Top Ten Things Not to Do at the George Washington Proclamation of Thanksgiving in 1789.

~ John W. Howell
Photo by Jed Owen on Unsplash

This post ran on November 25, 2019. I thought it would be fun to reread it since this is Thanksgiving week here in the US.

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George Washington proclaimed November 25 as a day of Thanksgiving in honor of the new constitution. This day has been used to set Thanksgiving as the last Thursday in November. Although the first Thanksgiving might have been held with the pilgrims and native Americans much earlier, George established the date. As a side note of interest, it wasn’t until 1863 that a national day of Thanksgiving was held. I’m sure you would like to go to George’s house and help him and Martha celebrate the day. Here is a list of things not to do to keep history intact.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the George Washington Proclamation of Thanksgiving in 1789.

10 If you go to George’s place, do not bring a box of stovetop stuffing as your contribution to the dinner. If you do, at best, no one will know what it is. At worst, someone may feed it to the horses. (Now you have a problem, Josephe. George wants to know who brought the stuff that gave his horses the colic)

9 If you go to George’s place, do not hand Tiny the WWF champ a dollar for holding the door for you. If you do, at best, Tiny will need the money. At worst, Tiny just left his self-esteem discussion group and believes he is a close friend of George Washington. (So now you have made Tiny feel like the help, Josue. Don’t worry that step over toe hold never works to take off the toe. Of course, there is always the first time.)

8 If you go to George’s place, do not suggest a game of Monopoly after dinner. If you do, at best, you’ll get some stares. At worst, George will think it a fun idea. (Now ymust to construct the whole game out of paper and a quill pen, Jourdan. Good luck making the tokens.)

7 If you go to George’s place, do not bring up politics as a dinner discussion item. If you do, at best, everyone will ignore you. At worst, you’ll pick a fight with Aaron Burr. (The instructions are correct, Jovan. You walk 25 paces, turn and fire. Yes, I think Aaron has done this before.)

6 If you go to George’s place, do not tell George the turkey is tough when he asks. If you do, at best, he won’t hear you. At worst, he’ll hand you a musket. (He politely suggests you go out and shoot your turkey, Jozsef. Maybe next time, you’ll just say it is excellent.)

5 If you go to George’s place, do not suggest to Martha that the sweet potatoes would be better with marshmallow bits. If you do, at best, Martha will be too busy to hear you. At worst, Martha will think your suggestion is a good one and hand you a ten-pound bag of sweet potatoes. (Well, now you are in a pickle, Judd. You must figure out how to make sweet potatoes and marshmallow bits.)

4 If you go to George’s house, do not ask for jelly-cranberry sauce. If you do, at best, you have created a discussion topic. At worst, the chef had just reached the end of his rope. It seems there have been several menu changes, Julito. Yours is the straw that broke the camel’s back. That knife looks pretty big from here. I think a good before-dinner run is in order.)

3 If you go to George’s house, do not decide to give a toast to the new constitution. If you do, at best, there will be too many in line before you. At worst, George will ask you about one of the articles. (So as a product of public education, Jullien, have you ever read the constitution, let alone know what is in the section? I thought not. Just say you need the outhouse and be gone.)

2 If you go to George’s house, do not stare at George’s teeth. If you do, at best, he’ll think you are looking at something else. At worst, he will catch on. (So now that you have made your host uncomfortable, Junien. I think you better cut your losses by saying something like, “Are those mahogany?” Or I guess you could say you were looking at his nose. Either way, I hope you have a horse standing by.)

1 If you go to George’s house, do not ask if you can try on a powdered wig. If you do, at best, you’ll be told no. At worst, someone will plop a wig on your head. (Lucky you, Jurgen. You are now wearing the lice and bedbug infected wig that remained after the last redcoat left Washington. Maybe setting your hair on fire will save you. In any case, you have got to find some alcohol fast.)

69 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do at the George Washington Proclamation of Thanksgiving in 1789.”

  2. Thanks to your tips, I now remember two Thanksgiving dinner abominations: jellied cranberry sauce in a can, and sweet potatoes with marshmallow topping. I’d rather talk politics with George than face either of those again!

    Liked by 3 people

  5. In # 6, I think George would know if the turkey was tough – his mismatched, painful teeth would let him know in an instant. But then again, you might have insulted Martha with any remark and remember – Tiny is there!!! [ouch]

    Liked by 1 person

  14. This is one of your funniest lists, John. I’ll try to remember to leave my powdered wig at home when we join our friends for Thanksgiving.

    An Aaron Burr reference—not exactly the ideal dinner guest.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. These were all really funny, but that first one really cracked me up! And yes, they did have cranberry sauce or jelly or compote in those days – introduced to the Pilgrims by the Wampanoag Indians.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Well, I’m not! I love cranberry relish, apple and cranberry pie, dried cranberries for snacks. As for the Wampanoags, the peace treaty Governor Bradford signed with them lasted 50 years!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. The chief’s son Philip took over, proclaimed himself King, and started King Philip’s War, one of the bloodiest between the colonists and the native populations, involving many colonies.

        Liked by 1 person

  16. Too funny, John! #7 reminds me of a time when we had Thanksgiving dinner at a friend’s house. Guests included us and the adult son and his wife and in-laws. At the start of dinner, the son admonished us all to not discuss politics. The in-laws were known to be quite vocal about their political beliefs which differed quite a bit from the other guests. So they told stories about their dogs, and we had a fun dinner 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  18. That sounds like good advice. Regarding #10, stuffing is a bit of an odd dish, an acquired taste I guess. I remember when I was working for ABB Robotics in Detroit and the chef at company restaurant served turkey and stuffing. Most of the employees were Swedish and had never seen stuffing before. They were not too keen on the stuffing and the chef felt unappreciated.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. John, this stupid WordPress still has me blocked out from sending you comments that will show up on your site😡. Wishing you and Molly a Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you will be able to enjoy some time with your family. 🐳

    Like

  21. “You are now wearing the lice and bedbug infected wig that remained after the last redcoat left Washington. Maybe setting your hair on fire will save you. In any case, you have got to find some alcohol fast.”

    Yuk!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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