Top Ten Things Not to Include on Your Bucket List

~ John W. Howell

 

Bucket lists will be with us forever. Here’s a list I published on March 5th, 2018. I think it still may be helpful for those planning a bucket list. I should have labeled this list the Top Nine since the last one is a recommendation of one to do.

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Top Ten Things Not to Include on Your Bucket List

The inspiration for this post came from the website https://www.bucketlist.net/

While looking around, I came upon one list of the top ten crazy things to put on your bucket list. This list started me thinking of what not to put on your bucket list for fear of having the list prematurely remain unaccomplished. I did borrow a couple from the list.

10 If you are making a bucket list, do not include swimming with great white sharks. If you do, at best, they will have eaten before you show up. At worst, they have all given up their vegan diet, and you are the first animal protein they’ve seen for weeks. (Looks like those extra long flippers might come in handy, Dayson.)

9 If you are making a bucket list, do not include asking Tiny how he got his name the next time you see him. If you do, at best, he will have his Airpods in his ears and will miss the question. At worst, you will remind him of the teasing he took in the fourth grade when he stood six feet tall. (This might be a good time to try out those nunchucks, Deavon. Be careful, though, and don’t let Tiny take them away from you.)

8 If you are making a bucket list, do not decide to ski the Alps. If you do, at best, you’ll sober up before the trip. At worst, you’ll get to the mountain and ignore the fact that you really weren’t an excellent skier in the first place. (That thrill of being airborne doesn’t last very long does it, Delbert? Don’t worry; the ski patrol will be waiting for you at the bottom of the mountain. It is a very short trip to the hospital.)

7 If you are making a bucket list, do not add breaking the world freedive deep dive record. If you do, at best,  your first try will give you a hint to stop. At worst, you will realize that the 122-meter (400+ feet) record is safe with your ten-foot dive. (Yes, Delsen, you need to hold your breath for over four minutes to break the record. So far, your best shot was twenty seconds)

6 If you are making a bucket list, don’t include quitting your job to try something new. If you do, at best, your boss will hire you back. At worst, something new is something that ten million had tried before and failed. (I give it to you that a mail-order catalog seemed like a good idea, Donte. It’s just that it has all been done before. Why not try to corner the aluminum can market?)

5 If you are making a bucket list, don’t consider a solo skydive. If you do, at best, you will take all the training. At worst, you’ll go up in a plane and then have to actually step out the door. (The first thing to remember is when to deploy the chute, Dorian. The second is how to use the other chute. Let’s not worry about the third right now you have enough to deal with.)

4 If you are making a bucket list, don’t think taking your life savings to Las Vegas would be fun. If you do, at best, the casino will have caught on fire. At worst, all those blackjack lessons and theories went out the window when you took a card on fifteen, and it was a ten. (The hotel will be happy to comp your room tonight, Dorrin. It seems you are the most prominent loser today.)

3 If you are making a bucket list, do not include running with the bulls in Pamplona. If you do, at best, you will be able to outrun the guy behind you. At worst, your strategy of running up a tree will backfire as six bulls all hit the tree. (You forgot that those horns are pretty tough, Draupnir. Put away that red hanky. Nothing can save you now.)

2. If you are making a bucket list, do not make a note about cooking fish at home. If you do, at best, someone who loves you will talk you out of it. At worst, you will finish the cooking and realize you have ruined a twenty-dollar fish and a fifty-thousand-dollar kitchen. (I think you have learned your lesson, Drewes. Now call the bank and get that home improvement loan fast.)

1. If you are making a bucket list, include becoming a best-selling author. If you do, at best, it may happen. At worst, you will live forever trying to complete your bucket list. (Just keep working on it, Drystan. Ninety-two is the new sixty-two. There is plenty of time.)

79 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Include on Your Bucket List”

    1. Cooking fish does. I have this long standing discussion with the Producer about cooking fish at home. She says I suck at it. I, of course, disagree. We still don’t cook fish at home. 😁

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  6. To be honest, if you’d only offered up that cartoon at the top, I would have been happy for the rest of the day. That’s hilarious. As for the rest, I think they’d all fit well into the lyrics for a song titled “Oh, my bucket-list has a hole in it!”

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  11. So true! And yet, you made me remember a very small Chelsea getting excited about these sorts of lists and planning to achieve these impossible things. It might be the recent surgery talking, but I now find myself tenderly cradling my body when I read the skydiving and skiing and deep sea goals.

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  12. Ninety-two is the new sixty-two — I love that one, John! Too bad it’s not necessarily true. And I’m still giggling over the fish-in-the-kitchen one. Probably would’ve been cheaper to get a fish sandwich at McDonald’s!

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  13. I don’t know what it says about me, but during the “Running of the Bulls” I always root for the Bulls. Once I realized my bucket list filled up a notebook, I discarded the idea of a bucket list. 92 is the new 62….maybe I should do a bucket list after all!🙂

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  14. A charming list to say the least. I was never good at making a bucket list-if it was something I really wanted to accomplish, or experience, I tried to turn it into a goal where I could make incremental progress toward accomplishing it.

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  16. There’s so much on that list that I wouldn’t do … no skydiving for me or running with the bulls. If 92 is the new 62, then I want to get to 92 😉 In fact, I don’t even have a bucket list. I want to be satisified with what I have right now. The rest is icing. And I’m still chuckling over that cartoon … lol.

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  17. Too funny, John. I don’t have a bucket list, but I have places I’d love to visit. Top of my list is Jerusalem – not such a good idea right now. Ephesus – maybe in a couple of years. More locally, I’d like to visit a dozen or more National Parks. I guess I’m living forever. 😂

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  18. I love the cartoon, John. None of these are on my list. My list is to try to enjoy whatever life brings my way. As for #1, I received an email earlier today from a friend who said, “I’ve entered my ninth decade and still going strong.” He’s actually still working.

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  19. You said it too late. Regarding #8, I already skied in the Alps, in Garmisch Parten-Kirchen. You are right, it was not a good experience. I had an accident, a bad shoulder displacement, concussion, and amnesia.

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    1. “Look out below,” is the dry. Sorry about your injuries. When I turned 70, I stood at the top of a two black diamond hill at Heavenly Lake Tahoe. My courage was spent. Old fart that I was, I had lost it. Took the gondola back to the base. Nice fire and some quality bourbon helped me forget.

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  21. I make a trip once a year to the casino, but I leave if I go through the small amount that I bring.

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      1. On the rare occasion when I win, I pocket the original stakes and the rest is gravy. If I lose the winnings, I cash out and figure I’ve gotten some entertainment for free.

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  22. I never made a bucket list! I think I’ve packed a lot of living into my 72 years, travel no longer interests me, and I have everything I need or want right here, so … no need for a bucket list! Still, if I ever change my mind, I’ll keep your cautionary list in mind! 😊

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  23. Some good ones here, John, Hubs and I are committed fish eaters and cook fish at home all the time! I did sky dive but in tandem, and I still want to swim with white sharks off the California coast but in a cage! As for becoming a best-selling author – that one is not on my list as it seems impossible!

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