AI-generated image from Perchance.org
This post ran on August 25, 2017. It may still be helpful.
* * *
Top Ten Things Not to Say to a Contractor
This list was inspired by a number of discussions held with contractors lately. I hope you like it.
10 Do not say to a contractor, “I’m in no rush.” If you do, at best, the job will take longer than you could conceive. At worst, you’ll be at the bottom of the list of clients, and your job might get done before you retire. (The fact that you are only forty is not comforting, Desmond.)
9 Do not say to a contractor, “I want your best price.” If you do, at best, the bid will be only ten percent more than it would have been. At worst, your bid will come out somewhere North of what you expected to pay to rebuild the house, let alone do repairs. (Hang on to that defibrillator, Dalton. You may need it when the actual bill is presented, given all the change orders.)
8 Do not say to a contractor, “I have another bid to compare with yours.” If you do, at best, you will actually get his bid. At worst, you will wait for a bid that will never come since the contractor figured you would take the other one anyway. (That strategy didn’t work well, did it, Darren?)
7 Do not say to a contractor, “I really don’t know what I want.” If you do, at best, it will cost plenty to find out. At worst, you may spend a lot of money and finally know what you don’t want. (That is sure an ugly addition, don’t you think, Dustin?)
6 Do not say to a contractor, “Do what you think is best.” If you do, at best, what is best for the contractor is best for you. At worst, what is best for the contractor is to send his child to college on the proceeds from your job. (You should have asked more questions, Davis.)
5 Do not say to a contractor, “I don’t mind a little dust.” If you do, at best, your vacuum will keep up. At worst, you’ll find yourself in the ER with advanced symptoms of asthma. (You should have known when all the workers were wearing respirators, Deacon.)
4 Do not say to a contractor, “We get up early.” If you do, at best, it is early, at eight o’clock, to the contractor. At worst, the first light will bring you the wake-up sound of a Skill saw in the next room. (Establishing the work hours might have been wise, Dwayne.)
3 Do not say to a contractor, “We can do without water for as long as it takes to fix.” If you do, at best, the fix will be quick. At worst, the water will be shut off on Friday at three in the afternoon, and the job will be finished that next Monday at nine o’clock AM. (A nice long weekend without water for a three-hour repair is not a bad trade-off, right, Darrell?)
2 Do not say to a contractor, “Help yourself to soft drinks and water.” If you do, at best, they will be used only when needed. At worst, you didn’t realize that the contractor’s city-wide crew numbered thirty, and you were out of liquid by noon. (Should we have set a limit, huh, Devan?)
1 Do not say to a contractor, “Sure, you can return later and finish that little job.” If you do, at best, you’ve held back some money, and it gets done. At worst, you paid the whole bill, and it has been three months without a return phone call. (Good luck with that little job. Maybe you can hire another contractor to do it, Duane.”
Fiction Favorites 
So true, John! It seems you had made unique experiences. 😉 Best wishes, Michael
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Michael. 😁
LikeLike
#3 definitely comes off as asking for trouble. Live and learn there.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes indeed. 😁
LikeLike
Best not to say anything at all, John?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I agree. Thanks, Jaye.
LikeLike
Having worked as a contractor, John, I can say this is a great list. The one that struck fear into my heart was #6, “Do what you think is best.” – That meant “This customer will not be happy when I’m done.”
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah, pretty much that’s what it says. Thanks, Dan
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow! Does this list ever apply to Florida contractors!!!!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Glad to hit the mark. There seems to be similarity around the county.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Too bad. I guess no one ever heard of craftsmanship.
LikeLiked by 1 person
So true.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The stuff of nightmares!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great summary, Liz. 😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, John!
LikeLike
I see this all the time in my area.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Seems universal. Thanks, Craig.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, dealing with contractors can be a troubling experience. It seems their employer must rate them by how much money they bring in for the company.
LikeLike
Best list ever!
LikeLike
Great advice, John:) I’m awaiting and dreading the pounding of a new roof right now.
LikeLike
I’ve worked with contractors and everything on this list is true! lol
LikeLike
In my area, you’re lucky if they show up at all!
LikeLike
I have had that experience too. Thanks Dawn.
LikeLike
Good advice! 😎
LikeLike
Wonderful list, John, and obviously compiled from first-hand experience! Isn’t it fascinating how these guys know just how to take advantage of a homeowner’s good nature?
LikeLike
Oh man…can I identify with these contractor conversations. And not all happily but I did have to smile with lots of them…now that my projects are finished. LOL
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hurricane Harvey almost did me in.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yikes…I remember the aftermath. My daughter and her husband moved into their new house 12 days after Harvey. Luckily they were spared but others in the Houston area weren’t as lucky.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah, we were right in it at Port Aransas.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh boy. Glad you survived. That storm was quite the doozy.
LikeLiked by 1 person
We were forced to evacuate to Austin. The house was left to face the storm.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow-that’s wild.
LikeLiked by 1 person
No fun. Took about eight months to get everything back in order.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sounds like this list was created from experience, John. Thankfully, living in an apartment, I don’t have to deal with contractors. It can turn into a nightmare!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I had my fun during Hurricane Harvey.
LikeLiked by 1 person
All so very true, John. Recently I have had difficulties with just finding a reliable person to mow. I made mistake #1.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I feel your pain, Jo.
LikeLike
A “that’s the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth amen!” list if I ever read one, Boss. Contractors are the gift that keeps on taking, and if you color any gray areas, they’ll be more than happy to fill them in with green. YOUR green. And they’re not shy about finding more and more of it. Jesus Fuck Mike!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well said, Pilgrim. Eventually the green comes to an end.
LikeLiked by 1 person
True thing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
😁
LikeLiked by 1 person
Having so recently dealt with a contractor, I can, with utmost certainty, agree to all ten here!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yes. I feel your pain.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yours is a few years ago already!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yes. 2017
LikeLiked by 2 people
Already… time flies, eh?
LikeLiked by 2 people
It sure does.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I knew from the title; this was going to be a good list. Sound advice with plenty of humor.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you, Michele. 😁
LikeLiked by 2 people
You’re welcome. 😊
LikeLiked by 2 people
😊
LikeLiked by 2 people
Well, as an independent contractor, all I can say is a top ten list compiled from our perspective would be equally amusing!
LikeLiked by 2 people
I think you are right. Thanks, Linda. 😁
LikeLiked by 2 people
These are so incredibly true! And we’ve made the mistake of a couple of them!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Me too. Thanks, Noelle.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ugh, we’ve had to deal with so many of these issues over the years. Right now, we’re at #10. Technically we’re not in a rush, but we’re not that young either 😉
LikeLiked by 2 people
Ha ha ha. Good one, Marie.
LikeLiked by 2 people
OMG … a couple of guys showed up this morning to pressure-wash and fix our porch roof … one of the many things we had hired a contractor for. Neither of us knew these guys were going to show up today, but we’re glad they are here!
LikeLike
Typical
LikeLike
Absolutely #10. You’ve cursed yourself if those words are uttered.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, you have. Thanks, Teri
LikeLiked by 1 person
Really funny, John!
LikeLiked by 1 person
😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
In a strange (read perverse) sort of way it is a relief to know that contractor behaviour does not change with geography or timezone or latitude or climate.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It is comforting to know that contractors in every part of the Earth behave the same way. No one is being treated any poorly than everyone else. 😁
LikeLike
You nailed it on all ten of ’em.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Andrew. 😊
LikeLike