Top Ten Things Not to Do According to Murphy’s Law

~ John W. Howell

 

This post ran on April 30th, 2018. It still provides good advice on handling Murphy’s law.

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Top Ten Things Not to Do According to Murphy’s Law.

The inspiration for this list was thinking of all the things we do on a daily basis that someone else has done before. This naturally brought up the idea of mistakes and how often they are repeated throughout history. Then, the thought turned to specific laws governing natural phenomena. An example would be Newton’s law of gravity. “What goes up, Must come down” was inspired by an apple falling on Newton’s head. (or so the story goes.) Finally, turning to other laws prompted the inspection of specific laws, particularly Murphy’s. The law, “What can go wrong will.” After all, some of the laws of science are way too boring for this kind of blog. I hope you enjoy it.

10 According to Murphy’s Law, do not drop a much-needed and irreplaceable hex screw being installed in your current project. If you do, at best it will roll under the bench. At worst, it will drop into a drain opening, never to be seen again. (Might as well buy another widget for $300.00, Etienne. You’ll never be able to buy a replacement screw that would be ten cents if available.)

9 According to Murphy’s Law, do not buy that horse. If you do, at best, you love it forever. At worst, you’ll want to sell it, and there are no buyers. (The sad part, Emeril, is it will outlive you.)

8 According to Murphy’s Law, do not pick a fight with Tiny, the WWF champ. If you do, at best, Tiny has achieved a new state of Nirvana and will bless you. At worst, you have to come to grips with the fact you are no Bruce Lee. (Looks like those running shoes will get another great workout today, Ellison. You go, man.)

7 According to Murphy’s Law, do not handle that expensive crystal vase. If you do, at best, you catch it before it hits the floor. At worst, before you can even think of an excuse, you hear, “What was that breaking sound?” (You should have memorized Murphy’s constant, Eduard. “Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.”)

6 According to Murphy’s Law, do not park your car on the street. If you do, at best, you‘ll only have bird-dropping problems. At worst, that Russian Satellite reentering the Earth’s atmosphere conveniently has your car coordinates as a landing site. (You could never imagine this happening, Earvin. That piece of space junk was supposed to burn up. Murphy’s law of falling objects had this covered with “A falling object will always land where it can do the most damage.”)

5 According to Murphy’s Law, do not try to paint a room without an adequate cover on the carpet. If you do, at best, you’ll catch every drip. At worst, you’ll only discover the dried paint drips after being pointed out by the person who told you to use an adequate cover. (Good luck, Emil, at the carpet store and that overnight arrangement in the spare room.)

4 According to Murphy’s Law, do not be careless with that expensive power tool while on a twelve-foot ladder. If you do, at best, when it falls, the cord will hook on something and prevent ground contact. At worst, you’ll be working over concrete, and the cord does not hook to prevent ground contact. (So Father’s Day will be here before you know it, Edmond. Of course, maybe the family is tired of replacing expensive power tools.)

3 According to Murphy’s Law, do not think you can make up time on the freeway because you are late. If you do, at best, there will be light traffic. At worst, that eighteen-wheeler turned over, blocking all lanes, is just ahead —after you enter the freeway. (Well, now, Eachan. You might as well turn off the car and relax. The traffic central says the police need to investigate before moving anything. That job interview can be rescheduled. Aw, too bad your phone is dead, and you forgot your charging cord.)

2 According to Murphy’s Law, do not try to explain the now quiet noise in your car’s engine to the mechanic. If you do, at best, you will cause more confusion. At worst, your mechanic will replace the most expensive element of your engine using your noise as justification. (You are not surprised that the noise returns after you get a block from the mechanic’s garage, are you, Eagan?)

1 According to Murphy’s Law, do not try to tear that paper towel with one hand. If you do, at best, you’ll end up with shreds. At worst, that spill you are trying to contain will have seeped onto the floor to form a permanent stain in the wood. (I guess you should have known, Eamonn, that according to Murphy’s law, paper is strongest at the perforation.)

77 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do According to Murphy’s Law”

  3. Pingback: Top Ten Things Not to Do According to Murphy’s Law | James' World 2

  4. Good ones, John. And a quick recap of family history and recent news proves the post is still valid.

    10 – Our first cat hid a tiny black screw for a set of fireplace doors under a large rug. Nothing close at the hardware store.

    6 – Someone just had a hunk of ISS trash fall through the roof and upper floor of their house.

    3 – Gasoline tanker fire (caused by a guy racing to merge) close I-95 in Norwalk, CT in both directions late last week. Maybe for days!

    I hope you have a good week.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Number 10 is still a constant occurrence here! I would never pick a fight with Tiny, but that paper towel roll continues to become a moving obstacle rolling away at the speed of light of I dare try to pull a sheet off one-handed!!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I started laughing at #10, and had to collect myself before reading on. For #9, you could substitute car, boat, or piece of rental property. And so it goes; Murphy apparently is alive and well!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. These resonate! As for tearing a sheet of paper towel with one hand – you always get 2-3. As for trying to make up time on the highway when you’re late – I almost got a ticket for that. The HP officer didn’t believe me when I told him I’d never had a ticket, and he went and looked in all the states I’d lived in. Came back convinced and just gave me a warning that something was wrong with the sticker on my license plate.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lucky. I told a HP officer that I hadn’t had a ticket in 40 years. As he handed me my ticket he wished me another 40 years. Of course I was doing 120 in a 70 zone. He made it 81 in a 70. 😊

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  14. I love #7!! As the one who had to ‘fess up when she broke Mama’s sugar bowl, I know it’s a true-ism. I’m just lucky the thing wasn’t Waterford crystal!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Got a laugh out of the hex screw. Been there, done that. Not only do they always seem to roll under some 500 pound monstrosity, but I can’t see worth a darn.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Those are fun examples of Murphy’s law but I remember a scene from the movie Interstellar where Murphy asked her dad why they named her after something bad and he sad Murphy’s law is not bad. It is misunderstood. What it really means is that anything that can happen eventually will happen including events that we consider bad. But it includes both good and bad.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. I swear there are certain periods in my life where Murphy and I are like 🤞🏻 – and he does everything in his power to make sure I drop, spill, trip… sigh!

    Liked by 1 person

  27. In Reference to noelleg44’s comment above.

    “I guess I had a more understanding officer. Maybe I batted my eyelashes at him?”

    I tried that and the cop ordered me to get out of the car and handcuffed me. After a night in jail, I was let go with a warning to never do that again.

    Liked by 1 person

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