Top Ten Things Not To Do on a Golf Cart

~ John W. Howell
Photo by Gene Gallin on Unsplash

 

The golf cart has become a significant form of transportation here in Lakeway. Mainly because the town was built around several golf courses. This post originally ran on December 4, 2017. Since I see golf carts everywhere, I think it is still valid.

10 If you are on a golf cart, do not think the safety belts are there as a bit of humor. If you do, at best, you’ll get a $150.00 ticket. At worst, you will find yourself outside the cart at the first bump. (You didn’t think nineteen miles per hour could cause you to pitch out onto the street, right, Chadwick?)

9 If you are on a golf cart, do not expect Tiny, the WWF champ who has just left his weight training class, to yield to you. If you do, at best, you will miss each other in the middle of the street. At worst, Tiny will stop your cart and then show you how he can press the hardware with you on it. (Watch that trip down when Tiny drops the whole mess on the street, Chalmar.)

8 If you are on a golf cart, do not think you can ignore the traffic rules. If you do, at best, you’ll get a warning. At worst, you and the cart will be under arrest. (You gotta envy the fact that the cart gets to stay outside the jail, don’t you, Chas?)

7 If you are on a golf cart, do not try a turn at full speed. If you do, at best, you may blow a tire. At worst, as you take the curve on two wheels, all your belongings and half your family will be dumped on the street. (You will have a tough time explaining your maneuver to those in the emergency room, Chauncy.)

6 If you are on a golf cart, do not think you can go twenty miles an hour under the speed limit on the main road. If you do, at best, you’ll realize soon you need to get off. At worst, an irate driver will help you, along with little concern for your welfare. (You didn’t know a golf cart being pushed by an eighteen-wheeler could go that fast, did you, Chetwin? Also, you didn’t have that white hair before the lift, did you?)

5 If you are on a golf cart, do not think you can carry more people than the number of places to sit. If you do, at best, the golf cart won’t have enough power to move. At worst, you will lose a couple of the standing-room-only passengers on the first turn. (You say one of those thrown into a cactus patch was your boss, Clemens?)

4 If you are on a golf cart, do not think you have the right of way because you are smaller. If you do, at best, you’ll just get an air horn warning. At worst, you will be trying to return a flattened golf cart. (The cart store proprietor doesn’t have much of a sense of humor, does he, Clovis?)

3 If you are on a golf cart, do not think the police will ignore drinking and driving. If you do, at best, your friends won’t let you drive. At worst, you’ll try to explain to the officer why you think a golf cart is just a toy. (Looks like the punishment is the same as a car, Cowen. Hope you have a spare $15,000.)

2 If you are on a golf cart, do not think you have to wave to everyone you pass. If you do, at best, you’ll be taken as an idiot. At worst, people will think you are a politician and will chase you off the beach. (Oh, you are, in fact, running for office, Creighton. I would move off the beach fast.)

1 If you are on a golf cart, do not think you have to display several flags. If you do, at best, folks will think you work for the circus. At worst, all that flapping in the wind will slow you down and make you lose your hearing. (You think that the “It’s five o’clock somewhere” flag is unique, don’t you, Cydney?)

80 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not To Do on a Golf Cart”

  6. Good to see that Tiny is back in all his usual good humor!
    Now I have to figure out how to put this list on my neighbor’s cart as he shoots down the street, going top speed (and I think his cart is souped-up!)

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I frequently see teenagers driving golf carts in our neighborhood, and very few of them take safety precautions or follow traffic rules. There have been accidents with injuries – too scary.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Sorry… I can’t do golf carts right now. We got slammed with 23 cm (10 inches) of snow and it’s still falling…
    Unless you’ve got some with snow tires?

    Liked by 1 person

  11. VERY apropos for today since I spent three hours on a golf cart tour at the NC Zoo yesterday! And I must admit I wanted to push the accelerator since our guide seemed determined to keep to 1 mph (but he was good driver!)

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Great advice, John 🙂 I have not been in a golf cart since I was a girl, way back then there were no safety belts and I loved driving them.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I despise these things. Around here, they’re usually unlicensed, overloaded, unwilling to abide by traffic signals, and carry too many untrained dogs and unsecured children. If the people who write the laws about their use would enforce those laws, things would be better. (See: shoplifting and unprovoked assault.) Grumpgrumpgrump.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I’m kind of with Linda (shoreacres) on this one. Golf carts really belong on a golf course, not on main roads. I’ve seen a few in my community (mostly driven by kids, who seem to think they’re just oversized toys). Now I’ll hop off my soapbox!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. I haven’t driven one in ages, but from my experience it is best to “test-drive” a golf cart before speeding through the course. I came close to becoming embedded in a sand trap once…not my ball…the cart.

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  18. The only time I’ve ridden in or driven these carts is at a large college, where I needed to get to various campus locations for meetings. It took a while to get used to the electrical brakes. Got a few stories on that one. 😉

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  21. Some of the comments here are as funny as your list, John 😉 My former office is near a development that had a golf course and encouraged golf carts to be used as general transportation. I went to great pains to avoid them when I went on my lunchtime walks. Once I saw a teenager drive his golf cart into a mailbox. He was looking behind for some goodness-knows-what reason. I saw the whole thing, my mouth hanging open in shock. He took off, of course, although I’m pretty sure he saw me see him. I called the cops and let them know since I expected they would hear from the homeowners. I can hope that he damaged the golf cart enough to provoke the ire of his parents 😉

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  23. Good list, John. I don’t golf much, but one of the funniest things I ever saw was watching a guy accidentally drive a cart into a water hole. Fortunately, he was fine. (Not sure about the cart>)

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  31. You are kidding me. These things are allowed to drive on roads, alongside regular cars? Someone could get hurt. And not the car occupants. BTW, the carts on courses in India do not have seat belts. At least I have never seen them used. But hang on, by that logic, I haven’t seen even occupants of regular cars on regular roads use seat belts.

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