This post originally ran on August 8th, 2014. I still like the advice and hope you enjoy it.
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Here is the 59th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do. The inspiration for this came from standing in several lines Hope you like it.
Top Ten Things Not to do if You Find Yourself Waiting Your Turn
10 If you are in line at a ferry, do not turn off your car. If you do, at best, the minute you do, the line will start moving. At worst, your car won’t start, and the friendly folks behind you will figure out a way to heave your vehicle over the side of the access terminal into thirty feet of water.
9. If you are in line at the pharmacy, do not try to eavesdrop on the confidential medical briefing of the person in front of you. If you do, at best, you may hear something that your ears won’t forgive or forget. At worst, the store will hit you with a HIPPA violation and send you to the back of the line again.
8. If you are in line at the ten items or less express checkout at the supermarket, do not comment on the twenty items the person ahead of you has just laid on the counter. If you do, at best, you will hear the old excuse, “Oh, I didn’t notice that this was ten items or less.” At worst, you will be savagely attacked by a seemingly quiet, unassuming person who (unknown to you ) was just released from a psychiatric hospital due to the lack of funding.
7. If you are in line at a movie theatre, do not groan loudly when the person in front of you wants to know the movie’s rating. If you do, At best, you will need to suffer through other questions like, “How long does it run?” At worst, you will be faced with the spouse of the person in front of you wondering what your problem is and asking you kindly to cut them some slack while showing you a close-up of a fist.
6. If you are in line at a convenience store, do not make any comments about a person in front of you who wants to pick out the specific scratch–off ticket but can’t make up their mind. If you do, at best, you make have to explain your problem when asked. At worst, you will need to apologize for your impatience when you learn that the ticket is being purchased as a twenty-fifth wedding anniversary present.
5. If you are in line at the bank, do not prompt the half-asleep person standing in front of you behind the wait here line that a teller is open. If you do, at best, the person may pop awake and think you are being fresh. At worst, the person will take offense since they were not paying attention and ask you something about “Where’s the fire?”
4. If you are in line at the doctor’s office, do not complain to the receptionist about how valuable you consider your time. If you do, At best, you will be waiting twice as long since the receptionist just had an argument with the doctor about how little she makes. At worst, the receptionist will somehow lose your place, and you will still be there when the doctor and the receptionist leave for the night, asking you to come back tomorrow.
3. If you are waiting to be served at one of the hottest bars in town, do not wave at the bartender. If you do, at best, he will simply wave back and wait on others. At worst, the bartender will finally give you the old what’ll you have and then tell you they don’t have it, and maybe they will across the street.
2. If you are waiting to be seated in a trendy restaurant, do not think you will be seated without tipping the Matre D. If you do, At best, you will finally have to break down and either tip or go elsewhere. At worst, you will get a seat in the bar just as they are starting the fastest cigar smoker contest and there are twenty-four contestants all lighting up at the same time.
1. If you find yourself waiting in line at Starbucks, do not try to cut the line. If you do, at best, you will be chastised by the teenage barista. At worst, your double decaf, soy, low foam latte will have a taste resembling the faint essence of dirty socks, and you should not ask why.