Photo by Matthew Henry on Unsplash
This post was initially run on January 2, 2017. However, since we are coming off a Veterans Day holiday, I thought it would be good to reread this Monday morning.
* * *
The inspiration for this list comes from the memory of having to return to the day job after a long weekend like we are having now. It seems the wounds are just beginning to heal, and it is time to go back to the battle, only to be reopened again. This list has been developed so that the temptation to stay home on Tuesday is successfully avoided.
Top Ten Excuses Not to Use For Skipping Work
10 If you want to skip work, do not tell the boss your dog ate your driver’s license. If you do, at best, your boss will wonder why you can’t take public transportation. At worst, your boss will send a car only to discover that you are still in your pajamas. (What made you think the boss would be working and allow you to stay home, huh, Bunky?)
9 If you want to skip work, do not call in holding your nose to support your sickness claim. If you do, at best, the boss will think you were overserved over the holiday. At worst, you will get a call from human resources with your appointment at the substance abuse treatment center. (That went well, didn’t it, Bosco?)
8 If you want to skip work, do not blame the weather for not getting to the office. If you do, at best, you will be the only one not at the office. At worst, the weather you thought would hit your town moved out of the area. (Here, you are looking at the sun trying to explain the absence of snow, sleet, and ice. Better luck next time, Buford.)
7 If you want to skip work, do not blame the mechanical failure of your auto. If you do, at best, some boss sycophant will volunteer to come to get you. At worst, you’ll be at the drive-through for lunch, and your boss will be in the car behind you. (At least you got the morning before you magically made the repair. Right, Bucky?)
6 If you want to skip work, do not pretend you are out of town and the planes are all grounded. If you do, at best, there will be some bad weather somewhere, and you picked it right. At worst, just after hanging up with the boss, a newscast will come on, extolling the fact that there were no flight delays for the first time ever. (Well, you will have an additional story to tell tomorrow. Right Bud. How about the fact that your plane was hijacked?)
5 If you want to skip work, do not use the excuse that your spouse is ill and needs care. If you do, at best, the sympathy calls will give you little rest. At worst, the knowledge of the collection at work and the bouquet of flowers that shows up in the afternoon convince you to quit. (This was not the outcome you wanted. Or was it. Roscoe?)
4 If you want to skip work, do not report that you are telecommuting to the boss. If you do, at best, you will get some additional assignments and be forced to work anyway. At worst, you will get a critical call that goes unanswered which triggers a massive shutdown of IT systems. (You forgot about the fail-safe hacking control. It is a shame since you set it up, Bubba)
3 If you want to skip work, do not report you to have an off-site meeting with a customer. If you do, at best, you can always say the client canceled the meeting. At worst, you get a call from the boss who decided to meet you at the customer’s office, letting you know the client is in Bangkok. (Now is the time to try to carry off the fact that you are in Bangkok. Good luck with that, Rube)
2 If you want to skip work, do not set up an elaborate scheme that includes throwing a punch at Tiny, the WWF Champion. If you do, at best, the detailed plan will fall through. At worst, your stay in the hospital will not compensate for the one day off. (Why you decided to throw a punch at Tiny is still debated in the company halls. You did pick up some street cred, though, Buddy.)
1 If you want to skip work, do not enlist fellow workers as co-conspirators in whatever excuse you choose. If you do, at best, you will owe the favor. At worst, the boss will get a confession from the weakest link, and you will be given up in a heartbeat. (I guess you could have predicted the result. Couldn’t you Sucker?)
Fiction Favorites 
Today it is so much easier. Sorry boss, tested positive for Covid…. see ya in a coupla days!
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That gets at least five. Good point, Dale. 😁
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True!! 😉
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I would much rather fake Bangkok than punch Tiny. Just saying….
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I’m with you. A few pedicab bell sounds, a kowasaki blurp or two, and car horns ought to do it.
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You’d be set!
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Yup
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Lols, John 😆. Have a wonderful week. Hugs 💕🙂
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Thank you, Harmony. You as well.
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Ha! Now I know why I’ve never not showed up for work, John. Do you have a public holiday for Veteran’s Day?
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Some businesses do and some don’t. The government is open as it the stock market.
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Okay, that is interesting.
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Whoa! It’s good to see Tiny once again. I won’t harass him today….
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He likes you, GP.I think he enjoys your harassment.
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If he comes back around, I won’t let him off so easy.
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Yeah, see.
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Funny, I was considering if I could milk one more day out of this.
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Pick one and go ahead. 😁
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If only mental health days were more acceptable.
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Very true.
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Then there was my daughter who said she couldn’t attend school because her friend’s hamster died and she needed to console her!
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Great excuse, Darlene. Did it work?
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Nope! Her mother caught on right away.
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I like Darlene’s daughter’s excuse – seems perfectly reasonable to me.
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I like it too.
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I heard so many of these from members of my crew over 30 years, John. No one threw a punch at Tiny, though.
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They were smart I think.
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I am inspired by the photo. The next time my wife insists that I put up the Christmas light, I am going to hide under a blanket.
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If you can fit in the laundry basket the ploy may work. 😊
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So funny, John. Except for the birth of each of my four kids, I don’t think I missed work. 😇 LOL
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I can see that about you. I missed work once when I broke my back.
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OMG! You probably directed office traffic via a landline. 😄
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I think Covid is the best excuse – then NOONE will want any contact! But don’t be caught out having dinner at a restaurant!
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There you go, Noelle. Maybe Door Dash might come in handy.
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I used to work with someone who was an expert at skipping work after a long weekend. Frustrated the rest of us! I suspect skipping work is easier these days, when you can just say you’re “working from home.”
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Good ones, John! Trying to find a viable excuse for skipping time at the job is a long-standing tradition. 🙂
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One could always try calling in sick-of-it. (I never had the guts to.)
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🙂
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😊
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Ha hahaha
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Used to work with a boss that had a jeep and was willing to drive it even in the midst of a blizzard. He would get to the office and then start reaching out to us to find out why we weren’t coming in also. I do not miss that. My explanations for not going to work were legitimate reasons all the time…ok, most of the time.🙂
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Yeah great boss for sure.
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All good advice for calling in sick, John 🙂
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Thank you, Denise.
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I laughed at some of these. They take on a somewhat different meaning for us self-employed. When you’re the employee, the boss, and the HR department all rolled into one, the discussions can get pretty interesting!
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Yes they can and it is a good thing there is no one to overhear those discussions.
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Good ones, John. Would you believe weather and car trouble have kept me from work? Both times legit. Thankfully, I don’t have to worry about that anymore.
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Yes isn’t it grand?
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Wouldn’t trade it!
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😊
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Your post made me immediately think of Ferris Buehler’s Day Off.
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Yes it could for sure.
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Lol, John! I’m SO glad I don’t have to make excuses to skip work … well, sometimes I make excuses to skip writing, though 😉
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Me too. Thanks, Marie.
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Oh, well, dear John…I suppose that only a meeting with aliens might serve a realistic excuse to skip the work in a crazy world like ours 🙂 🙂 🙂 🍤🍤🍤🍻
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I agree with you. Meeting with aliens as an excuse would never be questioned. 😂
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😂😂😂
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🤗
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Thanks for the laughs, John. One day I hope you post a “Tiny Top-Ten.” But, you’d better warn fans ahead of time. Your post might have a blackout with a giant rush of readers. 😀
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You are so nice, Jennie. 😁
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Thanks, John. Doesn’t everyone love Tiny? 🙂
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I think they do.
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Me, too.
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😊
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John, you are a funny bunny!
Crazy, but I never skipped work, once I got into film.
It was the opposite. They had to think of reasons for me to take a day off!
🐂❦🐂❦🐂
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Just goes to show that if you love what you do, you never have to “work.”
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It’s the truth! 🐂 ———swish——– 🐂
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Ha ha ha. The fastest ox on the planet.
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Hahaha! So true. Speedy Gonzalox!
OX OX OX
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Gonzalox. LOL 🐂——–shawush———🐂
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Yes, another Warner Bros. ox! 🐂——–shawush———🐂🐂——–shawush———🐂
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I think we are a little nuts. 🐂👀🐂
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A little? If we were younger, I’m sure I’d get you in. trouble. I’ve calmed down.
😵💫 💋🐂💋🐂
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I haven’t 😵💫 💋🐂💋🐂
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Hahahahaha! Let’s go! 😵💫 💋🐂💋🐂😵💫 💋🐂💋🐂
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🐎
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Lol! Good one.
🎠🎠🎠🎠🎠 Just trying to catch up!
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I’ll give you a chance. 🦥
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Ha! I think I win. I mean how in heck will a moose head catch up! It’s just a head. It would have to roll at super speed, and the antlers will get caught and impede the roll.
🏍❤️💋
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It’s a sloth. I chose it so you could catch up. Now I’m using something faster. 🐆
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Oh fer! I give this round to you. I’m going to rethink my current strategy! OX OX OX
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I will take it with all humility. OX OX OX
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💋💋💋
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😊
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🐂❦🐂❦🐂 🪷🐂🪷
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🐂❦🐂❦🐂 🪷🐂🪷 Thank you for the lotus flowers! oxox
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I thought you would like them. 🍷
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🍷🪷🍷🪷
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🍷🍷🪷🪷🍱
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Nice! Let’s eat! oxoxox
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Yum.
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Got a good laugh at these.
Signed Epstein’s Mother
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I’m so glad. Epstein is a good boy.
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😂😂
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Thank you.
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In regards to robertawrites235681907’s comment and your answer. “The government is open …” Is that true? I don’t think that was the case in my small town.
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I could be wrong. (gasp)
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