 - 3:47 pm ·
      
      Ah. Just tear it up and replace.
      
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    2. Resa · September 17, 2022 - 3:50 pm ·
      
      Exactly!
      No shortage of cardboard here! xx
      
      LikeLiked by 1 person
    3. John W. Howell · September 17, 2022 - 3:56 pm ·
      
      Good for shoes too
      
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    4. Resa · September 17, 2022 - 4:10 pm ·
      
      Cardboard shoes?
      I think I can afford those, but they will need insoles.
      
      LikeLiked by 1 person
    5. John W. Howell · September 17, 2022 - 4:24 pm ·
      
      The cardboard is for the insoles.
      
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    6. Resa · September 17, 2022 - 4:27 pm ·
      
      OOOOHHHHH! Now I get it. not
      
      LikeLiked by 1 person
    7. John W. Howell · September 17, 2022 - 4:31 pm ·
      
      🤭
      
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    8. Resa · September 17, 2022 - 4:34 pm ·
      
      😘😘😘
      
      LikeLiked by 1 person
    9. John W. Howell · September 17, 2022 - 4:35 pm ·
      
      🤗😘😘
      
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bluepenwords 💙 · September 18, 2022 - 11:42 am ·

I laughed hard at the fruit flies 🤣 Good advices though

LikeLiked by 1 person
1. John W. Howell · September 18, 2022 - 1:00 pm ·
  
  Thank you. 😁
  
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Ankur Mithal · September 21, 2022 - 3:21 am ·

Sagely advice. I hope it is not based on personal experience 😉

LikeLiked by 1 person
1. John W. Howell · September 21, 2022 - 7:05 am ·
  
  All fiction here. I’m not allowed to buy anything without a requisition in triplicate.
  
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  1. Ankur Mithal · September 21, 2022 - 9:12 am ·
    
    🙂 I hope you store the stamped approvals safely. The law of limitation does not apply at home. All past transactions are open to audit.
    
    LikeLiked by 1 person
    1. John W. Howell · September 21, 2022 - 9:26 am ·
      
      I eat them after they are used. (I make sure they are written on naan with grape juice ink)
      
      LikeLiked by 1 person