Photo by Nina Strehl on Unsplash
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The inspiration for this list comes up all the time. I, of course, have had the presence of mind not to say any of these things. Not that I have not wanted to say them, but I just never wanted to practice a scorched Earth policy when it comes to people living next door.
Top Ten Things You Should Never Say to Your Neighbor
10 Do not say to your neighbor, “I see you have a fine crop of weeds.” If you do, at best, you will get ignored. At worst, you get an offer to come over and take care of them. (Who wants to weed the neighbor’s lawn? You Bunky?)
9 Do not say to your neighbor, “That music is a little loud.” If you do, at best, you might get someone to turn it down. At worst, around midnight, the music will be cranked up to the pain level. (And the drunk neighbor is in his underwear, making rude gestures toward your bedroom window.)
8 Do not say to your neighbor, “We have covenants against that dog barking.” If you do, at best, the neighbor will tell you what to do with the covenant. At worst, he will think it funny to release the slobbering and apparently irascible beast in your direction. (You never knew you could run that fast. Did you?)
7 Do not say to your neighbor, “You know Sundays are for quiet.” If you do, at best, your neighbor will spend extra time with that leaf blower making sure his lawn is just right. At worst, he will take the rest of the day to work on that oak tree using the dullest chainsaw known to man. (Is that your rear molars I hear cracking?)
6 Do not say to your neighbor, “You know we are under water restrictions.” If you do, at best, your neighbor will give you a smile and keep watering the street. At worst, your neighbor will take today as the opportunity to fill the pool, wash the car, test the sprinkling system, and take a bath. (I guess he will show you how to spend $300.00)
5 Do not say to your neighbor, “You are supposed to get your paint color approved before you paint.” If you do, at best, your neighbor will continue to paint and get approval later. At worst, your neighbor will stop brush painting the delicate gray and start rolling the Barnie Purple. (No good deed goes unpunished, does it?)
4 Do not say to your neighbor, “Is that fence approved?” If you do, at best, you will get an offer to pay attention to something that is your business. At worst, you will be the proud half-owner of an eight-foot-tall wire fence that has a fine barbed wire at the top on one side of your property. (Might come in handy to keep the neighbors at home, though.)
3 Do not say to your neighbor, “I don’t think I will be able to support your kid’s school’s popcorn sales event this year. If you do, at best, you will be guilted into participating anyway. At worst, you will keep having midnight phone calls. (And there is never anyone there. You swear you can hear the faint sound of popcorn popping in the background.)
2 Do not say to your neighbor, “Can you give us a hand on the clean-up project this weekend?” If you do at best, you will get a straight “no.” At worst, you will have to listen to all the reasons why helping out is not part of what the neighbor signed up for when moving in. (Hard to stay awake, isn’t it?)
1 Do not say to your neighbor, “How about picking up that poop.” If you do, at best, you will get a suggestion for self-romance. At worst, you will get into a big argument and eventually end up wearing the poop. (Didn’t quite turn out the way you thought, did it?)
Fiction Favorites 
I like the ‘self-romance’ phrase, John 😂🤣😂
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Thanks, Chris. PG blog you know. 🤣
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When we first moved into our house, my neighbor pointed out something that was growing in our yard. He rattled off the correct scientific name and then added, “it’s considered a weed.” I pointed out that it was green, and I had more important projects. That “weed” is still part of our yard.
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I moved into Darien Connecticut in 1979 and had a New York plate on the car. (I had picked up the car in New York) My neighbor came over and told me how much Connecticut folks hate New Yorkers, and suggested I get a new plate.The real reason is he was concerned that I was avoiding Connecticut vehicle taxes. I eventually moved to Wilton and was glad to be rid of him.
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Haha – I can imagine not missing that guy.
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Really.
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Sometimes it’s best to choose your battles. Great reminder, John.
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I have some of those neighbors.
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Ha ha ha. Good luck.
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I keep thinking of home owners associations.
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Yes indeed.
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That was my thought, too, Charles.
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😊
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I had to laugh at # 5, because we once had a purple house in town – I always wondered what the deal was!!
I know no one wants the poop on their lawn, but, the poop is biodegradable and those little plastic bags aren’t. What’s best?
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The sad part about poop is it carries parasites which can transmit disease to kids and pets. What’s best indeed. Thanks, GP.
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Great examples and Ten Things. Thankfully, we have great neighbors, but your examples fit many of the stories I’ve heard from others in this HOA community. Some of the situations are hilarious because people don’t like rules and do crazy things to underscore their frustration. 😄
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I always wonder about people who move into HOA communities and then proceed to break rules they knew about before the moved in. A form of self appointed privilege.🙄
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So true! One guy moved next to the HOA president, then launched a war of sorts. Both sides hired attorneys… I suspect the guy lost because he finally took down all the inflated animals and whatnot in his front yard. Yep…and that is only part of the showdown. It was nuts! 🙄
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Why idiots do that is a wonder to me. Just live somewhere else.
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We’d love to say #7 to the neighbor behind us. And I did say #1 when I witnessed their teenager letting their dog use my yard and then walked away without picking it up.
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I always hate that. Would like to pick it up and toss it on the offenders roof.
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A purple house? Yuck! When my brother lived in Midland, Texas, there was a house there that was Pepto Bismol pink. And yes, I wanted to throw up every time I passed by.
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We had one of those at the coast. UGLY
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This one was atrocious! 🙂
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Thanks for the smiles. Oh, those neighbours …
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Thank you, Alison. 😁
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Unfortunately, all of these questions get asked in our community now, with our super restrictive HOA.
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I’m sure
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Neighbors are a little like family. You get to pick them one time kinda like when you get married. The rest of the time they just move in without much warning…
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Ha ha ha.
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Gee, sometimes people make it hard to live with one another, don’t they? I suspect it’s better to choose your battles … and possibly turn a blind eye to things that don’t concern you.
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I suppose you are right, Debbie.
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Neighbours can be such a pain…
I just drove by a semi-detached house in which one side is painted Barney Purple! I kid you not…Can you imagine the folks on the other half of the house? Yeah, come for dinner, you can’t miss us… we live right beside Barney’s abode…
Happy Monday, John.
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That is just plain hateful of the Barney group.
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I hear ya…
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😊
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All good advise. I wish a nieghbor or two would have followed it 🙂
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Would be nice wouldn’t it?
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I try to stay on my neighbors’ good side at all times John, and consider myself excellent at thinking of others who are nearby at all times. That being said, I do think I might just have to print flyers up with this advice and stick one in everyone’s mail box so they can contemplate the error(s) of their ways lol.
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Good idea. Keep my name on it. If anyone calls I’ll tell them you did it.
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🤣
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🤣
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These all ring true. Best to bite your lip at times. But I am not responsible for what my husband says at times!
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Lucky to have him do the dirty work. 😁
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Good ones, John. The suggestion for self-romance phrase cracked me up. 🙂 I’m lucky to have great neighbors.
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Thank you, Tim. That was one of my favorite sentences. 😁
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For obvious reasons, my husband and I have refrained from telling one neighbor to quit shooting off his damn guns in a residential neighborhood.
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Ha ha ha.That is a good one, Liz.
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It would be funny if it weren’t true.
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🫣
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We thought for sure there would be a town ordinence against it, but there isn’t. As long as you’re not within 300 feet of a residence, shoot away!
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Good grief. In our town that would land you in jail. No firearm discharges of any kind allowed.
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Gun control? We don’t need no stinkin’ gun control. (Needless to say, we had bought our house long before the yahoos moved in across the street.)
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You are a saint.
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Hardly . . .
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😊
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… a suggestion for self-romance. lol, I’ve never heard it put that way 🙂
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Ha ha ha. Thanks, Jacquie.
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I have found that with most neighbors, the less I share the better.
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Wise words, Pilgrim.
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These are funny but all too true!
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Thanks, Priscilla.
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Oh my! All good. Your #1 is my biggest pet peeve in life. I’ve been known to leave notes before. 🙂
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Mine too.
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Oh, neighbours! Whatever you say won’t be enough, dear John! Thank you for this cruel realistic list. 😐🍤🍤🍤🍻
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My pleasure, Maria. It is cruel for sure. 😁
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I’ve wanted to say a few of these, but my lips are sealed. 🙂 Good list, John!
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Ha ha ha. Thanks, Lauren.
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This is classic! I know one or two of those neighbors.
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I think I know ten.
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😅
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😁
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Thank God you never said any of those things. Jasus!!! (The way us Irish pronounce it. So don’t give me no crap about it.)
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Understand the freckin’ concept of Jasus.
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