Photo by Joshua Hoehne on Unsplash
This post ran on October 28th, 2019. I think it still may have some merit.
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Top Ten Things Not to Say in a Text
10 If you are texting, do not say, “Will you marry me?” If you do, at best, your intended battery has failed. At worst, your reply will be a short and sweet “Kiss off.” (You see, Jayyed, marriage is a serious thing. Your casual approach does not instill confidence that you would make the right partner.)
9 If you are texting, do not say “yes” to Tiny, the WWF champ, when he wants to buy you a couple of rounds. If you do, at best, Tiny won’t be able to find you. At worst, when you meet Tiny at the gym, you suddenly understand that he wasn’t talking about drinks. (Well, here you are, Jedd. I would lie back during the rounds and try not to break any bones.)
8 If you are texting, do not tell someone a family member has passed. If you do, at best, your server will be down. At worst, the news will not be taken well. (So now you are responsible for another mental breakdown, Jedidiah. It’s no wonder they are not speaking to you anymore.)
7 If you are texting, do not tell someone you are breaking up with them. If you do, at best, they didn’t like you anyway. At worst, you now have a lifelong enemy. (Way to go, Jennis. This could have gone so much better face-to-face. How did that boiling bunny get on your stove anyway?)
6 If you are texting, do not answer the text and photo that asks, “How do I look in this?” If you do, at best, you’ll say, “Great.” At worst, you’ll try and be helpful. (Admitting that hat looked ridiculous has just earned you a cold night in the dog house, Jensen. You see, that was the favorite pick.)
5 If you are texting, do not send an “I’m mad at you” text. If you do, at best, the recipient has turned off their phone. At worst, the recipient will become very defensive. (So how are you going to patch this up, Jeremias? You weren’t all that angry in the first place, and now you have WWIII on your hands.)
4 If you are texting, do not ask, “What do you like about me?” If you do, at best, the response will be something you like. At worst, the answer will be something like, “You have a great personality.” (What did you expect, Jerett? This is not the kind of question to put in a text. You are lucky you didn’t get a compliment on your deodorant.)
3 If you are texting, do not ask where the relationship is going. If you do, at best, the recipient will call you. At worst, you might get a reply like, “To Milwaukee.” (Well, I guess you could have predicted that response, Jerico. What did you want the person to say in a text message? HUH? Dope.)
2 If you are texting, do not send a message with the words “I love you” for the very first time. If you do, at best, the recipient will think you are drunk. At worst, the recipient will get the idea you cannot face commitment in person. (That was a lousy idea, Jerren. Let’s hope an in-person statement will undo the damage. You are a bit of a clod, though.)
1 If you are texting, don’t send a message that has drama around it, like, “Where were you last night?”. If you do, at best, the recipient will delete it. At worst, you’ll get a response that you hate. ( “I was out with Bill” is something you didn’t expect, huh, Jerrick? I guess that will learn ya.)
Fiction Favorites 
All good advice. This is before texting, but I was once told I no longer had a job via email. I’m sure if texting would have been available she would have used it. So number 11 could be, Don’t lay staff off via a text message.
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Yeah, that is a brutal way to handle things, Darlene.
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lol…duly noted thanks John… hugsxx
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Boy am I glad I don’t text!!
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See you are saved from all of this. Smart man😁
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Good advice, especially for an old fart like me, whose hearing is so bad that he texts, rather than talks on the phone.
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I can relate. Thanks, Tim
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#7 is an infamous scenario. Shows up in reality and fiction all the time.
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Yes it does. I think texting a breakup is a coward’s way out.
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Would you say worse than a phone call?
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Very much worse.
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My use of texting is purely utilitarian (“Running late. Be there soon”, etc.) so I think I’m safe. I save my “shouldn’t have said thats” for real-life conversations!
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Probably the best way, Linda.
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Son #1 had a friend whose GF broke up with him by text. Now they’ve married for five years and have a son, lol. You never know.
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You do never know. Good story.
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I love texting. That’s how my kids and I keep in touch. No, no–don’t call. Text me. 😉
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It’s like, “Why are you calling? Just answer my text.” 😁
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No emotional intelligence, eh?
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Nope.
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When you could first get internet on planes, I was texting with my wife and daughter (in a group) when we began our decent (right before WiFi was turned off) I texted “Going down now.” I guess that should have been “beginning our descent.”
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Understatement. 😳
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I am glad there was no texting when I was younger. Number 7 seems to be a common occurrence!
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I think number 7 is used way too frequently. Thanks, Noelle.
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Funny how the younger generation can’t talk honestly face to face.
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A lot of older ones are the same way. 😊
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Ha! Ha! Actually sound advice and especially when you throw in the annoying autocorrect that changes the context of everything. Good one, John!
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Thank you, Jan. I have had a few run-ins with autocorrect. 😁
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Thanks for the tips, John. I try to avoid texting, but it isn’t possible.
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I agree. Can’t be avoided.
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#8 – Would be terribly insensitive wouldn’t it, though it’s probably been done.
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I’m sure it has and yes, very insensitive. 😳
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Breaking up, asking to marry and telling another about the death of a loved one are biggies to avoid, I say!!
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I agree. Thanks, Dale. 😊
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OF course you do 🙂
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😊
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oh big trouble with all of these and don’t auto voice cuz you’ll swear at them at least once and you won’t know why they are mad.. 😉
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Good advice. 😁
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Happy to contribute.. 😉😅
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😁
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Excellent advice. When did texting something that should be said face-to-face ever become acceptable??
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I’m not sure that kind of thing has ever become acceptable. People do it but it isn’t right.
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Yes there are certain things you should not say using a text message. The list is both funny and good advice. However, I can think of even worse things to say in a text, but I would never write them in a comment.
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Hopefully there are emoji’s to cover what you want to say.
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LOL
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😁
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{Giggles} Texting a breakup is even worse than putting it on a post-it! 🤣 {as happened in Sex and the City}
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Yes, at least a post-it required some artwork even if only printing.
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Masterful, John! A confession, I don’t like to text — but my kids text. 🙄 By the time I stumble out an answer to their message, I’m sure they’ve forgotten what they wanted or told me. And I’m not kidding. 😄
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I have the same problem, Gwen. Added degree of difficulty are my rather big thumbs. 😁
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Good advice. Unfortunately, some people have actually texted those things!
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Yes they have. Thanks, Diana
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Hahahahaha! I was laughing my ass off at ” . . . to Milwaukee”! That’s a keeper right there Sheriff.
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I wish I had thought of that when I was in the embarrassing position of having to answer that question in my youth. Thanks, Marc.
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It’s oftentimes hindsight, ain’t it?
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Sadly, yes.
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Good ones, John. Asking someone what they like about you is asking for trouble. They might be speechless or insincere. Things could get awkward right away.
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Very awkward, Pete. And Quickly too. Thanks.
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All good advice to heed, John:)
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😊
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My sis posted that her son–my nephew–died via Facebook. What was she thinking????
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OMG. You must have been shocked.
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Yeah I was!
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Reasonable list that we never follow.😄😄😄Thank you, dear John.🍤🍤🍤🍻
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Ha ha ha. I think you are right. 🥂🍰
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All good advice, John. 🙂
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Thank you, Lauren.
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My takeaway on this is: If you’re texting, don’t.
Poor Alex Bell is turning in his grave thinking, “I went to all the trouble of inventing the damn phone and no one uses it anymore.”
“Watson, come here. I want to see you.”
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Yeah poor Watson. Ol Tom’s whipping boy. Thanks, Andrew.
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😅
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Ol’ chap Coleridge’s “Water, water everywhere, nor any drop to drink” may well be “Texting, texting everywhere, nor any worthwhile message to read” today.
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Excellent.
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