Photo by charlesdeluvio on Unsplash
The inspiration for this list is my friend Tom. He sent me an e-mail with a list of ten things to do to be happy. Of course, my schtick is “things not to do,” so I turned it around a little. I hope you enjoy the list.
Top Ten Things Not to Do if You Want to Remain an Unhappy Grump
10 If you want to remain unhappy, do not take care of your health. If you don’t take care at best, you’ll have a lot to complain about. At worst, we will all be glad to be rid of you. (Not a nice thing to say at the memorial service, eh, Ralph?)
9 If you want to remain unhappy, do not engage in a hobby that you are passionate about. If you don’t engage, at best, you’ll have nothing to talk about with others. At worst, Tiny, the WWF champ, will engage you in his hobby. (Tiny loves to bounce grumpy people off hardwood floors, Ace. Is that him heading your way now?)
8 If you want to remain unhappy, do not connect with some good friends and laugh heartily. If you don’t connect, at best, the frown will become permanent. At worst, you’ll become that old guy that people call in for a welfare check. (Better put away that hash pipe Stewart. The police are checking on you again.)
7 If you want to remain unhappy, do not concern yourself with having enough income and bank balance to live comfortably. If you aren’t concerned, at best, you could collect aluminum cans. At worst, trying to make a living with that “Will Work for Food” scam is tough. (Is that snow falling, Skipper? It might be time to call it a day.)
6 If you want to remain unhappy, do not help disadvantaged people in any way you can. If you don’t help, at best, you’ll keep your Howard Hughes profile. At worse, you need not expect anyone to give you a hand when you need it. (Forget that lift to the gas station, which is only ten miles from here, Dork)
5 If you want to remain unhappy, do not travel to new places with friends and family. If you don’t travel, at best, you can keep looking at those travel magazines. At worst, you will believe your trip to the corner store is a major outing. (You want to try a different direction this time, Ferd?)
4 If you want to remain unhappy, do not listen to music you like. If you don’t listen, at best, you can hum that same tune off-key. At worst, you’ll fall for every conspiracy theory proffered on talk radio. (I see you have your new tin foil hat in place, Nerd.)
3 If you want to remain unhappy, do not take pleasure in seeing your children grow into fine individuals who do well for themselves. If you don’t take the pleasure, at best, you can cuddle that fur ball you call a cat. At worse, maybe you can apply to adopt a grandpa and take pleasure in someone else’s kids. (Of course, you have to be nice, Putz.)
2 If you want to remain unhappy, do not read a book that is of interest. If you don’t read, at best, those coloring books may help. At worse, you can stay glued to the TV and go from one mindless show to the next. (With any luck, most will be reruns. Excuse me, but does it feel like your brain is running out of your ears, Slug?)
1 If you want to remain unhappy, expect everyone to give you what you need, and do not accept what life throws at you. If you want this attitude, at best, you should not leave the house. At worst, every day will be a monumental hill of disappointment to climb. (You are the pessimist’s pessimist, Roy. I’m glad you don’t live next door to me.)
Fiction Favorites 
Love these, John! 😁 Have a wonderful week. Hugs 💕🙂
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Thank you, Harmony. Have a great week too. 🤗
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“Roy, I’m glad you don’t like next to me.” Hilarious! Great list, John, and you made your point well by showing the consequence of each choice. 😄
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Thanks, Gwen. Glad you liked them.
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It’s a great list, John. Good to see Tiny again, but sadly, there are some people who have perfected this art form. I hope you have a nice happy week.
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Thank you, Dan. If I don’t have a nice happy week it will be my fault. Wishing the same for you. 😁
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Great advice today, John. Have a great week ahead!
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You as well, Jill. Thank you. 😊
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I know exactly who ALL of this applies to! I dare not make him read it!
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Ha ha ha. You might casually leave it laying around. Thanks, GP. 😊
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Interesting list.
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Thanks, Charles.
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What a great flipping of the original list. There’s absolutely nothing worse than a grump — a continually complaining, negative person. I can be grumpy from time to time, but the last thing I’d want is to become an honest-to-goodness, get-off-my-lawn sort of grump.
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I try to avoid being a grump as well. I like the “get-off-my-lawn” descriptor, Linda.
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Sounds like it would probably work.
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😊
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Sad to say that some people enjoy being grumpy. I don’t like being around negative people. Another great list, John.
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I know several folks who could benefit from this list. They’re the ones I’ve muted on Facebook.
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Tin foil hat. Ha!
Thanks for the morning chuckles, John.
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*takes notes*
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my fav….🤣”we will all be glad to be rid of you. (Not a nice thing to say at the memorial service, eh, Ralph?)”
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Ha ha ha. I liked that one too, Cindy. (I know I talk like I didn’t write it)
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hahahaaha .. it was a good one! 💗👏
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😁
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Excellent behaviors to avoid, John. A great top-ten list filled with wisdom!
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Thank you, Jan
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Some people DO want to be a grump, and it seems they follow their own version of your list. 🙂
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I agree with you , Tim. Seems like a real waste of time but there they are.
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Great ones, John, and I think we’ll all remember to do the opposite. Although I do know some inveterate grumps!
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I know some too. Noelle. I’m glad to be on the other side.
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All good ones. We do usually have a choice.
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I believe that too.
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I’m guilty of one or two of these, lol. I have another: If you want to remain unhappy remember to walk away after starting dinner. At best, it will only take a week to air out the house. At worst, you can order in pizza and deal with the consequences 🙂
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Good one, Jacquie. Love it
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Thankfully, you are not one of these! (I first read the heading as If you want to remain an unhappy GRAMP… I thought, that can’t be!)
Happy Monday, John!
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Ha ha ha. Thanks, Dale. Glad that got cleared up.
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He he he!
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To be or not to be…grumpy that is. 😁
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A choice I believe. These top ten lists (weekly on Monday) poke fun at folks who seem too privileged to live among us peasants. Grumpy folks are like that.
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I hope this advice finds its way to everyone who is unhappy, and it provides the foundation for turning that frown upside down, John!😀
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Or causes them to explode in their unhappiness. Thanks, Bruce.
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All of these make perfect sense, John, though I have to say #1 bordered on profound. We choose our attitudes, actions, and reactions.
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Yes we do. Watch who you are calling profound. 😁
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Lol.
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😁
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Excellent stategies for staying a grump! Hopefully, a few neighborhood curmudgeons will read and heed.
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Yes they need encouragement for sure. Thanks, Liz
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You’re welcome, John.
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😊
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Good advice, John!
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Thank you, Jo. 😊
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😁😁😁 Wonderful set, dear John! Useful for so many people! The conclusion: let’s enjoy life while we can. 🍤🍤🍤🍻
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Yes I believe that as well. 🥂🍰
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#8 is one of the biggest ways I maintain my mental health. I need to be around and interact with people to be my happiest.
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Like the song says, “people who need people are the luckiest people.” Thanks for sharing, Pete.
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Outstanding list, John … and so true. Nothing much worse than one of those old grumps who blame everybody else for their problems and do nothing to make things better.
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I agree, Debbie. Thanks for the comment.
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What a great list, John! Happy Valentine’s Day! 🥰
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Thank you, Lauren. Happy Valentine’s Day to you.
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Funny but very wise, John!
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Thank you, Priscilla. 😁
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Great advice for the grumps, John! Glad Tiny was there, too.
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He couldn’t stay away.
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I’m so glad! 😀
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😊
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Reblogged this on darkofficehumour and commented:
Satire, as I like it!
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Thak you for sharing my post, Ankur.
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I have taken the liberty to reblog this post. Check yr inbox for the royalty invoice 🙂
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Ha ha ha. I don’t know where I will spend the penny but thank you.
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Ten negative commandments for grumpy people with a positive effect!
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Thank you, Peter. 😁
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😀
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Glad you liked it. 😁
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These are great! Unfortunately, some people do subscribe to them. Sigh. Perhaps they want to be unhappy and grumpy.
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So true, Darlene. Not you and I though. 😁
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Well, it’s too late for me, John.
I’m miserably HAPPY!
Funny stuff.
🐂 😂 (📦-🐝) 🙄 OX 💋(🦊-f)
Life is a potpourri of emoji!
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(📦-🐝) + (🦊-f) + (🧦- s) + (🧊 + n) + (🎯- d +sm) = 🐑
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Ok…ok let me think!
OX + OX + OCKS (hehehe)+ Icen? OHHH you mean ….+. n+🧊 + art = Sheep.
OH! me as in ewe.
Aren’t 🐑 a 🦌!
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The last word is smart (dart – d +SM). I think we may be creating a whole new language here. OX
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Uch… I knew that, then got stupid and defaulted to art… which isn’t so far off the $$$! OX
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So true. Art is 🐑
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Thank 🐑!
🎨= m+🐝-be
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🐑 R 🎨
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📦en ….. b+🐂🐂
Sometimes there’s more than 1 way to say something!
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True. OX 🐂 (📦 – b) 😘🤗
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Yes, a new language is on the horizon. The crazy thing is, many will understand! BOXEN!
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I think you are right.
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I love being unhappy, so get off my cloud.
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Yes sir. I’m moving now.
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