Top Ten Things Not to Do When Texting

~ John W. Howell

 

Photo by Kelli McClintock on Unsplash

 

This post ran on February 13, 2017. Since folks are still texting, it may still be helpful. I hope you enjoy it.

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The inspiration for this list came to me when I inadvertently sent a text to the wrong person. Luckily there was nothing in the text that might be embarrassing but caused my fiction mind to go into overdrive. I hope you enjoy it.

Top Ten Things Not to Do When Texting

10 When texting, do not use acronyms that you don’t understand. If you do, at best, you might be misunderstood. At worst, you may shock the receiver with your lack of social grace. (You thought WTF meant “Why the Fuss,” didn’t you, Ferd? Too bad Nun Mary Teresa was the recipient of your misunderstanding.)

9 When texting, check to whom you are sending the message. If you don’t, at best, your message will provide some laughs. At worst, that disparaging comment about Tiny, the WWF champ’s mother, will go right to him by mistake. (You could have sworn you were messaging your best friend only to discover you replied to Tiny’s last text to you where he threatened to break your leg. Don’t look, but he’s heading toward you now, Buford.)

8 When texting, do not rely on auto-correct to cover your mistakes. If you do, at best, you will need to explain that last text. At worst, you just sent a group text to the garden club where you explained that the male Pinto plant needed to be placed inside a moist verdant vessel. (Well, that sure didn’t come out the way you intended, did it, Alice?)

7 When texting, do not rely on voice to text as a time saver. If you do, at best, your numerous repeats will make it a longer process. At worst, your voice recognition program only understands Cambridge English, and you are from New Jersey. (Good luck with that bit of technology, Bunky. BTW Homeland Security thinks you want to blow something up.)

6 When texting, do not include a duck-faced or tongue-out selfie with an obscene gesture thrown in. If you do, at best, you’ll demonstrate your lack of originality and IQ. At worst, your selfie will be passed from phone to phone until it ends up with your boss. (That call from HR can’t be good, huh, Bosco?)

5 When texting, do not send pictures of your food. If you do, at best, folks will think you need a hobby. At worst, you will demonstrate a cry for help that needs intervention. (How is that good feelings camp treating you, Tex?)

4 When Texting, do not use technology to wish someone a happy Valentine’s Day as your only effort. If you do, at best, you’ll never have a relationship with that person. At worst, the resultant storm will not be assuaged without some very expensive make-up gifts. (Seemed like an easy way out, huh, Pard?)

3 When texting, do not use emojis to express what should be said in person or in words. If you do, at best, you’ll be seen as an automaton. At worst, you will receive emojis back that have at the core a message telling you to place your phone in a very dark place. (You don’t know where those emojis came from, do you, Buster?)

2 When texting, do not do it while in a social situation. If you do, at best, you will look up and find yourself alone. At worst, the rest of the group will take your action as being disinterested in the event or them and ignore you for the rest of the evening. (Let’s hope you even notice, Clod.)

1 When texting, do not drive a car or operate machinery. If you do, at best, you’ll escape with no consequences. At worst, you’ll hurt someone with your negligence. (You’ll have to live with that the rest of your life, Dope.)

90 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do When Texting”

  2. On #5, I’ve told a few bloggers about that (I don’t text BTW). I said, if you’re going to make me hungry for what you ate for lunch, the least you could is include the recipe!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I worked for a guy in NJ at one time and he kept telling me he office address was “thurdy thurd and turd” no wonder my reports were always late!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Excellent advice having had the misfortune of sending a text to an unintended recipient I can can testify it’s to be avoided at all costs. Thanks for the reminder. Auto correct can get us in a lot of trouble 😈😊

    Liked by 1 person

  11. John,
    I believe I’ve checked off 8 of your points. I need to revisit my bad habits. Thanks for the laughs and the good advice.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Still relevant, John … perhaps now more than ever! I understand autocorrect, but it truly angers me sometimes. How dare “they” think they know what I mean to say?!?

    Liked by 1 person

  18. John, great list. All good reasons why I hate texting including your fat thumb comment. I finally perfected my smoke signal skills and now everyone wants to text.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Always such sound advice, Birthday Boy! You would think people would have learned by now not to text and drive!

    Happy Birthday, John! xoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Someone should write a book about all of the hysterical auto-correct texts. How often have I reminded myself to check before hitting send, only to do the same thing again?

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I have so many different images of Tiny’s mother in my head, from Jed Clampett’s mother to Arnold Schwarzenegger’s mother. I’m with you on #1.

        Liked by 1 person

  25. “The inspiration for this list came to me when I inadvertently sent a text to the wrong person.” (So true!)

    I don’t text anymore and this is the reason why:

    About seven years ago I was texting with three woman at the same time. With two of ’em it was just every day yakity, yak stuff. With the third, I reckon you’d call it sexting. Yeah, you got it. Someone got a text they shouldn’t have.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I sent a text to my boss meant for my wife. “Hey beautiful how you doing?” He answered, “Just fine. You been drinking?” We got a big laugh and then he reminded me of the no personal use of company Blackberrys.

      Like

  26. Pingback: Smorgasbord Blogger Spotlight – 26th May 2023 #Laughter Pete Springer, #Poetry Elizabeth Gauffreau, #Texting John W. Howell, #Chess Stevie Turner, #Eurovision Janet Gogerty, #Genres Jacqui Murray, #Florence D.G. Kaye | Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

  27. John, this is valuable advice many should read. Auto ‘incorrect’ as I prefer to call it is a nightmare, lol. And your number 4 really hit home – do not use technology to send birthday and holiday wishes. Here’s another for you, don’t use this method when someone dies either. When your husband dies and your sister still hasn’t called you two years later, but sent an ‘I’m sorry text’ when it happened. Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  30. 2017? Nothing has changed re: texting.

    I would have added not to text sexy pics (sexting). At worst you could wind up being Weiner’s roommate.

    Always a laugh reading these lists, John!
    😂X 😂X 😂X 😂X

    Liked by 1 person

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