Top Ten Things Not to Do at a Super Bowl Celebration

~ John W. Howell
Photo by City Church Christchurch on Unsplash

 

Since the Superbowl is this weekend, I thought I would pull some advice from a January 26th, 2015 post. It all seems to be relevant.

 

Top Ten Things Not to Do at a Super Bowl Celebration

10 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not arrive wearing team clothing for a team that is not playing. If you do, at best, everyone will think you are a sore loser or are drunk.  At worst, the crowd may come to the conclusion you’ve had a stroke or burst aneurysm and call for EMT support, and you will end up watching the game on a fifteen-inch screen next to the nurse’s station while waiting for an attending physician.

9 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, remember that many people like to watch the ads. If you forget and stand in front of the TV during commercial time, at best, you will be called many names in the process of getting you to move. At worst, the most enormous guy in the room wanting to demonstrate his downfield tackling expertise will use you as his dummy.

8 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not carry in your famous crab dip that must be kept at forty-two degrees or become a hazardous waste site. If you do, at best, the temp will stay near the required amount, and only one or two will be overcome. At worst, there will be no way to keep the dip cold enough, and you will have singlehandedly wiped out a full production day on Monday for several of the attendees, not to mention hurried trips to the ER for a prophylactic pump of the stomach

7 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not believe your host’s offer “to make yourself at home.”  If you do, at best, you will be embarrassed when someone asks you to take your feet off the couch. At worst, you will be totally shocked to discover the room you decided to use for a bath is the overflow bathroom for the party, and you will spend a good amount of time under the water.

6 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not be tempted to look into any drawers or behind any closed doors. If you do, at best, only the homeowner will notice the disturbed contents. At worst, the host, being a techie nerd, has installed cameras in each room, which playback on the fifty-inch screen that is beside the game screen to the amusement of everyone at the party. (Except the one you came with)

5 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not think since the drinks are free, you should help yourself to the point of being over-served. If you do, at best, you might make a complete ass out of yourself, which others will find as typical of a low life. At worst, you will find yourself disoriented while actively looking for the bathroom, which you imagined you have found in the large bureau in the corner of a spare bedroom, shortly before passing out on the carpet.

4 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not think your duty includes eating a portion of everything that is laid out on the buffet table. If you do, at best, several people will believe you have lost your job or recently divorced.  At worst, your pile of food will be an indication that you need an intervention, which will be organized to take place after the game, to the embarrassment of you and the person with whom you attended the event.

3 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not be the first to suggest some kind of gambling scheme for the game. If you do, at best, several guests will think you make a living that way. At worst, you will have several disputes around who really won and will be forced to double-pay several to keep the peace.

2 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not become overly obnoxious when your team is ahead. If you do, at best, the lead will be short-lived. At worst, someone will take an exception to your attitude since they feel bad about their team being behind. As much as they have tried to remain under control, as they learned in group therapy sessions, they are just beginning to lose their grip on reality while holding your shirt.

1 If you are attending a Super Bowl celebration, do not even think of driving your car if you have been drinking. If you do, there is no best or worst, just the potential for disaster for you or an innocent bystander.

94 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do at a Super Bowl Celebration”

    1. What a nice thing to say Cazzy. Your blog has some wonderful posts. I’m going to follow you but know in advance I cannot get to each one since you post so frequently and I don’t have the time.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well I never remove anything and I don’t expect you to get to everything. Just have a good old poke around I try to categorise everything for ease of use so you can find things easier. So take a dip in my literary ocean and have a swim!

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        1. 😊 Always a big worry with my kids when they were old enough to drive. Wrote a contract with them that if they were charged with drinking and driving the next stop would be Hazleton Clinic in Minnesota for a six week program. All three say the threat kept them from doing that and I’m very thankful.

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  7. I violated number 10, John. Mandatory Super Bowl party during our company’s Annual Meeting. I wore Steelers gear, regardless. Less if they weren’t playing. For six years, the chairman of our Board was a man who grew up in Pittsburgh, so I was safe.

    #1 is definitely #1

    Liked by 3 people

  10. You know… I have been to a few Super Bowl parties and there are a number of people who break these rules… Must be why I am going to watch it from my own living room this year!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Yup, I’m one of those who likes to watch the ads. Sadly, too many nowadays are displayed online, taking away the excitement and anticipation. Still, it’s rude to block the TV from those who want to enjoy them again!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Why are they showing so many ads online already?! Except for the Clydesdale commercials. They are going to make me watch the entire game until they show that commercial. 🤨

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha ha ha. One time I was looking for soap in a persons house and opened the medicine cabinet and a ton of stuff fell out. You could not miss the clatter in the sink. Talk about a red face.

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  15. Sound advice here, John…which is why I like just hunkering down with Mrs. Chess and watch the game together. Super Bowl parties just distract me from the game…and the commercials, of course!

    Liked by 2 people

  18. I’ve attended these big game shindigs and had to deal with peeps who broke every single one of these rules. Which is why I don’t attend these big game shindigs any longer.

    Liked by 2 people

  19. For me it’s #9 – I hate it when someone stands in front of the TV during the ads or has a loud conversation! I haven’t been to one of these parties in years, but those ads saved a boring evening many a time.

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        1. I think she ought to sky dive from a B1 bomber trailing smoke and land on the 50 yard line wearing a sequinned jumpsuit just as the lyrics “Rockets red glare” are sung.

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  21. Great tips, John. One would think these were no brainers but then I marvel at how many people are clueless. And the there’s me who fell asleep in the 49er game during the famous catch.
    I’ve never lived that down🥹

    Liked by 3 people

  23. I won a sweepstakes to a Super Bowl in San Diego between the Raiders and Tampa Bay. It wasn’t a very close game, but everything else about that experience was magical. My wife couldn’t attend, so my son (4th grade) got to accompany me. Interestingly enough, he’s now a college football coach.

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  24. Oh, I must add another one to your list. Don’t decide to tell me your bean dip recipe with a tied score and there are thirty seconds left in the game.

    Liked by 1 person

  28. Excellent Super Bowl party advice, John. Even if you’re not a football fan, you need to be a little savvy about teams, etc. And food advice (crab dip) is especially helpful!

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  29. I remember when they would not broadcast the Super Bowl in the market where it was playing because they thought they’d lose ticket sales. I had to watch Super Bowl III (Joe Namath) at midnight. And they played the actual game in the afternoon with a high school marching band for half time entertainment. I think there was only a half hour pregame show. My how times have changed. Bread and circuses.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is an understatement. The cost of advertising on the Super Bowl has grown along with the ticket prices. Game III was about $11.00 for a general admission. A 30 second spot goes for $7,000,000.

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