Photo by Melanie Pongratz on Unsplash
This post originally ran on August 8th, 2014. I still like the advice and hope you enjoy it.
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Here is the 59th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do. The inspiration for this came from standing in several lines Hope you like it.
Top Ten Things Not to do if You Find Yourself Waiting Your Turn
10 If you are in line at a ferry, do not turn off your car. If you do, at best, the minute you do, the line will start moving. At worst, your car won’t start, and the friendly folks behind you will figure out a way to heave your vehicle over the side of the access terminal into thirty feet of water.
9. If you are in line at the pharmacy, do not try to eavesdrop on the confidential medical briefing of the person in front of you. If you do, at best, you may hear something that your ears won’t forgive or forget. At worst, the store will hit you with a HIPPA violation and send you to the back of the line again.
8. If you are in line at the ten items or less express checkout at the supermarket, do not comment on the twenty items the person ahead of you has just laid on the counter. If you do, at best, you will hear the old excuse, “Oh, I didn’t notice that this was ten items or less.” At worst, you will be savagely attacked by a seemingly quiet, unassuming person who (unknown to you ) was just released from a psychiatric hospital due to the lack of funding.
7. If you are in line at a movie theatre, do not groan loudly when the person in front of you wants to know the movie’s rating. If you do, At best, you will need to suffer through other questions like, “How long does it run?” At worst, you will be faced with the spouse of the person in front of you wondering what your problem is and asking you kindly to cut them some slack while showing you a close-up of a fist.
6. If you are in line at a convenience store, do not make any comments about a person in front of you who wants to pick out the specific scratch–off ticket but can’t make up their mind. If you do, at best, you make have to explain your problem when asked. At worst, you will need to apologize for your impatience when you learn that the ticket is being purchased as a twenty-fifth wedding anniversary present.
5. If you are in line at the bank, do not prompt the half-asleep person standing in front of you behind the wait here line that a teller is open. If you do, at best, the person may pop awake and think you are being fresh. At worst, the person will take offense since they were not paying attention and ask you something about “Where’s the fire?”
4. If you are in line at the doctor’s office, do not complain to the receptionist about how valuable you consider your time. If you do, At best, you will be waiting twice as long since the receptionist just had an argument with the doctor about how little she makes. At worst, the receptionist will somehow lose your place, and you will still be there when the doctor and the receptionist leave for the night, asking you to come back tomorrow.
3. If you are waiting to be served at one of the hottest bars in town, do not wave at the bartender. If you do, at best, he will simply wave back and wait on others. At worst, the bartender will finally give you the old what’ll you have and then tell you they don’t have it, and maybe they will across the street.
2. If you are waiting to be seated in a trendy restaurant, do not think you will be seated without tipping the Matre D. If you do, At best, you will finally have to break down and either tip or go elsewhere. At worst, you will get a seat in the bar just as they are starting the fastest cigar smoker contest and there are twenty-four contestants all lighting up at the same time.
1. If you find yourself waiting in line at Starbucks, do not try to cut the line. If you do, at best, you will be chastised by the teenage barista. At worst, your double decaf, soy, low foam latte will have a taste resembling the faint essence of dirty socks, and you should not ask why.
Fiction Favorites 
So many ways waiting in line can go wrong. It’s only a few minutes, let it be,
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You would think we would learn. Now hurry up and get those 20 things checked out.
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Is it OK if 11 of them are vegetables?
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Sure just hurry
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🙂
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😁
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More sage advice. I will try to remember it as I commute in deeper than normal snow today. I’m sure the line will be lengthy.
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Slow is the key. Drive safely.
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Maintaining a good attitude can be difficult when waiting for service, especially in medical situations. There’s a reason that “waiting room” is associated with the health care industry.
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Good point. Also, the tire industry. 😁
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Do they still have express lines? Feels like it’s just general self-checkout nowadays.
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They are going away for sure. We still have folks here who can’t handle the technology. You know the type. They start looking for their checkbook after the total is rung up.
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And they always end up in self-checkout too.
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Arrrgggg
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Hilarious, John. These days I’m more alert to who is in front or behind me, where the exits are, etc. 😊
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Very smart. Keep doing that. 😁
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This is the first time that three situations have been applicable: the express line in the grocery, the lotto line at the convenience store, and the eye doctor’s office. Most of the time I content myself with heavy sighs, but occasionally I’m tempted toward the behaviors you’ve mentioned.
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Yes, me too. Thanks, Linda.
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I’ve stood in many of these lines! Lucky for me, I learned how to “hurry up and wait” when my husband was in the Navy.
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Ah yes. Good training. 😊
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I don’t know what it is about us, but about 85% of the time when we go through a toll booth on the highway the person in line in front of us is asking for directions. I’m not joking.
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That’s why you need to carry a massive water squirt gun. Won’t hurt them but will make you feel better.
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LOL! Good ones, John. Number nine cracked me up!
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I’m glad you liked it, Jill.
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John,
This was a very funny list. I enjoyed it a lot.
Did I ever tell you that my grandfather invented lines ? Remind me when we talk to tell you the story.
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I will remind you. Sounds like a good story.
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John,
It’s fiction. 😀
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Still sounds like a good story.
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Hilarious, John! Thanks for the sage and fun advice. Have a wonderful week. Hugs 💕🙂
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You as well, Harmony. 😊
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This is hysterical. If there’s a line I don’t get in it period. Amazing me how many people love them -🤷♀️
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So true. I try to avoid lines myself. Thanks, Cindy.
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All good line advice, John 🙂
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😁
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Good ones, John.
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Thank you, Joan.
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A post about the virtues of patience, John. 🙂 I don’t think I’ve ever eaten at a fancy enough restaurant to require tipping the maitre d, or maybe that’s why I was seated at the bar. 🙂
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Just could be. Did you enjoy the cigar fest
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😀 I wouldn’t have stayed for that bit of fun.
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🤣
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Whatever would we do without your sage and timely advice? All good ones, but I especially liked #8! 🤣
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I’m glad you liked it, Jill. 😁
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Waiting is not my long suit, John. Thank you for reminding me to slow down (and refrain from heavy sighs of frustration that sound like a person is on their last leg!!)
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Yes the heavy sighs are dead giveaways
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Patience is a virtue. Good manners are taught. Loved each of them, but my favorite is #4. After working in a doctor’s office for several years, it is amazing how people think there time is more valuable than others.
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Yes, I think everyone thinks their time is more valuable than others. Thanks, Karen.
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What a great list! It is amazing how often we have to wait for something in our daily lives. I’m going to take the liberty to add one—the DMV. There’s nothing like that special feeling we get when we wait for a half-hour only to get sent to a different line because it wasn’t clear where we were supposed to be at the start.
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Or having an extra form needing to be filled out.
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Waiting in line is not my favorite thing, but I’m a downright hater when it comes to people who line up directly behind you to the point any movement will forge a collision. This happens most often at the grocery and convenience stores. It has been going on since time began, and the pandemic didn’t slow that behavior down one bit. As for those who have more items than the line “allows,” that attempt to corral behavior always has been an epic failure.🙂
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Those press the flesh types kill me. I always ask them if they have had the flu yet. They usually back off.
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🤣👍
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😊
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These nuggets of advice are pure gold I tell you. Gold! 😉
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Ha ha ha ha. Thanks, Marc.
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You the man.
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No, you da man.
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🙂
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Ah yes. Patience is truly a virtue, and your examples in this Top Ten list explain exactly why!
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Thank you, Jan. 😊
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Great list, John! #8 reminded me that I’ve ended up in the wrong line before. So embarrassing! And #1 made me chuckle, the sweet fragrance of dirty socks. 🥰
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I think we all have, Lauren. Thanks. 😁
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re #4: I had a doctor that, if your appointment was scheduled for 1, you’d be lucky to see him before 5.
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Ugh. In today’s virus environment that would be risky. Thanks, John
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Really funny!
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Glad you liked it.
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Oh man, these are so true. Waiting in line to get your license renewed is the worst, though.
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It is. Texas has an appointment system that works quite well.
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These are all GREAT. This might be one of your best Top Ten lists. At least in the top ten.
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Aw. Thank you.
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It’s 2022 now, and we need to be more inclusive. “Waiting?” “Turn?” Can you please explain what these strange words mean first. I live in India you see.
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It means hold back until you see someone too slow to stop you.
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