Top Ten Things Not to Do While Bungee Jumping.

~ John W. Howell
Photo by Jeffrey Grospe on Unsplash

This post first appeared on February 27th, 2017. Since its purpose was simple humor, I think running again is okay.

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The inspiration for this list was the desire to do a top ten post that would provide no useful information but just an attempt at humor. I picked bungee jumping since most of you have never contemplated doing something that obscure. If you have, then all the better. I hope you enjoy the list, even though it may not apply to you.

Top Ten Things Not to Do While Bungee Jumping.

10 While Bungee jumping, do not attempt to light your smoke. If you do, at best, you’ll still be trying at the bottom of the jump. At worst, you’ll be successful, and between the highs and lows of the leap, your shirt is now on fire. (Tough to put out with this wind, huh, Bunky?)

9 While Bungee Jumping, do not attempt to tighten your ankle cuffs. If you do at best, you will turn the keys properly for tightening. At worst, you’ll be confused and loosen them instead. (Sure feels funny this free-flight thing, huh, Pilgrim?)

8 While Bungee jumping, do not try to impress your friends with too many acrobatics. If you do, at best, that Triple Lux comes off without a hitch. At worst, you have extended the Bungee cords about one foot too far. (You could have used that foot when you hit the canyon floor, Buford?)

7 While Bungee jumping, do not try to eat your leftover Pad Thai mid-air. If you do, at best, you might get a bite or two. At worst, you’ll finish the jump looking like the after photo of a food fight. (If careful, you can save some of those noodles, Buster.)

6 While Bungee jumping, do not group text your friends. If you do, At best, your text won’t be understood. At worst, the auto-correct feature will alienate every friend you have. (You thought the message, “Best of Luck to You,” would be well received, huh, Leroy?”)

5 While Bungee jumping, do not edit your latest manuscript. If you do, at best, you get one or two words covered before the first bounce. At worst, the wind will take your manuscript and spread it over several miles. (Should have numbered those pages, huh, Slick?)

4 While Bungee jumping, do not close your eyes on the way down. If you do, at best, you might miss the good parts. At worst, the ride personnel will assume you’ve passed out and throw you into an EMS vehicle despite your protestations. (Who ever heard of someone taking a nap on a bungee jump, Ferd?)

3 While Bungee jumping, do not jump before taking care of that 32 oz Big Gulp drink you just finished. If you do, at best, you’ll feel like a full watermelon when the g-forces hit you at the bottom. At worst, you treat all the bystanders to a show at your expense. (Now, where will you find some dry pants, Tex?)

2 While Bungee jumping, do not turn the GoPro camera to capture your face. If you do, at best, you forgot to turn it on. At worst, the video of you screaming like a kid will go viral. (You could have taken some beautiful shots of the valley, but no, you had to be a hero, huh, Ralph?)

1 While Bungee jumping, do not forget to tip the cuff connector guy. If you do, at best, you can take care of it after the jump is over. At worst, Tiny, the WWF champ, was highly offended you forgot him. (That ground comes up fast without those bothersome lines huh, Burt?)

72 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do While Bungee Jumping.”

  9. Heights and I don’t tango well. Looking at NYC from the observation deck at the Empire State Building was a thrill I won’t forget. But a bungee jump? It’s an experience I’d only have in a nightmare. Hilarious Top Ten Things, John. 😄

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I bungee jumped years ago – so much fun – but I sure wouldn’t recommend drinking the Big Gulp or asking for extra sauerkraut on my hotdog before jumping. That equates to a serious cleanup on aisle four.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Yeah. No. I like some adventurous things and I think I’d jump out of a plane with parachute, of course, before throwing myself at the mercy of an elastic cord (both of these my son has done, by the way.)

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Just a thought, can you imagine all the loose change on the ground under a bungee jumping site? Have a great week John.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Great advice, John 🙂 I always wanted to bungee jump way back in the day. Now its off my bucket list… lol.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Solid advice, John, though I can’t say I’ve seriously contemplated doing this. I still hope to skydive at some point, but bungee jumping is totally out of the question.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Dear John
    we never even thought of bungee jumping. Even looking at it we felt really funny. Whereas our two Bookfayries don’t have any problems with it. Well, they fly down.
    Keep well
    The Fab Four of Cley
    🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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