This post ran on January 29, 2018. I think it still has some merit.
* * *
10 If you are at a gas station, do not buy and eat anything not in a sealed bag. If you do, at best, the food will be made today. At worst, you will be lucky enough to experience emergency room procedures firsthand. (Wow, that stomach pump was a real rush huh, Dalton?)
9 If you are at a gas station, do not think you can find that forgotten birthday present. If you do, at best, your lack of attention will be noted. At worst, that mug with the 7/11 logo will be coming back to you quicker than you imagined. (Who knew how fast a mug could travel and how hard it could hit. Right, Danny? Oh, and I would put some ice on that lump if I were you.)
8 If you are at a gas station, do not think the restroom is like home. If you do, at best, you’ll just look and move on. At worst, trying to use the bathroom without touching anything might not work well. (How you fell down is still a mystery, Darren. Also, I don’t think hand sanitizer is going to be enough for your whole body.)
7 If you are at a gas station, do not be rude to the help. If you do, at best, they will let you slip. At worst, Tiny, the WWF champ working there as part of his aggravated assault probation agreement, has just allowed the last rude customer to get by. (Looks like we have a straw that broke the camel’s back situation, Dane. I think I would make for the door and hope for the best.)
6 If you are at a gas station and the lines are long, do not insist on having a clerk run last year’s lotto tickets through the machine to see if you have a winner. If you do, at best, you will be told to come back when it is less busy. At worst, the people behind you will form a vigilante group and leave you tied up outside. (It seems like a drastic measure, doesn’t it? Dwane. Of course, most were grabbing some beer for the Superbowl, and kick-off was in ten minutes.)
5 If you are at a gas station, do not walk in the door in your ski mask. If you do, at best, no one will notice you since you are a customer. At worst, the guy behind the counter still has PTSD from the last robbery and has his finger on the panic alarm. (It was a little awkward explaining to the police you forgot about the mask, wasn’t it, Darrel. Now, with your hands cuffed behind your back and you on the floor, it is almost impossible.)
4 If you are at a gas station, do not fuel up and continue to puff on that cigar. If you do, at best, the wind will blow the fumes away. At worst, just when your tank is full and the automatic trigger doesn’t work, you realize there might be a massive fire. (Lucky you, Deven. You were able to toss that cigar well away. Next time, listen to me.)
3 If you are at a gas station, do not try to use the air pump. If you do, at best, it is out of order. At worst, you will feed it four quarters before you finally have enough air in your tire to limp to the tire store. (The worse part was skinning your knuckles on the rapid recoil of the hose, wasn’t it Doug?)
2 If you are at a gas station, do not ask for directions. If you do, at best, all you’ll get is a shrug. At worst, you’ll get directions that put you on county road three, which leads to the Twilight Zone. (What was it about that kid of eighteen with the wild stare that made you think he even knew where he was, let alone tell you how to get to grandma’s, Doyle?)
1 If you are at a gas station, do not ask if a mechanic is on duty. If you do, at best, you will be laughed out of the place. At worst, someone will pretend to be a mechanic with the result your car is now ready for auction. (All that beer and beef jerky should have told you something about their primary business, Damion.)
Fiction Favorites 
This may be your best ever — at least, it’s filled with little truths I’ve learned along the way. Just yesterday I asked for directions in a unfamiliar town to a spot the town is famous for. Three young clerks, three blank stares. At least none of them were wild-eyed.
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I have had those cricket moments too. Since GPS though I have been spared.
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You are quite the character, John!
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Thank you, GP. I like that moniker. 😁
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👍😉
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😊
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Speaking of puffing on a stogie whilst pumping gas, I spotted an ass hat smoking a cigarette at the pump yesterday. All I could think was, if this is how it ends, I’m gonna find that dumbass when we get wherever we’re going!
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Ha ha ha. It amazes me sometimes on how stupid people are. Glad you are still here.
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Eeesh, me too.
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😁
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😀 Definitely still applicable!
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Thank you, Chel.
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Maybe they sell maps.
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Map? What’s a map?
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#8 is an overstatement. Seem some real horror show bathrooms at rest stops.
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Reminds me of the line in Pet Detective: “Do not go in there.”
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A wise warning.
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Indeed.
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Great list, John, with plenty of chuckles. I love your photo. I live in the country and such signs dot the roads. It’s best to heed the warnings. 😂
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Thank you, Gwen. Yes one has to keep an eye out for danger. 😁
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Those are sure things to keep in mind at a gas station, John, especially the cigar thing. And don’t expect a gas station bathroom to be clean.
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This is a classic, John. I am on the road today and will have plenty of opportunities to ignore the gas station sushi and hot dog special.
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I am always blown away when I see some dumbass smoking at the pump. Duuuuuude!!!
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know right? 😁
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Right!
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Well unless you’re at a Buc-ee’s (the first one in Colorado just opened in the Greeley area with 116 gas pumps and 70,000 sq. feet of retail space). Best fudge I’ve ever had was at the Buc-ees in Katy, TX. And with an entire wall of jerky of every flavor imaginable, it’s ok to eat there. 😉
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So true. We always loved to stop at the
Buc-ees in Katy. We were a horse show family and that jerky came in mighty handy. Thanks for the memory, Monika.
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That Katy location was too much fun to check out. I’m sure I missed a good portion of the store since we were headed toward Austin. I probably won’t be headed north to the Colorado location but I know people lined up to get in the day before! I’m thinking they could have been relocated Texans. LOL
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It is possible they are relocated Texans. Nothing says Texas like a Buc-ees. I bought the producer a Buc-ees T-shirt at the New Braunfils location. Still a treasure.
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I buy all my wife’s presents at my local Shell station. Not a bad place to shop and reasonable prices. Married 56 years. Sometimes I take her to dinner there too. Half price hot dogs after 7 pm.
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You are such a romantic , Tom. Of course 56 years tells the tale. Nice to see a comment.
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yes, finally got through. And they usually have nice flowers too.
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😊
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These are really funny! 😂
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So glad you like them, Kymber.
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These are all great, John, especially the one about not eating anything in a sealed packet (how long have those tortillas been sitting there?) and the air hose warning. Finding an air hose is getting difficult, too!
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I finally bought a hand held pump. So tired of the out of order signs.
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We did, too!
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😊
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Spot on–every one of these! What kills me are the ones that pull in to get gas and then stay parked at the pump while the kids use the restroom, the wife decides to get a flavored coffee, and hubby decides cruising the snack aisle is a good thing. Move your darn car, Dilbert!
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They make explosives for that.
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haha! I might have to take up smoking and blow by him…🤣
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There you go.
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I can remember — long before GPS! — pulling into a gas station to ask for directions … and never really understanding the clerk or his/her directions. Yep, this is a great list, John!
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There is always that too.Thanks, Debbie.
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Yeah, I’ve never had much luck asking for directions at a gas station.
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I think it is a universal problem. 😁
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That, and I’m directionally challenged to begin with.
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Me too. The producer wondered years ago how I could fly when I have no sense of direction. When you have directional instruments it is easy.
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I would have wondered, too! Are you still flying?
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Nope.
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Oh my! Definitely don’t eat anything not in a sealed bag. Good ones, John!
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Thank you, Jan.
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After a snow storm – once the sun was back out – I actually found myself walking into a convenience store once I filled up the gas tank…still being in a full ski mask…with sun glasses on. The looks I got were priceless, and made me realize I very much needed to “adjust” my look to make everyone there more comfortable.🙂
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Ha ha ha. Lucky there were no police
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I believe every single one of these from hearsay to movies!
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Good to believe.
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Wise tips, John.
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Thank you, Jacqui.
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My top one would be, “If you are at a gas station, do not fill normal gasoline in the tank of a diesel!”
You remember that incident in Ireland I blogged about: https://pitsfritztownnews.wpcomstaging.com/2023/06/25/ireland-2023-a-diesel-and-other-mishaps/
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I do remember. You were very lucky that time. 😊
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Don’t eat the day-old sushi even if it is half price.
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Good advice.
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Don’t eat the day-old sushi even if it is half priced.
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Good advice, Dan. Never eat yesterdays sushi.
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If you are at a gas station don’t ask if the coffee is fresh, lol
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Ha ha ha. So true. Thanks, Jacquie.
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Gas station bathrooms come in all degrees in cleanliness, but I’d rather take my chances somewhere else.
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Yeah, I’m with you.
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Thanks for the laughs, John. This was terrific! Regards to Tiny. 😀
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He sends his regards back. 😁
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😀
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Absolutely #8. And I cringe every time I see those hot dogs and sausages cooking on the rollers.
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Ha ha ha. Me too
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😂👍🏻 I’ve been pumping gas since I bought my first car at 18. Never too old to learn! One of the many things I love about visiting my daughter in the Pacific NW is the full-service attendants, however a bill was signed last year that lifted the ban on self-service stations.
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Self serve gas started a whole revolution that has us at Uber Eats. 😁
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Uber Eats… my daughter bamboozled me into that overpriced meal one time! Last time, too!
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Yeah we don’t do that stuff either.
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I can see you spend a lot of time in gas stations (don’t we all!). Numbers three and six were especially helpful. Thanks.
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Always wanting to serve, Andrew. Thanks.
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Great pic to go with the post.
There was a time when gas stations (or petrol pumps as they are called in India) had signs asking you to keep your mobile phone switched off. Probably made customers like me feel like James Bond…just whip out my mobile, press a button, and see the underground petrol bunk go up in a spectacular flame.
But we are back to being the boring us now as those signs have vanished.
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You paint a picture of fun that now has faded into obscurity.
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