Photo by Jed Owen on Unsplash
This post ran on November 25, 2019. I thought it would be fun to reread it since this is Thanksgiving week here in the US.
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George Washington proclaimed November 25 as a day of Thanksgiving in honor of the new constitution. This day has been used to set Thanksgiving as the last Thursday in November. Although the first Thanksgiving might have been held with the pilgrims and native Americans much earlier, George established the date. As a side note of interest, it wasn’t until 1863 that a national day of Thanksgiving was held. I’m sure you would like to go to George’s house and help him and Martha celebrate the day. Here is a list of things not to do to keep history intact.
Top Ten Things Not to Do at the George Washington Proclamation of Thanksgiving in 1789.
10 If you go to George’s place, do not bring a box of stovetop stuffing as your contribution to the dinner. If you do, at best, no one will know what it is. At worst, someone may feed it to the horses. (Now you have a problem, Josephe. George wants to know who brought the stuff that gave his horses the colic)
9 If you go to George’s place, do not hand Tiny the WWF champ a dollar for holding the door for you. If you do, at best, Tiny will need the money. At worst, Tiny just left his self-esteem discussion group and believes he is a close friend of George Washington. (So now you have made Tiny feel like the help, Josue. Don’t worry that step over toe hold never works to take off the toe. Of course, there is always the first time.)
8 If you go to George’s place, do not suggest a game of Monopoly after dinner. If you do, at best, you’ll get some stares. At worst, George will think it a fun idea. (Now ymust to construct the whole game out of paper and a quill pen, Jourdan. Good luck making the tokens.)
7 If you go to George’s place, do not bring up politics as a dinner discussion item. If you do, at best, everyone will ignore you. At worst, you’ll pick a fight with Aaron Burr. (The instructions are correct, Jovan. You walk 25 paces, turn and fire. Yes, I think Aaron has done this before.)
6 If you go to George’s place, do not tell George the turkey is tough when he asks. If you do, at best, he won’t hear you. At worst, he’ll hand you a musket. (He politely suggests you go out and shoot your turkey, Jozsef. Maybe next time, you’ll just say it is excellent.)
5 If you go to George’s place, do not suggest to Martha that the sweet potatoes would be better with marshmallow bits. If you do, at best, Martha will be too busy to hear you. At worst, Martha will think your suggestion is a good one and hand you a ten-pound bag of sweet potatoes. (Well, now you are in a pickle, Judd. You must figure out how to make sweet potatoes and marshmallow bits.)
4 If you go to George’s house, do not ask for jelly-cranberry sauce. If you do, at best, you have created a discussion topic. At worst, the chef had just reached the end of his rope. It seems there have been several menu changes, Julito. Yours is the straw that broke the camel’s back. That knife looks pretty big from here. I think a good before-dinner run is in order.)
3 If you go to George’s house, do not decide to give a toast to the new constitution. If you do, at best, there will be too many in line before you. At worst, George will ask you about one of the articles. (So as a product of public education, Jullien, have you ever read the constitution, let alone know what is in the section? I thought not. Just say you need the outhouse and be gone.)
2 If you go to George’s house, do not stare at George’s teeth. If you do, at best, he’ll think you are looking at something else. At worst, he will catch on. (So now that you have made your host uncomfortable, Junien. I think you better cut your losses by saying something like, “Are those mahogany?” Or I guess you could say you were looking at his nose. Either way, I hope you have a horse standing by.)
1 If you go to George’s house, do not ask if you can try on a powdered wig. If you do, at best, you’ll be told no. At worst, someone will plop a wig on your head. (Lucky you, Jurgen. You are now wearing the lice and bedbug infected wig that remained after the last redcoat left Washington. Maybe setting your hair on fire will save you. In any case, you have got to find some alcohol fast.)
Fiction Favorites 
Really good tipps, John! There are only a few days left to prepare for the great memory! Best wishes, Michael
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So true, Michael. I hope you have a great week.
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Thanks to your tips, I now remember two Thanksgiving dinner abominations: jellied cranberry sauce in a can, and sweet potatoes with marshmallow topping. I’d rather talk politics with George than face either of those again!
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I so agree, Linda. I highlighted them here because of the way they make me shudder at the thought. (Glutton for punishment)
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6 makes me wonder if they had the plump turkeys of today or the wild ones.
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I think they were wild and tough as can be. 😁. Just don’t tell George.
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Probably don’t ask for English pudding.
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Yeah that might not go well with the pemmican. Thanks, Craig.
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In # 6, I think George would know if the turkey was tough – his mismatched, painful teeth would let him know in an instant. But then again, you might have insulted Martha with any remark and remember – Tiny is there!!! [ouch]
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It all boils down to a potential political nightmare for sure. Thanks, GP.
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Hah, we’re doomed – as usual.
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Yes we are.
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Very clever! #3 struck me as wickedly funny.
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I’m so glad, Liz. Thanks for letting me know.
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You’re welcome, John!
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😊
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HI John, this is very good. I have had to guess about George Washington’s teeth from your comment but I’ll have to Google and check it.
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It is rumored they were made of wood.
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Yes, I actually felt compelled to look it up. It led to quite an interesting read about how dentures were made back then.
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Ah the old rabbit hole of knowledge. 😁
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A marvelous place, isn’t it?
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It is. I get lost here often. 😁
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One day we may meet up …
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Number 7 needs to be taught to people beginning in Kindergarten, John.
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Ha ha ha. You are very right, Dan.
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Oh yes, these are wise suggestions. I wonder if they had turkey farms back then.
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I think the whole world was a turkey farm. Thanks, Tim
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#2! Poor George. How did his wooden teeth become a part of his history?! 🦷
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Somebody blabbed.
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Ha! Too funny!
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Thank you, Jan.
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I do love your ‘Top Ten…’ series. So funny.
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I so glad Esther. Thank you.
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hahahah. just wrote that Stove Top Stuffing in my post .. My kids LOVE it. good Gravy. Pun intended 💓
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I read your stove Top Stuffing piece.
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This is one of your funniest lists, John. I’ll try to remember to leave my powdered wig at home when we join our friends for Thanksgiving.
An Aaron Burr reference—not exactly the ideal dinner guest.
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Thanks, Pete. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family.
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These were all really funny, but that first one really cracked me up! And yes, they did have cranberry sauce or jelly or compote in those days – introduced to the Pilgrims by the Wampanoag Indians.
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I’ll bet they were sorry they ever did that.
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Well, I’m not! I love cranberry relish, apple and cranberry pie, dried cranberries for snacks. As for the Wampanoags, the peace treaty Governor Bradford signed with them lasted 50 years!
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What happened after the 50 years?
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The chief’s son Philip took over, proclaimed himself King, and started King Philip’s War, one of the bloodiest between the colonists and the native populations, involving many colonies.
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Sad affair.
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Too funny, John! #7 reminds me of a time when we had Thanksgiving dinner at a friend’s house. Guests included us and the adult son and his wife and in-laws. At the start of dinner, the son admonished us all to not discuss politics. The in-laws were known to be quite vocal about their political beliefs which differed quite a bit from the other guests. So they told stories about their dogs, and we had a fun dinner 🙂
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Nothing gets folks riled up like politics. Good on the son.
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I don’t know which is worse. Staring down the barrel of Burr’s gun or staring down the barrels of sweet potatoes while I try and figure out what the hell I’m gonna do!
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Run like hell and grab a Cuban sammy
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On it!
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That sounds like good advice. Regarding #10, stuffing is a bit of an odd dish, an acquired taste I guess. I remember when I was working for ABB Robotics in Detroit and the chef at company restaurant served turkey and stuffing. Most of the employees were Swedish and had never seen stuffing before. They were not too keen on the stuffing and the chef felt unappreciated.
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It is a little like haggis I suppose.
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John, this stupid WordPress still has me blocked out from sending you comments that will show up on your site😡. Wishing you and Molly a Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you will be able to enjoy some time with your family. 🐳
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Thank you, Jim. Wishing you and Diane a very happy Thanksgiving.
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A funny list, John. The before-dinner run in #4 sounds like a smart move for several of these items. Watch out for the knives, muskets, and infested wigs!
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Good advice, Dave. Thank you. 😁
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“You are now wearing the lice and bedbug infected wig that remained after the last redcoat left Washington. Maybe setting your hair on fire will save you. In any case, you have got to find some alcohol fast.”
Yuk!!!
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Ha ha ha. Hope it didn’t trigger anything. 😁
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Makes you wonder whose bright idea it was to joos up sweet potatoes with marshmallows. What a waste of a good tuber. Wishing you and yours a very blessed holiday sans lice infested wig. 🦃
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Thank you, Monika. Happy Thanksgiving to you and the ranch hands.
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The response to ‘turkey is tough’ is highly appropriate. I am often heard saying, “Then go do it yourself!”
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Ha ha ha. I can imagine complaints are at a minimum at your place.
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Great advice John… and duly noted. hugs
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😁
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These are all great, John! Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family!
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You mean the US has a festival whose antecedents are known? I thought it is a festival only if its origins are shrouded in mystery, such as Christmas, Chinese New Year, Diwali, etc. 🙂
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Mostly known. There still is mystery about how the original settlers made it through the winter.
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Really funny, John. Staring at his teeth and asking to try on his wig had me laughing out loud.
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Good to have you laugh. 😁
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It was good! 😅
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😊
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