Top Ten Excuses Not to Use For Skipping Work

Photo by Matthew Henry on Unsplash

This post was initially run on January 2, 2017. However, since we are coming off a Veterans Day holiday, I thought it would be good to reread this Monday morning.

* * *

The inspiration for this list comes from the memory of having to return to the day job after a long weekend like we are having now. It seems the wounds are just beginning to heal, and it is time to go back to the battle, only to be reopened again. This list has been developed so that the temptation to stay home on Tuesday is successfully avoided.

Top Ten Excuses Not to Use For Skipping Work

10 If you want to skip work, do not tell the boss your dog ate your driver’s license. If you do,  at best, your boss will wonder why you can’t take public transportation. At worst, your boss will send a car only to discover that you are still in your pajamas. (What made you think the boss would be working and allow you to stay home, huh, Bunky?)

9 If you want to skip work, do not call in holding your nose to support your sickness claim. If you do, at best, the boss will think you were overserved over the holiday. At worst, you will get a call from human resources with your appointment at the substance abuse treatment center. (That went well, didn’t it, Bosco?)

8 If you want to skip work, do not blame the weather for not getting to the office. If you do, at best, you will be the only one not at the office. At worst, the weather you thought would hit your town moved out of the area. (Here, you are looking at the sun trying to explain the absence of snow, sleet, and ice. Better luck next time, Buford.)

7 If you want to skip work, do not blame the mechanical failure of your auto. If you do, at best, some boss sycophant will volunteer to come to get you. At worst, you’ll be at the drive-through for lunch, and your boss will be in the car behind you. (At least you got the morning before you magically made the repair. Right, Bucky?)

6 If you want to skip work, do not pretend you are out of town and the planes are all grounded. If you do, at best, there will be some bad weather somewhere, and you picked it right. At worst, just after hanging up with the boss, a newscast will come on, extolling the fact that there were no flight delays for the first time ever. (Well, you will have an additional story to tell tomorrow. Right Bud. How about the fact that your plane was hijacked?)

5 If you want to skip work, do not use the excuse that your spouse is ill and needs care. If you do, at best, the sympathy calls will give you little rest. At worst, the knowledge of the collection at work and the bouquet of flowers that shows up in the afternoon convince you to quit. (This was not the outcome you wanted. Or was it. Roscoe?)

4 If you want to skip work, do not report that you are telecommuting to the boss. If you do, at best, you will get some additional assignments and be forced to work anyway. At worst, you will get a critical call that goes unanswered which triggers a massive shutdown of IT systems. (You forgot about the fail-safe hacking control. It is a shame since you set it up, Bubba)

3 If you want to skip work, do not report you to have an off-site meeting with a customer. If you do, at best, you can always say the client canceled the meeting. At worst, you get a call from the boss who decided to meet you at the customer’s office, letting you know the client is in Bangkok. (Now is the time to try to carry off the fact that you are in Bangkok. Good luck with that, Rube)

2 If you want to skip work, do not set up an elaborate scheme that includes throwing a punch at Tiny, the WWF Champion. If you do, at best, the detailed plan will fall through. At worst, your stay in the hospital will not compensate for the one day off. (Why you decided to throw a punch at Tiny is still debated in the company halls. You did pick up some street cred, though, Buddy.)

1 If you want to skip work, do not enlist fellow workers as co-conspirators in whatever excuse you choose. If you do, at best, you will owe the favor. At worst, the boss will get a confession from the weakest link, and you will be given up in a heartbeat. (I guess you could have predicted the result. Couldn’t you Sucker?)

97 comments

  1. Today it is so much easier. Sorry boss, tested positive for Covid…. see ya in a coupla days!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That gets at least five. Good point, Dale. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

      1. True!! 😉

        Like

  2. I would much rather fake Bangkok than punch Tiny. Just saying….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m with you. A few pedicab bell sounds, a kowasaki blurp or two, and car horns ought to do it.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’d be set!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Lols, John 😆. Have a wonderful week. Hugs 💕🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Harmony. You as well.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Ha! Now I know why I’ve never not showed up for work, John. Do you have a public holiday for Veteran’s Day?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Some businesses do and some don’t. The government is open as it the stock market.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Okay, that is interesting.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Whoa! It’s good to see Tiny once again. I won’t harass him today….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. He likes you, GP.I think he enjoys your harassment.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. If he comes back around, I won’t let him off so easy.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Funny, I was considering if I could milk one more day out of this.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Pick one and go ahead. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  7. If only mental health days were more acceptable.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Then there was my daughter who said she couldn’t attend school because her friend’s hamster died and she needed to console her!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Great excuse, Darlene. Did it work?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Nope! Her mother caught on right away.

        Like

  9. I like Darlene’s daughter’s excuse – seems perfectly reasonable to me.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I heard so many of these from members of my crew over 30 years, John. No one threw a punch at Tiny, though.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. They were smart I think.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. I am inspired by the photo. The next time my wife insists that I put up the Christmas light, I am going to hide under a blanket.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. If you can fit in the laundry basket the ploy may work. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  12. So funny, John. Except for the birth of each of my four kids, I don’t think I missed work. 😇 LOL

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can see that about you. I missed work once when I broke my back.

      Like

      1. OMG! You probably directed office traffic via a landline. 😄

        Like

  13. I think Covid is the best excuse – then NOONE will want any contact! But don’t be caught out having dinner at a restaurant!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. There you go, Noelle. Maybe Door Dash might come in handy.

      Like

  14. I used to work with someone who was an expert at skipping work after a long weekend. Frustrated the rest of us! I suspect skipping work is easier these days, when you can just say you’re “working from home.”

    Like

  15. Good ones, John! Trying to find a viable excuse for skipping time at the job is a long-standing tradition. 🙂

    Like

    1. One could always try calling in sick-of-it. (I never had the guts to.)

      Liked by 2 people

  16. Used to work with a boss that had a jeep and was willing to drive it even in the midst of a blizzard. He would get to the office and then start reaching out to us to find out why we weren’t coming in also. I do not miss that. My explanations for not going to work were legitimate reasons all the time…ok, most of the time.🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah great boss for sure.

      Liked by 1 person

  17. D.L. Finn, Author · · Reply

    All good advice for calling in sick, John 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Denise.

      Like

  18. I laughed at some of these. They take on a somewhat different meaning for us self-employed. When you’re the employee, the boss, and the HR department all rolled into one, the discussions can get pretty interesting!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes they can and it is a good thing there is no one to overhear those discussions.

      Liked by 1 person

  19. Good ones, John. Would you believe weather and car trouble have kept me from work? Both times legit. Thankfully, I don’t have to worry about that anymore.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes isn’t it grand?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Wouldn’t trade it!

        Liked by 1 person

  20. petespringerauthor · · Reply

    Your post made me immediately think of Ferris Buehler’s Day Off.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes it could for sure.

      Liked by 1 person

  21. Lol, John! I’m SO glad I don’t have to make excuses to skip work … well, sometimes I make excuses to skip writing, though 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Me too. Thanks, Marie.

      Liked by 1 person

  22. Oh, well, dear John…I suppose that only a meeting with aliens might serve a realistic excuse to skip the work in a crazy world like ours 🙂 🙂 🙂 🍤🍤🍤🍻

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree with you. Meeting with aliens as an excuse would never be questioned. 😂

      Liked by 1 person

  23. Thanks for the laughs, John. One day I hope you post a “Tiny Top-Ten.” But, you’d better warn fans ahead of time. Your post might have a blackout with a giant rush of readers. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are so nice, Jennie. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thanks, John. Doesn’t everyone love Tiny? 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I think they do.

        Liked by 1 person

  24. John, you are a funny bunny!
    Crazy, but I never skipped work, once I got into film.
    It was the opposite. They had to think of reasons for me to take a day off!
    🐂❦🐂❦🐂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Just goes to show that if you love what you do, you never have to “work.”

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s the truth! 🐂 ———swish——– 🐂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Ha ha ha. The fastest ox on the planet.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Hahaha! So true. Speedy Gonzalox!
        OX OX OX

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Gonzalox. LOL 🐂——–shawush———🐂

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Yes, another Warner Bros. ox! 🐂——–shawush———🐂🐂——–shawush———🐂

        Liked by 1 person

      6. I think we are a little nuts. 🐂👀🐂

        Liked by 1 person

      7. A little? If we were younger, I’m sure I’d get you in. trouble. I’ve calmed down.
        😵‍💫 💋🐂💋🐂

        Liked by 1 person

      8. I haven’t 😵‍💫 💋🐂💋🐂

        Liked by 1 person

      9. Hahahahaha! Let’s go! 😵‍💫 💋🐂💋🐂😵‍💫 💋🐂💋🐂

        Liked by 1 person

      10. Lol! Good one.
        🎠🎠🎠🎠🎠 Just trying to catch up!

        Liked by 1 person

      11. I’ll give you a chance. 🦥

        Liked by 1 person

      12. Ha! I think I win. I mean how in heck will a moose head catch up! It’s just a head. It would have to roll at super speed, and the antlers will get caught and impede the roll.
        🏍❤️💋

        Liked by 1 person

      13. It’s a sloth. I chose it so you could catch up. Now I’m using something faster. 🐆

        Liked by 1 person

      14. Oh fer! I give this round to you. I’m going to rethink my current strategy! OX OX OX

        Liked by 1 person

      15. I will take it with all humility. OX OX OX

        Liked by 1 person

      16. 💋💋💋

        Liked by 1 person

    2. 🐂❦🐂❦🐂 🪷🐂🪷

      Like

      1. 🐂❦🐂❦🐂 🪷🐂🪷 Thank you for the lotus flowers! oxox

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I thought you would like them. 🍷

        Liked by 1 person

      3. 🍷🪷🍷🪷

        Liked by 1 person

      4. 🍷🍷🪷🪷🍱

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Nice! Let’s eat! oxoxox

        Liked by 1 person

  25. Got a good laugh at these.
    Signed Epstein’s Mother

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so glad. Epstein is a good boy.

      Liked by 1 person

  26. In regards to robertawrites235681907’s comment and your answer. “The government is open …” Is that true? I don’t think that was the case in my small town.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I could be wrong. (gasp)

      Liked by 1 person

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