Top Ten Things to Pass Up Even if on Discount

 

 

This post was originally published on September 14, 2015. I think we can squeeze in a bit of learning from it still. I hope you enjoy it.

* * *

This list is inspired by watching some of the funny things people buy solely because they are being offered at a discounted price. Of course, I’ve taken the list to extremes (which I’m sure you have come to understand by now), but the spirit still lives.

Top Ten Things to Pass Up Even if on Discount

10 Even on discount, do not purchase cut-rate bungee jumping lessons. If you do, at best, you will only be scared poopless. At worst, your family will wonder what you were thinking as they hold a memorial for your three-foot-tall body. (Not to mention that you are six feet wide as well)

9 Even on discount, do not purchase cut-rate meat. If you do, at best, you will only miss a couple of days’ work. At worst, you will be one of the morbidity statistics as the USDA issues a countrywide recall of the E-coli tainted horse meat. (It tasted good going in, right?)

8 Even at a discount, do not buy a truckload of cut-rate toilet tissue. If you do, at best, you will spend more on storage than the original price. At worst, you will be selected for the Dr. Phil TV show segment “Am I full of it since I can’t stop myself from feeling like I need more toilet tissue.” (You’ve noticed how thin the paper is and have taken appropriate action, right?)

7 Even at a discount, do not buy that cut-rate hair restorative product. If you do, at best, you will need to explain your new Day-Glo orange color to the boss. At worst, you will be going through the day answering to the name Uncle Fester and fielding cue ball and reflecting head jokes. ( You always thought Yul Brenner was cool looking, right?)

6 Even at a discount, do not buy that cut-rate wrinkle injection. If you do, at best, you might resemble Donald Duck for a few months. At worst, you read about your doctor being accused by the FDA of using industrial silicone for some procedures, and now you know why you haven’t been able to feel your cheeks. (You do look good, though.)

5 Even at a discount, do not buy that cut-rate parachute for skydiving. If you do, at best, you could experience the thrill of trying to slow down with a tattered canopy. At worst, you will make a lasting impression in the field as you land without the benefit of an active drag-creating device. (Looking as if you did it on purpose doesn’t help the bystanders forget.)

4 Even at a discount, do not buy that cut-rate beer. If you do, at best, you will have all the taste and satisfaction of drinking carbonated defrost. At worst, you will realize your mistake as you read the label and see that the product is 99% salmonella free. (You only noticed that after six bottles, right?)

3 Even at a discount, do not buy cut-rate gold. If you do, at best, you won’t notice until the day your neck and finger turn green. At worst, you will realize that you have paid the highest amount of money for the least amount of gold, and you thought a pound would be a good buy. (you now have an attractive doorstop. Don’t get it wet.)

2 Even at a discount, do not buy cut-rate fruit. If you do, at best, you will have enough left after you cull the spoiled to make one salad. At worst, the USDA you may call to ask you to donate your generations of fruit flies to genetic research. (And you thought those spots in front of your eyes resulted from too little sleep.)

1 Even at a discount, do not buy a cut-rate used car. If you do, at best, you will understand the phrase “Get a horse.” At worst, you might be called by your homeowner association to move what they interpret as a mobile home for stray animals out of your driveway. (It seemed like a good idea to leave the windows down to circulate fresh air since the thing wouldn’t run, right?)

120 comments

  1. All things considered, the fruit and beer feel like biggest mistakes on this list.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I agree. You know my stand on carbonated defrost. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

    2. I agree that the cut rate beer and fruit by far seem most tragic here.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. C-c-carbonated defrost.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. The toilet paper one brings back some 2020 memories.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. It did for me, too.

      Liked by 3 people

    2. And this was written seven years ago. 😳

      Like

  3. Look at the meat, not at the price tag, and you’ll never make that mistake.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Yes, that greenish tinge should tell you something.

      Liked by 3 people

    2. Good advice, Linda. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing, Michael.

      Like

  4. Great advices again, John! Bungee jumping should be able to be done in horizonal posture.;-) I would take it. Best wishes, Michael

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Sounds like that might be difficult. Best stay in bed, Michael.

      Like

    1. Ha ha ha.Thanks, Jill.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Gwen M. Plano · · Reply

    LOL. Good warnings, John. These days I check everything from expiration dates to guarantees. 😊

    Liked by 3 people

    1. The right thing to do, Gwen. Thanks

      Like

  6. #4 hits home with me, John. My ex MIL would always stock up on whatever the beer on sale was, when I came to visit (they were wine drinkers). I looked up Piels, and I found, “Today’s Piels Lager still offers that same unsurpassed beer flavor.”

    Thanks for the memory jog…I think.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Yup. Nothing like beer flavor.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Dear John,
    this mail made us smile – thanks a lot.
    Have a happy week
    The Fab Four of Cley
    πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

    Liked by 3 people

    1. You as well. Glad you got a smile.

      Like

  8. Oh wow, I see myself in most all your lists, John. 😬πŸ₯Ί

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Ha ha ha. I better be careful what I write then. I think I’ll shelve the Top Ten Things Not to Do in the Shower story.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. OMG – don’t you dare tell them everything I do!!😲

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Okay.That wart treatment information will stay with me.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Sage advice, John.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. The parachute pic had me chuckling away! Great list, John. Have a wonderful week πŸ’•πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Have a wonderful week as well, Harmony😊

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Sage advice, John! Is that an “Esso” sign in the back of the parachute picture?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes. Don’t know if those stations still exist.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Haha – I remember those in the 60s, but thought they were gone when it became Exxon.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. That might be a very old photo.

        Liked by 1 person

  12. Good advice. Love that pic – thanks for the laugh!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes this was the intent. (the laugh)

      Liked by 1 person

  13. John,
    There is a cartoon of a dark cave opening with a guy in there and only his eyes are visible. The caption was β€œ if your careful enough, nothing good or bad will ever happen to you.”
    I guess that’s right.
    Now what ?

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I wonder if number three could be termed fool’s gold? πŸ™‚

    Like

    1. I think it could. Thanks, Joan.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Now that is a sign with impact.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes indeed. Not many parachutes sold though.

      Liked by 1 person

  16. It’s all about making the most money as possible. Perhaps with more life experience now, I approach discounted items first and foremost with…why might it be discounted? Especially when it comes to food and beverages. Carbonated defrost is my new go-to phrase for any applicable situations. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love that description for lite beer

      Liked by 1 person

  17. Have to feel sorry for the ones who violated #9. Ugh, gives me shudders. It’s not a bargain if you’re going to have to go to the hospital to have your stomach pumped out!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha ha ha. Thanks, Debbie. You are so right. 🀒

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Ha! Ha! Another great list, John. A few of these made me cringe, and a few made me chuckle, like the cut-rate wrinkle treatment. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha ha ha. Thanks, Jan

      Like

  19. D.L. Finn, Author · · Reply

    All good things to avoid, John πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think so too. 😁

      Like

  20. Very sound advice, John. I was never into buying cut-rate anything and this post has inspired me to continuing to do so πŸ™‚
    Happy Monday!

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Right. Low prices don’t necessarily indicate a good deal. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So true. I stopped buying off brand gas when I got water in the tank.

      Liked by 1 person

  22. Awesome, John. I think most of us have been burned once or twice by getting what we paid for. Fortunately, I’ve avoided a cut-rate parachute! Lol

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have avoided the only used once never opened parachute too.

      Liked by 1 person

  23. Great list, John. My dad always said “free is the best” and I have learned no, it isn’t.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes. I have learned the same lesson, Karen. Thank you.

      Like

  24. Funny you should bring up parachutes. I know you like history, so … here goes.

    The first hot air balloon flight was over Versailles in 1783. Then in 1797, some guy (AndrΓ©-Jacques Garnerin) decided it was high time (pun intended) to try out da Vinci’s idea for the parachute. So, he jumped out of a balloon at 3,200 feet over Paris. Only one problem, he failed to include an air vent at the top of his parachute and oscillated wildly in his descent. He landed safely, but he was a bit sea sick.

    I guess what I am saying is that if you do buy a parachute, make sure there in a hole at the top. I’m old school and I’m not talking about ram air canopies.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Good tip, Andrew. I’ll make sure I follow your advice. 😁

      Like

      1. You’re welcome.

        Like

      2. Also, if you want to read my post on the subject here’s the link. https://johnwhowell.com/2019/10/21/top-ten-things-not-to-do-at-the-first-parachute-jump-in-1797/ You are mentioned.

        Like

      3. Great list. I should have known you would have beat me to the punch, so to speak. The comments are turned off over there, so here I am. And thanks a lot for ratting me out about the garage thing.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Ha ha ha.😁

        Like

  25. petespringerauthor · · Reply

    No more cut-rate beer for me. Somebody else can drink the Hamm’s and Pabst Blue Ribbon. I’m happy with a Corona and a twist of lime.

    Storage of massive amounts of toilet paper is an issue none of us ever want to think about again.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha ha ha. Yes the “bathroom tissue” wars are hopefully over. Thanks, Pete. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  26. Parachute one is surely to be missed ..

    Like

    1. Yes, indeed. 😁

      Like

  27. Does the cut-rate care qualify as bad fruit?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I thin it just may, Michele. Thank you. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  28. I laughed at For Sale Parachute, only used once, never opened. And that was only the beginning. Great advice, John! πŸ˜‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Lauren

      Like

  29. I love the fruit and the car…so funny

    Liked by 1 person

  30. With my macabre kind of humour, I love that sign about the parachute.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Time passes & things don’t change. Even ued parachutes remain as they are. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ I find vintage 10 Things are more urgent for our days, dear John! Maybe…it’s age of mine…😱😱😱

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are becoming wise Dear Maria. πŸ€—

      Liked by 1 person

      1. πŸ˜ͺπŸ˜ͺπŸ˜ͺ It looks like, dear John…

        Liked by 1 person

      2. We can only stay innocent so long then knowledge takes over.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ How careless the lift might be without knowledge & how precious it is when we share it with our common sense. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      4. The philosophical Maria speaks truth. 😁

        Like

      5. πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰πŸ¦πŸ¦πŸ¦πŸΊ

        Liked by 1 person

      6. 😁😁 😁 πŸ₯‚πŸ°

        Liked by 1 person

  32. πŸ‘

    Liked by 1 person

  33. John, I can’t pick a favorite because I laughed my head off at all 10. Really!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so glad Jennie. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  34. Funny stuff, John!
    At best you had me laughing.
    At worst, I didn’t get to the toilet in time.
    xo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sorry about the carpet. Thanks, Resa. πŸ€—

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s okay! I tore out the carpet and put in cardboard! πŸ€— πŸ€—

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Ah. Just tear it up and replace.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Exactly!
        No shortage of cardboard here! xx

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Good for shoes too

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Cardboard shoes?
        I think I can afford those, but they will need insoles.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. The cardboard is for the insoles.

        Like

      7. OOOOHHHHH! Now I get it. not

        Liked by 1 person

      8. 😘😘😘

        Liked by 1 person

      9. πŸ€—πŸ˜˜πŸ˜˜

        Liked by 1 person

  35. I laughed hard at the fruit flies 🀣 Good advices though

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. 😁

      Like

  36. Sagely advice. I hope it is not based on personal experience πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

    1. All fiction here. I’m not allowed to buy anything without a requisition in triplicate.

      Like

      1. πŸ™‚ I hope you store the stamped approvals safely. The law of limitation does not apply at home. All past transactions are open to audit.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I eat them after they are used. (I make sure they are written on naan with grape juice ink)

        Liked by 1 person

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